This is something that I'm thinking about for the next couple of years, as I'm not even living with current partner yet!
DS was born in 1999 and doesn't have bio father's name on birth cert. Bio father was violent, abusive, rapey and in and out of prison etc, I left him before DS was born and have not had contact with him since. We were not married so there is no 'official' trace of him as my partner at the time.
I've had one email and a couple of notes sent from him over the years, asking me to get in touch, but I've ignored them as I don't want any contact with him again.
It's possible that he doesn't know that DS exists, he did not mention a child in any of the messages. At the time I was pg, we'd discussed possibility of me being pg as I'd missed periods but never had an actual test. When I first left him he'd gone around to my parents' home bragging that he knew I was pg. As it was first trimester he may have assumed that I'd had an abortion.
Anyway, now I have a new partner and at some point I'd like DS to be adopted by him. One reason is that we might move to partner's home country and DS could only have full rights as adopted child, not step-child. Plus I'd like reassurance that psycho-ex wouldn't end up looking after DS if anything should happen to me.
I'm concerned that if I go through the adoption route, psycho-ex might try to be difficult once he finds out that DS definitely exists and try to start having contact/block the adoption. He doesn't have PR as I understand it, so that helps.
I know that the courts can dispense with the absent parent's consent, but is that likely to happen in this situation? I don't have much 'proof' of the abusive relationship, e.g. through social services or hospitals.
I've also considered simply not giving information about psycho-ex to help SW's trace him. There is no paper trace of him as we weren't married and there's never been any DNA tests, CSA involvement. How hard would they check if I said he was, say, a one-night stand? I genuinely don't know his current address in fact, although I know of ways to contact him via the internet.
And an extra question - as partner is from another country, how will that affect the adoption procedure? He's lived in the UK for two and a half years.
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8 replies
threemee · 12/09/2009 15:58
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