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Suggestions on how to introduce another sibling

(19 Posts)
alysonpeaches Thu 12-Jun-08 12:47:50

I already have a 2 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. They are my grandchildren, the boy came to live with me when he was about 19 months old and his sister came to me from birth. I have just found out they have another sister, 11 months, who is in foster care. There is a strong possibility she will be coming to live with us in September. I am having twice weekly contact and can increase this.

I havent said anything to the other two yet. The difficulty will be with the boy who has special needs (possibly aspergers, but normal intelligence). He doesnt like change and his behaviour can be very immature, even though he is very bright.

How do I introduce them to each other? I was planning to do this on neutral ground eg on an outing or picnic.

What do you think?

claricebeansmum Thu 12-Jun-08 12:50:41

I think neutral ground is very important. Have no experience but it sounds sensible - and over a period of time, and then perhaps some sleepovers if possible.

In awe of you taking on GC - don't know circumstances but am in admiration of you.

Kewcumber Thu 12-Jun-08 14:39:50

I think little and often if possible and yes I agree that neutral ground like a park would be good. ALso worth considering giving the 5 year old some control (or at least the illusion of!) - asking where he wants to go perhaps.

ajandjjmum Thu 12-Jun-08 14:59:56

What a wonderful grandparent you are! Sorry that circumstances have led you to this. No real suggestions, but I would have thought 'gradual' would be the key. Hope it works out for you.

smile

alysonpeaches Mon 16-Jun-08 12:14:59

They will be introduced shortly through a series of short outings.

Next comes the bedroom shuffle to make way for the little un. Unfortunately our little boy is in the back double bedroom and his sis in the front small room. We could do with swapping them round so both girls could go together. Easier said than done for a boy with aspergers and a little girl who has just established a reasonable sleep pattern (only one night time waking now!).

colander Mon 16-Jun-08 12:47:49

Could he redecorate his own room? (The smaller one) e.g. a new cabin bed, own choice of paint (from a pre-selected range of course!), posters, new duvet cover etc.? My DD1 has autistic tendencies and was fine swapping rooms (although she did end up with the bigger one) so he may surprise you.

Could he also help as much as possible with the new preparations? I know with my DD1 getting her to be "in charge" of things really helps her to cope with change.

I hope all goes well.

Kewcumber Mon 16-Jun-08 14:35:17

couldn't little one go in with you to start with? Or do you think that might be seen as favoritism?

alysonpeaches Mon 16-Jun-08 17:21:26

Thanks colander and kewcumber. They are all good ideas. I have thought about having the little one in with us as her cot is in the same room as her foster mums ... but husband isnt keen! I dont have a lot of money to spend on new bed and stuff, but new posters/duvet and curtains are within my range!

maryz Mon 16-Jun-08 23:34:07

I have a ds with Asperger's. When we wanted him to move room, we allowed him to decorate the new room his way, but didn't mention him sleeping in it - it was just a playroom done his way, with his crazes and posters etc. He actually asked to sleep in it, and we waited about a week after he was sleeping in it full time before we moved dd into his old room. He believed it was his choice for a long time!

alysonpeaches Wed 16-Jul-08 11:15:07

Well my little boy absolutely adores his new sister. They have met twice, this sunday she spent a half day with us and she is coming again today. He doesnt seem to have a problem with her and wants her to share his bedroom! We have decided to give this a go as both he and his youngest sister are the better sleepers of the 3.

Our 2 year old girl is actually a bit put out by her new sister and has been a bit miserable and clingy. But she is generally a sweet natured child and we think she will come round. She obviously liked being the baby, and changes from telling us she is a big girl to wanting to be a baby and wanting to be fed. I know this is quite typical with the arrival of a new sibling so Im not worrying too much.

alysonpeaches Wed 16-Jul-08 11:16:46

We have just learned that it might be August rather than September and THERE IS ANOTHER BABY ON THE WAY DUE OCTOBER!!!

Sim43 Wed 16-Jul-08 11:20:13

How lovely, the very best of luck to you all. How lucky these childen are to have such wonderful grandparents like you. You have brought tears to my eyes this morning.

Kewcumber Wed 16-Jul-08 11:23:11

ooh congratulations glad its gone well so far.

noonki Wed 16-Jul-08 11:25:50

Though I don't know anything about your situation, I think that you are amazing grandparents,

do you think that you will be having the baby as well?

So glad to hear that your 5yo handled the situation so well,

With the 2yo - my DS1 was 19 months when I had my baby and at now nearly three he still sometimes wants to be the baby - so I say I've got two babies (which either he loves or says no I'm a big boy!). Just keep on giving her attention - I often do the 'oh look baby isn't you r big brother so clever etc...' and he loves it.

ProfessorGrammaticus Wed 16-Jul-08 11:33:12

Another one on the way. Oh Alyson, when will she stop? Does your daughter(?) see the children at all?

Dynamicnanny Sun 20-Jul-08 16:07:44

You sound like a wonderful grandmother

So are they all siblings ?

alysonpeaches Tue 22-Jul-08 21:47:59

They are all siblings, same (both) parents. Thank you all for your good wishes. I went to court today for the first time to be made party to the proceedings. It looks very positive and it wont be long before the little one moves in.

Our one year old is having 2 half days a week at our house and loves being with her brother and sister. They both ask about her and look forward to her coming.

My daughter hasnt seen her children for 2 months. She has huge problems.

I must now do my best for the children, my daughter doesnt want any contact with me.

alysonpeaches Tue 05-Aug-08 19:33:45

Daughter saw the kids last Friday and of course we had behavioural problems afterwards which are just about ceasing. Its awful, I cant keep my own daughter away, but I feel I want to protect the children from the hurt they will feel when she stops visiting again.

On a more pleasant topic, last week in august it looks like baby 3 will be with us.

lottiejenkins Tue 05-Aug-08 19:42:59

Am so full of admiration for you,,,,, good luck with your extending family!!

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