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I want to help my friends who are adopting v soon...

(19 Posts)
deckchair Mon 08-Sep-08 22:26:18

My v good friends have recently received their match certificate and soon they begin the process of meeting the children they are due to adopt.
I have always taken the stance of chatting to them when they want to talk and not mentioning it when i get the sense they dont want to talk about it (due to hard points they are had to go through etc) Basically, they have known this and have always got an ear for them or any support should they want it.
I have collected a few bits of things for them (toothpaste, flannels, soap and few items of clothing) and have given them to them as I have got them.

What other thoughtful things can I do? They are special people and are excellent with my own children and just want them to know how much we care.
Anyone with experience of adopting, what were the best things people did for you? tia

hester Mon 08-Sep-08 22:36:09

What a nice friend you are smile

I've not adopted (yet) but I would think you should do what you would do if your friend had a birth child: get excited with/for them (easier now it looks like it's definitely going to happen), talk as much as they want about it, perhaps give flowers/card to mark the occasion, once the children arrive, visit as soon as you are invited to do so and take a cake!

What WOULDN'T I want a friend to do? Talk about it as a second best to having a birth child, talk about it as if it's the same thing as having a birth child, ask intrusive questions about the children's background/why they're being adopted, talk up or down any potential problems...

But I know you're far too nice a friend to do any of those things!

Kewcumber Mon 08-Sep-08 23:00:36

couldn't put it better than hester.

mummyBop Tue 09-Sep-08 10:13:57

I think Hester put it perfectly.

My best friend also bought me something - a beautiful bracelet with three tiny hearts on when we got our three.

Good luck

Bop

LouMacca Tue 09-Sep-08 10:57:58

Congratulations to your friends!

My friends adopted two brothers last year - wow! the change in them has been amazing. They are very special people.

We sent a card and bought a present (I bought 'two brothers' by Willowtree).

We get together when we can and all the children get on so well (we have a boy and a girl). As far as we are concerned they are as much their children as our birth children are ours.

My friend has never spoken about their difficult background and I respect that and would never mention it.

Good Luck smile

Littlefish Tue 09-Sep-08 11:03:38

I bought my friends a lovely book called No matter what. It has quickly become their "family" book as it talks about the big people in the family loving the little people no matter what they do, think or say. The great thing is that it doesn't talk about "mum, dad, child" at all, so it can be used by any members of the extended family to explain how they feel.

The other thing we did was to offer to babysit for them after about 6 months so that they could have an evening to themselves.

mumwhereareyou Tue 09-Sep-08 11:58:17

Agree with littlefish, we adopted a sibling group of 3, 3 yrs ago.And one of the best things was my friend offering to do my housework and ironing once a week, whilst we settled in.

Also loved the fact that she gave my her childrens hand me downs in fact i cried as it brought home to me that i was now a proper mother IFYKWIM.

Also an invite to all go out as families whether to a soft play area or a meal even McDonalds.

But just by asking shows what a kind and thoughtful person you are.

deckchair Tue 09-Sep-08 12:09:09

Thank you all so much for your ideas. I really appreciate it.
Thank you to hester for your kind words- good luck with your adoption process.
I love the idea of the book for the family. I am off to order it, it looks ideal.

Both parents have big families so they may get lots of gifts and i wonder if the children may be overwhelmed by them all. (they are 4 and 2) I think i will just ask and see what the parents want me to do.

I have saved some clothes from my dd too.

I do Like the idea of a family day out as we are not close enough (distance) for me to do housework / ironing.

Kewcumber Tue 09-Sep-08 12:46:07

lots of lovely books for adotpion

www.amazon.co.uk/We-Belong-Together-Adoption-Families/dp/0316016683/ref=wl_it_dp?ie=UTF8&coliid=I25U S8N3SEOREY&colid=O958ZHSOY0JH

Kewcumber Tue 09-Sep-08 12:47:07

spread the visitng/presents out to avoid overwhelming (they won;t be "open" for visitors for a little while anyway so you could post a card/present and say "looking forward to meeting the new family members")

Kewcumber Tue 09-Sep-08 12:47:58

more generic www.amazon.co.uk/Family-Book-Todd-Parr/dp/0316738964/ref=wl_it_dp?ie=UTF8&coliid=I2KT5VYJ3K3RHX&coli d=O958ZHSOY0JH

Kewcumber Tue 09-Sep-08 12:49:30

www.amazon.co.uk/First-Look-at-Books/dp/0764124617/ref=pd_sim_b_2

are you bored yet? grin

Kewcumber Tue 09-Sep-08 12:52:11

this is a nice idea

deckchair Tue 09-Sep-08 20:45:15

Thanks Kewcumber - will get one of those for my dd too, I didnt realise a book may help my dd understand too. blush

hester Tue 09-Sep-08 22:16:19

When my friend adopted a toddler earlier this year, I sent some of the books that my toddler had loved best (new copies, obviously). My friend said it was a particularly good present because they started reading them at bedtime, and it was very bonding for them.

Kewcumber Tue 09-Sep-08 22:40:21

how old is your DD Deckchair?

deckchair Wed 10-Sep-08 10:22:38

dd is 3.1

Kewcumber Wed 10-Sep-08 10:30:47

3 is really to young to understand the "concept" of adoption which most children don;t really get until around 5. but certianly not too young to have a stroy about an adoption as she may have come across pregnant women before and been confused by where the chidlrne are coming from.

deckchair Thu 11-Sep-08 14:24:05

Thanks Kewcumber - DD has asked about the children and as you suggest seen pregnant women (me included!) so a book will be a great help.

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