Sober for Christmas

[Alfiepants]

I'm nearly two months in and finding it hard to get to AA meetings as much as I'd like. Really hoping others might want to join in here for general support in staying sober particularly at such a stressful busy time of year

[CornChips]

This will be my first Christmas also.... keen for tips.I have a work do tomorrow, and am dreading it, because our office politics are pretty horrid at the best of times. Thankfully I rarely see these people as we mostly work remotely, but am nervous that because i WILL be nervous that I will reach for the old crutch to hide behind. It would be a Bad Idea as i might just start saying things to my line manager that we both would regret.

[Alfiepants]

Hi corn chips! I don't know about you but the first twenty minutes are always the worst for me. Once I've got over the self consciousness of ordering a diet coke and started chatting I am usually ok. Weirdly it's more about what people might think and my perceived attitude to non drinkers... Also find it harder being bored at home. Trying to do a bit of exercise to help with my general mood but it is hard.

[CornChips]

It is true, yes the first 20 minutes! I also find that if I say 'no' to the first drink, then I really am fine for the rest of the evening. I need to remember that! I might be making this bigger in my head than I need to. Probably because I just really don't want to go.....

[stayingdry]

This is my 2nd sober Christmas and feeling a bit more relaxed about it this year.
my tips would be..leave if you've had enough, why put yourself through it.
play the tape to the end. .if you start drinking...think about the repercussions.
Remember your last drink, the debacles it led too, want that again?
think how good you'll feel in the morning.
remember how good life is sober, all will go for that drink.

I still have that monkey on my shoulder telling me l can have that 1 drink, NO I CAN'T, I cannot stop at 1, end of. I can't control that 1st thought telling me l can, but l can control every thought after.
Good luck, hope this helps

[Lucy2610]

Hi Alfiepants! :) I read your comment about difficulty getting to AA meetings and it reminded me of this that I read on Soberbia (sober-bia.blogspot.co.uk/) yesterday: 'It was harder for me to manage AA meetings than it was to cobble together my own "meetings" by reading other sober bloggers.' Maybe you could use this thread and sober blogs when you can't get to the rooms to connect? As for Xmas my 2nd one this year and I agree with stayingdry. And cornchips do you have to go? Couldn't you be sick?

[BigglesFliesUndone]

Christmas is only hard if you obsess about drink I think. It is bloody irritating seeing every other advert on tv being about what brilliant bargains there are to be had on alcohol this time of year but my ds shouts at the tv each time 'get off my screen!' and then we laugh and do funny accents together (possibly not a solution for everyone, but it works for us ).

This year, with 14 odd months in, I am making sure I have plenty of good drinks in - taking tips from Dry posters and what I have found I like, and will run on xmas day as well. It is easier in a way for me as I only have dh, the kids and my insane mother to deal with (although that is a challenge in itself...) I don't personally do AA but read blogs, books and threads.

Good luck. Think how thrilled you'll be when you get the other side!

[NoLongerJustAShopGirl]

27 years sober this Christmas... my "maybe just the one" monkey is still there on my shoulder too... sometimes I have to just imagine myself wringing his neck!

It is just another day/week/whatever... I LIKE this time of year because there are LOTS of grown up soft drinks around because someone is always driving.

[Alsoflamingo]

What a brilliant, positive take on this time of year, NoLonger. I like it! Will try to keep that in mind as I embark on a week of non-stop parties. Hope I encounter a good selection of non-alcoholic options as they are generally pretty dull (if offered at all).

I am coming up for 3 years sober and agree with Alfie about the hardest bit being feeling self-conscious about ordering a soft drink - rather than not drinking - if that makes sense.

I plan on allowing myself to indulge my excessive side on chocolate so I don't feel deprived. Although as time goes on I don't really feel deprived - deprived of what? Rotten hangovers, shame, puffy face, red eyes etc….

Good luck to everyone approaching a sober Christmas. For anyone in London, there are all day AA meetings which you can drop into whenever if you are feeling shaky 'on the day'. I found that really helpful my first year (pretended I was dropping a present round with a God-child and escaped for an hour).

[Lucy2610]

I agree Also - NoLonger what a brilliant perspective! Looking at the positives not the negatives, excellent
Will also be over-indulging my chocolate intake - sod it, it's still not as many calories as I would have been drinking

[NoLongerJustAShopGirl]

thanks all... I just remember that I was a depressive drunk and a depressive drinker - so it IS so much more fun to be free from the bonds of alcohol at this time of year - even one alcoholic drink would put me back there... (shiver)

I still drink, or have a drink - I still use the words - I just don't have alcohol in mine.

"I'd LOVE a drink - orange and lemonade please", or elderberry, lemonade and lime, or whatever - it is still "a drink".... Another tip it took a while to learn is the more "fancy" your order the less notice people take of the lack of alcohol in it.

I've noticed people with a small length of time sober refer to alcohol as "a drink" or "starting drinking again" or talk about "non-drinkers" - STOP - BE POSITIVE , after all water is "a drink", we all drink. You've taken the decision to stop drinking alcohol - not to stop drinking.

Once you can "go for a drink" and mean the word in the new non-alcohol-containing sense - you know you've got there. My friends and I had a drink after work on Thursday - not one of us had alcohol in our drinks - but we had a fun night out.

It is lovely to see so much support out there...

[Lucy2610]

NoLonger I love this too!! Such a good way of re-framing things. Ooh fancy drinks orders - must remember that! Going for a drink - just mine doesn't have alcohol in it. Genius

[Lucy2610]

PS 27 years - amazing & congrats!!

[NoLongerJustAShopGirl]

aw shucks... - the first weekend, birthday, Christmas were the hardest... congrats to all that get past them.....

[Lucy2610]

Yep I completely agree - 14 1/2 months here and happy to be the other side of those now

[Alfiepants]

So happy to see others keen to do this. Have been a bit miserable this week and cancelled on parties due to go to. Two months in and just can't face it. I know that not going out is not the answer but can't help it. Some v good advice here...

[CornChips]

I was starting to get a bit panicky about Christmas and 'not drinking'. But yesterday I thought that I could treat myself to the gorgeous soft drinks I love, but rarely drink because I am always on a diet! I love Fentiman's Rose lemonade for example, and I love pineapple juice with lemonade and non-diet tonic water. So I was thinking about drinking this and got all excited about the 'treat' aspect of that!

[JustTryEverything]

Hi everyone - Christmas number 2 here and my word the change in my life, in me is absolutely worth every minute of anxiety and stress over my 1st sober Christmas last year.

It really is just another day, one more 24 hour reprieve from my disease - and what an amazing 24 hours they will be. My DS is 2.5 and I have a newborn so will be able to manage the early wake up with excitement, enthusiasm and selflessness instead of sickness, despair and resentment.

I will be able to focus on my family, my brother and his new wife, my parents - instead of obsessing about how I can force my will on the situation to get another drink.

As the day goes on, I will be present, available and considerate of everyone there - instead of slowly descending into a self pitying, selfish and irresponsible liability.

All of these things remind me why that just one drink is not an option for me and have made it incredibly easy as my sobriety increases to feel comfortable about not drinking alcohol and able to thoroughly enjoy social situations without alcohol.

That said, I do consider invitations carefully - if a party or other gathering involves mostly people you don't get on with that well (and would therefore usually need alcohol to hide behind), then be kind to yourself and put your sobriety first by politely declining. If you really have to go, then as pp have said, make sure you are able to leave at any time should you feel uncomfortable or wobbly in any way.

It's completely true that most other people do not care whether you are drinking or not - it's only our own warped obsession with alcohol and how much or what everyone else us drinking that is part of this disease. As others have said (sorry can't see on the app to name check) a breezy order for a soft drink rather tHan a stuttering apology and lots of excuses is the way forward.

AA saved my life but sharing in other ways outside of meetings is what I need to work on so I am really pleased to have found this topic, found this thread and found all you lovely sober people!

Have a great day everyone.

[Lucy2610]

CornChips I've bought Bill's Pink Lemonade for Christmas Day too :)
JustTryEverything What a fabulous message and congrats on Christmas no 2 sober - me too and can't wait!

[Lucy2610]

A friend of mine wrote this and it fits this thread perfectly
www.theguardian.com/society/she-said/2014/dec/13/a-christmas-letter-to-my-old-lover-alcohol

[ninawish]

I'm in please.

I'll be four months alcohol free on New Year's Eve after spending the last nearly 20 yrs drinking every night and lots other than when I was pregnant/feeding.

It was the Dry thread in Mumsnet which I came across by accident one night which finally after years of knowing I had a problem gave me the inspiration to give up.

So far so good for an alcohol free Xmas but just this last week I've been craving a drink for the stress release at home - my triggers are being at home not out so the party thing I've kind of got covered I think!!

love this new topic thanks mumsnet

[poppymoon]

accidentally found this thread and it made me remember......... i may have a glass of secret celebratory pepsi max on 28th december as it will have been 9 years since i last touched alcohol. or maybe even 10. i rarely give it a thought now. what i once believed controlled my life, the thing i was sure i 'needed', its gone. totally gone. these days i only drink water, tetley tea or coffee - what a rebel having pepsi max :D

wishing you all the courage and strength to beat the demon if that is your desire. it is possible. trust me.

[Lucy2610]

Congrats ninawash on 4 months!! So happy that reading the Dry thread was your inspiration - you should pop over and let them know
poppymoon wow - 9/10 years! I would so love to be able to say that in a few years time - that I rarely give it a thought Enoy your Pepsi Max on the 28th.

[ninawish]

Thanks Lucy yes I should! I've lurked for too long lol

[TeapotDictator]

Marking my place on here. I'll be 5 months AF on Christmas Day. Have a couple of social events lined up this week and whilst I'm not anxious about it, it's certainly making me think about the fact I'm not drinking.

Had my mother asking if I'd be interested in "just one, small glass of champagne on Christmas Day". Really had to think about that one, because I knew I was explaining it to someone who really didn't get why I couldn't or wouldn't want to do that. I know the answer to that question has to be "no thanks", and the reason is because it would either be one glass (leaving me grumpy and tense and annoyed I wasn't having more, as well as bringing on that irritating tiredness that a small amount of alcohol drunk during the day precipitates) or it would be most of the bottle and then moving onto white wine for the rest of the day, a bad night's sleep and feeling like shit in the morning, etc etc etc.