I'm adopting DSS (aged 8), his mother (DH's first wife) died when DSS was 3, DH and I got married last year. As far as DSS is concerned, I'm Mummy and then there's 'Mummy Up There' who he remembers well. The only reason for the adoption is to make the legal relationship clearer and also for when DH and I have more children.
I've filled in forms about why I want to adopt him, what I'd like his future to be, who my family's names and what their professions are, we've all filled in forms (inc DSS) about each others personality and described ourselves physically. TBH, apart from the CRB and 'court form' I've felt these are all a bit daft as whatever happens I'll remain as 'Mummy' but I've appreciated that it's the system.
DH met the social worker today to 'see that he agrees to me adopting his son and to find out about his birth mother'. I didn't need to be there and it seemed quite obvious she didn't want me to be.
She was there for two hours, wanted DH to tell her about his relationship with DSS's mother from getting together to her death, wanted to know about DSS's reaction to her death (fair enough) and will 'write a report'. DH now has to write a 'report' himself on his first wife's personality etc to send to the social worker. Now I understand all the rest of the stuff, but what relevance does this have to whether I'll be a 'good mother' or DSS's future life? DH says it'll 'go on file' so DSS can look at it in the future if he wants. Well DSS still sees all his mothers family (as we have told the social worker-they seem more interested in her family than mine) and is surrounded by people who will answer his questions with love and understanding, as and when they come.
I guess what I'm really fed up with is feeling like DSS will forever feel like 'the boy whose Mum died' and he's been getting over that in the last year.
Any wisdom or humour would be appreciated!
Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.
Adoption
Questioning the relevance of all this info the social worker wants....
randomtask · 07/08/2009 16:31
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