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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Felling so down and confused !!!!!

(18 Posts)
rowe Tue 29-Jul-08 20:17:21

Ok we have put our names down to adopet my uncles daughter ,and the ss are never happy with the answers we give . We new it would be hard but not imposible !!!!

Janni Tue 29-Jul-08 20:23:11

Are you confident that you are the right people to adopt this little girl?

Are you flexible and open-minded, as well as able to set firm boundaries?

Are you ready to have your lives turned upside down?

Answer those questions and then those of us who've been there might be able to give you some tips!

KristinaM Tue 29-Jul-08 20:25:37

I'm sorry, its very difficult isnt it

you would think they would be more helpful, as its best ( where ever possible) for children to stay within their extended families

is your uncle supporting you in this?

rowe Tue 29-Jul-08 20:49:20

thank you for replying .yes he is supporting us but when we first went to ss we made the mistake of saying we didnt want my uncle to know we had her as we were worrid what he would do ! ie knocking on door at all hours etc .but since then we have spoke to him and his partener and have come closer and he is happy to have us adopt her and still doesnt know where we live and says he wants it to stay that way , ( so not to be tempted ).
We are sure we are doing the right thing and are the right family for this little girl and are ready for all the ups and downs that are coming our way and we have lots of support from friends and family . there are also questions we can not find answers to like the legal bedroom require ments and how many to a room etc ..we cant find eny information at all eny where even ss have limited leaflets but expect us to know it all . And we are able to place boundariesand be firm with it .

mummyBop Tue 29-Jul-08 20:53:34

I hope it goes well - it will be hard, but the questions are designed to ensure that this little girl goes to the right home for her.

I don't think there are legal bedroom requirements - ideally she would have her own room, but when ours initially came, all three shared a room.

I presume she had a difficult early life and if so, that will affect her. You might find parenting her very different to your own children and that may also be tricky for them.

Good luck
Bop

rowe Tue 29-Jul-08 21:01:05

thanks mummybop she is only four months and so would be with us initally but we were wondering if she could go in with dd2 nearly 3 or have to have her own room .

Janni Tue 29-Jul-08 21:05:11

I really don't think she would have to have her own room - that might be the expectation if you were fostering her, but now if she were to be a permanent member of your family - sisters very often share bedrooms!

rowe Tue 29-Jul-08 21:11:35

thats what i was hoping there isnt many 5 beders nocking about lol

rowe Tue 29-Jul-08 21:20:57

well here is one of the questions we were asked .
Q,Why do you want to adopt this little girl?
A, We want to keep her in the family .
We want to bring her up in a loving caring home .
to provide with a safe upbringing and loving family and to give back to the system as i was in care as a child

they replied well thats not enough ? So what else can we say

Kewcumber Wed 30-Jul-08 11:51:36

SS may be uneasy about your reluctance to consider your uncle as part of her life. However sensible it seems now, he is her birth father and she will probably want to know about him, meet him etc. You need to convince SS that you are prepared for this and have thought through the implications for her, for you and for him.

Kewcumber Wed 30-Jul-08 11:52:57

the answer to why do you want to adopt her is not because it the "right" thing or because you want ot give something back to the system (from her point of view) - its because you love her and would be heartbroken if she was placed somewhere else.

How old is she?

Kewcumber Wed 30-Jul-08 11:55:02

sorry just seen - only 4 months.

There will be families desparate for a young child, you need to convince them that you will love her like no-one else will and will provide a connection to her birth history and family ties that no-one else can.

Janni Wed 30-Jul-08 18:55:25

I totally agree with Kewcumber.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Fri 01-Aug-08 14:26:24

Have to say, 'keeping her in the family' is a great aim but only if it's because you love her so much you couldn't bear for someone else to raise her. Just being related isn't good enough. Also, you don't adopt to erase past mistakes/keep her out of the care system. That's about you, not her.

Sorry to sound harsh, but for her sake, you need to think about these things.

rowe Mon 11-Aug-08 15:52:05

sorry its taken so long for me too post you are so right just am so upset that i was been a bit selfish and you are so right i would be so heart broken if she went some where else . I herd from my uncle she was in an acccident on friday ,she is fine but i havent slept very well since and am so worried about her . have tried to ring ss all day but are always busy . will try again later !

rowe Mon 11-Aug-08 15:52:07

sorry its taken so long for me too post you are so right just am so upset that i was been a bit selfish and you are so right i would be so heart broken if she went some where else . I herd from my uncle she was in an acccident on friday ,she is fine but i havent slept very well since and am so worried about her . have tried to ring ss all day but are always busy . will try again later !

KristinaM Mon 25-Aug-08 20:44:55

how is your niece rowe? and how is the home study going?

rowe Fri 29-Aug-08 07:38:48

she is my cousin and she is fine we still havent seen her and havent herd from ss in bout two weeks will ring them tuesday when kids at school
i have still got alot of thinking to do as ive posted on simpleasabc

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