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Partner adoption and biological father

(33 Posts)
atomich01 Sat 28-Sep-13 10:19:06

Hey all, I have a couple of questions here...

I've been with my partner since my son was a few months old (he's now 12) and although my boy is fully aware that he's not his "real" dad, he considers him to be dad. He's met his biological dad once, and wasn't impressed.

We were thinking the other day and realised that if anything ever happened to me, my partner would have no legal rights whatsoever over our boy, so we're looking at adoption. (We do not intend to marry, although we would possibly consider it if it would make the process easier). Our boy loves the idea of dad becoming legal dad and is all for it.

Biological dad has seen my boy once in 12 years, and doesn't pay maintenance, although we keep in touch sporadically and are on generally friendly terms.

My concern is actually for biological dad - we had a fling while he was separated from his wife which resulted in my beautiful boy, he eventually went back to his wife, but his wife doesn't know about his extra son as biological dad didn't want to tell her (even though they were separated at the time). I'm worried that social services will contact biological dad, it says they will want to do a "report" on him for the courts. I don't want to cause him any problems, he's never caused us any problems and is basically a decent guy, but if SS turn up on his doorstep his wife is going to find out.

He is named on my boy's birth certificate, but as far as I can tell, he has no parental responsibility as it was before 2003, and he has no contact or financial contribution, so would they need to contact him? Could he just get a letter to his workplace to sign or something? I know he won't object to the adoption if it's what we (me, partner and our boy) want to do.

The adoption will go through eventually regardless as me and my partner will do what is best for our boy, but I'd like to avoid problems for biological dad if I can.

Any advice or insights are appreciated!

benfoldsfive Sat 28-Sep-13 12:22:57

Ss will do a report and bio dad needs to be contacted for this. I'm sure if you explained to ss and bio dad he could go to the office and have the interview and sign the papers there to avoid his family finding out.

Bio dad needs to be agreeable to this of course.

You can both go to Court and agree that your new dp cam be given pr

Lilka Sat 28-Sep-13 12:54:00

SS will need to sit down and talk with him about his views etc. Adoption is regarded as the most serious thing any family court could ever do, so it's very important that the other biological parent is always contacted unless it's impossible to find them and they have the opportunity to put their views across (object or fight it if they want to). If he doesn't want his wife to find out, you and he will (assuming he agrees to adoption) have to arrange that he is not contacted at his home address but meets social workers somewhere else.

There is quite a good leaflet on step parent adoption here (it's a very similar process anywhere you live) -

atomich01 Sat 28-Sep-13 13:19:13

Thanks for the replies.

My main worry was that I didn't want bio dad being contacted at home, his wife has no need to know, and I don't want her to find out and be hurt by this.

I've emailed bio dad that I need to talk to him, I did mention the possibility of adoption a while back and he had no objections then, so hopefully he'll still feel the same now.

As long as he can meet with ss in such a way that his wife won't find out, then I think it should work out fine.

Thanks for your advice smile

Rooners Sat 28-Sep-13 13:23:28

I was told that it wasn't necessarily obligatory to get the approval of the biological father.

It is an unusual case though and so be prepared that your local ss team may have to get back to you on it if you call them to ask.

I have a child who has never so far met his actual father and I hope he never will, and I also hope that one day I might meet someone who would be prepared to adopt him.

Good luck

benfoldsfive Sat 28-Sep-13 13:28:34

I have known judges denand Fathers consent being sought from far remote african villages!

You have to show you have gone above and beyond if he is in contactable.

Perpirating abuse towards child is the only reason he can not object but even then it can be over thrown site to human rights issues

It is very serious.

benfoldsfive Sat 28-Sep-13 13:30:45

I think talking to him cosy them contacting ss is the best plan. I also don't think it's an unusual case. It is pretty straight forward if he agrees. Good luck

Rooners Sat 28-Sep-13 14:24:16

Sorry, I only meant unusual in terms of not wanting his wife to know iyswim and how they go about contacting him in this instance.

As an aside do you know if (sorry to hijack OP) it is required to try and seek out the father if the father has never been in touch despite knowing about the pregnancy?

I would be afraid of involving someone who was fairly abusive in character if it wasn't legally necessary.

benfoldsfive Sat 28-Sep-13 15:02:14

I was in the same situation as that rooners when my dh adopted my dd.

He still had to be asked. It is legally very final.

It can never be undone. If is final. For example he signs the papers and shows up on your door step - you can have him arrested. It removes all legal rights, that includes maintenence and inheritance ( unless stated in the will)

There is no legal difference between step parent adoption and formal adoption

I had lots of heart ache when deciding to go down the step parent adoption route. I had to be prepared it would open a can of worms. It must cause the bio dad to think long and hard about the past and the future

fortunately he agreed straight away, was uninterested and it went smoothly.

Lilka Sat 28-Sep-13 16:22:12

I'm pretty sure the local authority have a legal duty to interview the other birth parents if they can find them and if the parent agrees to meet. If the other parent is missing, just can't be found anywhere or there's some other exceptional reason they can't be interviewed, the local authority will have to demonstrate that to the court.

Kewcumber Sat 28-Sep-13 16:45:58

You can apply to waive birth parent consent (DS's adoption was done this way) but they won't do that just on the say so of the other birth parent! Waiver of birth parent consent is taken very seriously and I have seen courts insist that reisdent birth/adoptive parents go to extraordinary lengths to contact other birth parent - even where it patently obviously isn;t possible or even in the best interests of the child.

I would think for the borth father to contact a named person at SS provided by you will be the most straightforward way forward.

Rooners Sat 28-Sep-13 18:36:33

Oh that is bad news.

There is no way on earth I would ever make contact with his father.

Back to the drawing board.

Namechangesforthehardstuff Sat 28-Sep-13 20:34:33

Is he on birth certificate Rooners?

Rooners Sun 29-Sep-13 08:14:25

No, does that make a difference?

Rooners Sun 29-Sep-13 08:16:40

here says so


SPsTwerkingNineToFive Sun 29-Sep-13 08:19:25

I was adopted by mums partner at 10/11. I think my bio dad had to sign papers. In family court room I was given the chance to change first and middle name too! I wasn't allowed sad

My bio dad handed me straight over. He just saw it as a way of not having to pay maintenance and money was more important. Best thing he ever did for me

SPsTwerkingNineToFive Sun 29-Sep-13 08:21:44

Rooners cant you say you don't know the father? If not on birth cert then I dont see why you couldn't. Look into it, might just be away to do it

Rooners Sun 29-Sep-13 08:30:38

Yes I thought of that but would prefer obvs not to lie in court, it might come back to bite me iyswim? I am glad btw that it worked out for you, I think that's brilliant. What do you think you would have changed your name to?

SPsTwerkingNineToFive Sun 29-Sep-13 09:28:30

Id have changed my first name for sure but mum said no. I have no idea what. Probably Barry as I was adamant I was a boy at that age grin It was very quick. Basically asked if I was happy with it happening and I agreed. It was a Christmas eve too when it happened.

Bio dad had a choice either back dated child maintenance or sign rights over to my dad. That paper was signed so quick. He tried telling me he didn't have a choice and was forced hmm

I know have two birth certs with different fathers on.

I'm sure if the father hasn't been in contact or paying for so long they don't need him there. Do you know where he is? If not then you aren't technically lying

Rooners Sun 29-Sep-13 09:43:18

LOL at Barry grin

Thanks for your advice, I'll look into it a bit more carefully I think, it's really complicated.

Sometimes it is a good thing when a deadbeat parent is 'honest' enough to just sign over the child to people who care about them.

I have a feeling if he did get in touch, one mention of the CSA and he would back off again sharpish.

Namechangesforthehardstuff Mon 30-Sep-13 19:55:33

I think you don't know who father is. No idea. Could be any one of a number of gentlemen. Shall I call them all and ask if anyone wants to put their name down with me and the CSA?

benfoldsfive Mon 30-Sep-13 21:44:06

Yeah, then if he shows up at a later date and claims to be the father and that op knew and didn't try to find him - OP faces legal prosecution and the bio dad can claim rights. Brilliant idea.

Thank God op is showing some sense and understands the importance and legality of the matter

Lilka Mon 30-Sep-13 23:03:50

I would point out that one of the very few grounds in this country for overturning an adoption, is that the birth parent was unaware of the adoption proceedings

Rooners Tue 01-Oct-13 07:56:27

Lilka, would that still apply if he was never on the birth certificate and never had PR?

Rooners Tue 01-Oct-13 08:03:34

Also would it only matter if the biological father wanted and was prepared to take care of the child himself?

I mean could he seek to overturn the adoption if he was never prepared to actually look after the child? Like being a dog in the manger, sort of thing?

as for being a 'fit parent' I don't think he would qualify in any way, shape or form sadly.

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