Looking for the idiot's guide to adoption

[babyignoramus]

Hi, I have one DS who is 5 months, and whilst I can't imagine my self as a mother of 1, I also can't imagine wanting to go thorugh pregnancy/birth again (although I know my feelings may change on this as the memories fade). I'm just tentatively thinking that maybe adopting a second child could be the answer.

Do many people go abroad to adopt? If I were going to adopt I would like to help a child in another country, but I'm not sure if that is a feasable option for us as I know it can be very expensive and it would be hard to justify that with DS already.

Also, how many people adopt through SS? How lengthy is the process roughly? How would I even begin to get started as being considered?

It seems like the most complicated minefield but it is something I would really like to at least consider.

[NanaNina]

I don't think this is the right time for you to be thinking about adoption. Your own baby is too young and as you say you may well decide on another birth child when the memories of pregnancy and birth have faded.

Also you need to think more about your motivation to adopt. Most children awaiting adoption are older children, sibling groups and those with special needs. Mostly they will need to be the youngest childrenin the family so that they are not competing with younger children.

All children awaiting adoption have experienced neglect/abuse and will have been adversely affected and so will almost always have some sort of behaviour problems.

The process is very lengthy. You start by asking SS for info about adoption and they should send you an information pack and you could then be invitied on to a preparation group where all aspects of adoption are discussed. this is followed by an in depth assessment of you and your P/H and the sw will then make a recommendation as to your suitability (or otherwise) to adopt and then you go before an Adoption Panel and get approved (or not) You then wait (sometimes a long time) to be matched with a child.

I'm not trying to put you off but I think any sw would be concerned about the age of your own baby. Maybe this is something you could think of later on if in fact you don't have another birth child. May addoptors have it in their mind for years before they take action.

[babyignoramus]

Thanks Nana, it isn't something we would do for several years, but just wanted to start gathering info. If we do decide to do it it may give us a head start, at least in understanding the process.

[MamaKaty]

Contact your local social services team anyway - they know themselves how long and drawn out the process can be and they should be more than happy to provide you with information to help you think about your options, without requiring any firm commitment

[KristinaM]

i agree with everything nina says

most children needing adoption in teh uk are school age and have different kinds of special needs. many are in sibling groups or need black families. its not really an " alternative" to having another bio child.

SS will only place a child AT LEAST 2 years younger than your own. so they woudln't be thinking of assessing you for a 5 year old until your own son is about 6

you dont mention how your partner feels about your plans?

if you want information about overseas adoption, you should join Oasis. If you are thinking of domestic adoption, join Adoption UK

good luck

meeting other adopters might help you sort out what you want to do