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Spoke to my birth mother after 42 years..

(76 Posts)
squeakytoy Tue 25-Sep-12 21:47:52

As the title says really. I just need to post this somewhere and this seemed the right place.

I always knew I was adopted, it was never a secret or really something that bothered me.

But natural curiosity always made me wonder about my biological mother. My mum (adopted one but she will always be mum to me) died 4 years ago, my dad died 19 years ago, and as I had no siblings, I felt rather lost in the world, so my curiosity stepped up a level and I thought I would try and find the woman who had given birth to me. It was luckily quite easy thanks to the power of the internet.

I had also been looking in the wrong country for the last decade when I made my half hearted searches, so no wonder I hit a dead end.

Anyway, I found her, right name, right age, living in the USA. And after a few glasses of wine last week, I just rang the number.

She answered.

Probably the most awkward stumbling introduction of my life, and I feel a bit bad for just springing the call on her, but hey, I figured she has had 42 years to wonder if one day I might just find her.

Well, we spoke for an hour, and I now dont feel like I have a missing piece of my personal jigsaw. She is going to write to me and send me photos.

The next night I also had a phone call from her neice, who is older than me by a few years and had always known of my existence. She said my BM was so utterly thrilled to have heard from me. She has spent the last year battling cancer and just been given the all clear, and hearing from me was her dream come true (thankfully!!).

That was last Thursday, and I have felt so wierd since then. In a good way. I always said while my parents were alive, I had no need to even find my birth mother, but after my mums death, I felt the need to find out more strongly than ever. I knew my BM would also be getting older (she is 68 now) and realised that if I kept hesitating, one day it would be too late. I am so glad that I have done it and it is so far going ok on both sides.

Thanks for reading my waffle. And if there is a better place I could have posted this, please advise me and I will ask for it to be moved.

FamiliesShareGerms Tue 25-Sep-12 21:52:52

squeaky, this is absolutely a good place to post this and glad to hear that your contact is going well.

bushymcbush Tue 25-Sep-12 21:55:54

How brave of you to make that call! And a lovely, satisfying outcome.

PopOozeTheFastest Tue 25-Sep-12 21:59:34

How lovely for you Squeaky. I wish you nothing but happiness.

Pooka Tue 25-Sep-12 22:00:45

So she was just 16 when she had you. sad

How lovely that you've been able to find her after all this time and that in the meantime you had (I hope) fantastic mother and father while you were growing up.

squeakytoy Tue 25-Sep-12 22:01:48

Not sure about brave.. lol.. drunken courage most definately..

Thanks.. smile

I did completely freak my husband out a bit though.. I stumbled went up to bed and prodded him, and said "hey, i just talked to my mother".. he opened his eyes and looked at me as if I had lost the plot... me "no, no, not the one who died... my birth mother"...

I cant wait to see the photos that she is going to send me, as it will be so surreal to see someone whose genes I have.

She was lovely about my parents, (I knew she had met them once, but didnt realise that she had met them a few times during the adoption process). She wanted to know that I had had a happy life and been loved (which I was, very much) and I reassured her that I did not hate her for giving me up, and totally understood the circumstances.

squeakytoy Tue 25-Sep-12 22:04:39

No, I am 42 and she is nearly 68, she was 24 when she had me. She did already have a 7 year old son (my half brother) who was from an abusive marriage that she had left. Back in 1969 there wasnt the help available for single mothers that there is now, and she knew that she would struggle to cope with two kids, so she decided I deserved a better chance than she could give me. As I said, I dont blame her, and I had a fabulous childhood with the best parents you could wish for.

Hassled Tue 25-Sep-12 22:11:29

I can't imagine the courage it must have taken you to pick up that phone and make the call - no amount of wine would have made it easy! Am delighted for you smile.

lljkk Tue 25-Sep-12 22:13:19

Ooh, what a fantastic story. I hope it builds & you can find a friendship together.

mirry2 Tue 25-Sep-12 22:14:26

lovely story. It's given me goosbumps

LouMacca Tue 25-Sep-12 22:15:08

Oh wow!! Very best wishes for the future smile

Pooka Tue 25-Sep-12 22:16:19

Maths not my strongpoint then wink blush

Really pleased for you.

Must be a strange feeling though.

fuckadoodlepoopoo Tue 25-Sep-12 22:17:49

Wow that's amazing!

Lilka Tue 25-Sep-12 22:18:48

Very glad to hear it went well for you, and best wishes for the future smile

lemontruffles Tue 25-Sep-12 22:20:35

Wow, you did have courage wine or no wine what a wonderful story.

Hope your photos arrive soon, and how exciting to have this new beginning for all of you!

squeakytoy Tue 25-Sep-12 22:23:10

We are already in the middle of planning a trip to the USA to my best mates wedding next spring, so will hopefully now be adding a couple of more stops onto the trip.. although if we win the lotto first, I will be going much sooner!

I dont want to rush things, but equally, the last few years have made me realise how quickly life goes by, and how short life is, and that some things should never be put off if they are important.

showtunesgirl Tue 25-Sep-12 22:49:25

Wow, amazing story OP. Hope the trip turns out well. smile

DameKewcumber Tue 25-Sep-12 22:50:13

How lovely to hear that contact with her was so positive for you. If I were any kind of believer I would like to think of your parents smiling down on you - I would be if it were my DS.

Good luck

chickydoo Tue 25-Sep-12 22:53:14

Good on you. How lovely to read a positive post. I hope you can now find a kind of peace ( or even piece) in your life

Devora Tue 25-Sep-12 22:57:11

Wow, what a post! smile

whethergirl Tue 25-Sep-12 23:07:11

That's fantastic, what a great outcome.

Was she very shocked when you told her who you were? Or did she think it might happen one day? It must be amazing to suddenly discover a whole new family.

FizzyLaces Tue 25-Sep-12 23:15:52

Wow, just wow! That is truly amazing - well done for making the call.

squeakytoy Tue 25-Sep-12 23:17:56

Thanks everyone.

She was a bit shocked I think, but she couldnt stop talking.. and neither could I.

It was very wierd, it really was. It felt like I knew her, she didnt seem like a stranger.

Knowing I now have a new family is really really good. Knowing I can now do my family tree is great.

It was the one thing I had unanswered in life, and as I dont have biological children of my own, (I have stepchildren), it was even more important to me to find a link if that makes sense.

LizLemon007 Tue 25-Sep-12 23:21:41

Wow, what a phonecall!


budgieshell Tue 25-Sep-12 23:22:40

That must have been a very strange conversation what on earth did you find to talk about?

Sounds like you found more than just your mum, a half brother and cousins, aunts and uncles ? How big is your family?

My mum could not find her birth mother but was frightened of what she would find out. So you are very brave, well done, I hope it all goes well for you.

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