The wait!!

[Kw1311]

Morning all, I hope everyone is well and coping ok in the current climate.. I know this is a how long is a piece of string questions but.. we were approved in mid October and still no signs of a match.. or even a profile to view.. i hear such variations some of our friends were shown their match on the day of approval? I was just wondering how long people waited to find their match?

[Weekends]

I think it varies so much, for so many reasons.
My daughter moved in 6 months after I went to the first panel. It was about a month after the first panel that I got that email about a potential match. But it will vary so much depending on those needing adoption in your area etc. It's so frustrating isn't it! Hope your SW is being helpful. X

[specialcase123]

the wait is awful.

Nothing to contribute but expect a long wait!!!

Currently experiencing the same...!

[Frogartist]

It's so hard to wait, but once you get The Phone Call it could all happen quite quickly! What age have you been approved for?

[Immieboo]

We were approved august and still no match - we with a voluntary agency so have to just keep checking linkmaker but with court delays there are less children being added to the site. It’s hard waiting.

[mahrezzy]

You should definitely be shown profiles by your social worker or the family finder. And if not tell them you want to go on Linkmaker. If you’re with a LA / consortium they’ll want you to match in-house - maybe there aren’t any children within your matching criteria? Regardless you should definitely be looking at profiles!

[EnergyCreatesReality]

We were approved mid October too and all the way through stage 1 and 2 we were told we would be matched really quickly as we would prefer siblings but the reality is very different. We were given access to LinkMaker a couple of weeks ago as our SW has said they have the lowest number of children with placement orders in years due to Covid holding the court process up.

We were shortlisted for a sibling group on LinkMaker and found out that 28 other families expressed an interest so there’s a lot of us in the same situation. We didn’t get selected so will be back on LinkMaker again which I’m finding really emotional.

This is definitely a lot harder than I expected, I think the situation with lockdown makes it worse as we can’t distract ourselves by going out and seeing friends.

Here’s hoping we all get matched soon x

[AncientEmo]

We were being shown profiles before panel and the linking meeting happened 2 days after panel. It depends on lots of different factors but I'd have a word with your SW just to ask if there's any to see.

[lilymty]

We waiting 12 days after panel & I through that was forever. 🙈. My friend was shown a profile before panel.

[ILoveKeyLime]

I was approved in June last year, looked at a single profile from my LA but have looked at so many on linkmaker I’m at a point where I don’t feel like I can look at another profile.

I’ve expressed interest in profiles and it takes weeks to get replies and in some cases I never get a reply. They need to sort out this linkmaker process.

This wait is draining and the current restrictions are not helping , as a PP mentioned I’m trying to keep busy but I’d normally be visiting friends, having time away and doing things which I won’t be able to do as easily once the child arrives. I know someone will say that once the child is here, the wait will be worth it and I get that. But in the moment knowing that it doesn’t seem bw helping.

[Kw1311]

We are approved for a sibling group both under 2 or a single child up to 18 months.. no link maker as yet and SW has said we need to exhaust option in LA first.. it really is so different for everyone isn’t it..

[Crechendo]

Our SW was reluctant to give us access to link maker. She said it can be very draining for very much the reasons pp have said. Keeping local means introductions will be a lot easier to do as well. I'm sure you'd travel the earth for your little one but practically speaking short distances to go will make for a better introduction experience for everyone.

Its hard, the wait. We were waiting about 3 months. This was pre Covid. We were shown profiles during this time but they weren't right for us.

Do not rush into a match just became it's there. The most important thing for you but also more importantly the little one is that it's the right match. If that takes 18 months then so be it. I wish I'd given myself and listened to that same advice!!

[Fakinit03]

We were approved in September heard noting until early December when we had two possible babies we were asked about but never got as far as seeing a profile. Then out of the blue the week before Xmas we were asked to look at a profile of the perfect match for us. We have matching panel 18th Feb and intros start 8th March! Before I felt like the waiting was unbearable and so long and now I can't believe I'm finishing work in 2 weeks and we have photos and videos of our daughter! It will happen all of a sudden. But it is so hard at the time!

[Jellycatspyjamas]

You usually need to be approved for 3 moths before going into Linkmaker - the local authority has spent considerable time and resources getting you to approval and will want to place their kids first.

Even on Linkmaker you’ll find things slow. The court processes are very delayed due to Covid, social work teams are running at reduced capacity and will prioritise current child protection investigations for obvious reasons, and everything is just harder at the moment. In normal times it’s not unusual to wait, just now I’d expect it to be longer not least because fewer children will be ready to be placed at the moment.

Your matching criteria plays a part too - sometimes a good match is waiting there for you to be approved, sometimes it takes much longer.

The waiting, looking at profiles, linking process was by far the hardest part of the process.

[PaintedLadyWBB]

The waiting is so hard and I sympathise with you. We were told there were so many children waiting and we wouldn’t be waiting long at all. We were approved in the December and matched in the April following 3 rejections. Friends of ours were matched a few days after approval so we were convinced that would be us too but it wasn’t. We watched the months go by with them preparing for their little one whilst we still waited on ours. People say it all the time but enjoy your life as it is now because it will change so dramatically when your LO(s) arrive. I would always keep telling myself that the right match hasn’t come along yet and that our LO is out there somewhere.
You have to prepare yourself for everything. It’s really hard knowing that you’ve been approved as an adopter but have to wait however long for your LO to arrive. My mum would always say that with a pregnancy you know that you’ll be a parent in 9 months time but with this it’s impossible to put a timescale on it. Just hang in there. Time will fly by

[PicklesandJJ]

I feel your pain. I was approved in November and so far not much progress. I did express an interest in a child before xmas, but didnt go any further.

My SW is great and very honest that my agency doesnt have any matches on their books or even upcoming so i was given access to link maker quite soon after panel.

I was led to believe i would be matched quickly as im looking for an older child, but like a few pwoplw have said with covid the courts are backlogged and so decisions on adoption orders are taking forever.

[hiptobeasquare]

I can totally sympathise. Waiting for a match was the hardest part of the process IMO. We waited a full year to be matched before we brought a 6 month old baby home. :)

[sabzino]

Pre pandemic care proceedings were 24 weeks. Currently we are looking at 9 months if there is no contest to multiple reports which have been filed. If it was my child I would contest all of them.

Hope that things speed up for you

[EarnshawLintonHeathcliff]

The wait is horrendous so I completely empathise with you.

I was approved in the August and it was either the following June or maybe even the June after that before I was matched with my child. It was excruciatingly painful whichever it was.

Linkmaker was a real bone of contention as my SW was very against it. Plus what people describe here of not getting responses, or being one of so many. But, friends of mine were matched with their child there, so it does work when it works, if that makes sense.

What I will say though is that as painful as that wait was, I wouldn't change a single bit of it because if ANYTHING different had happened along the way I wouldn't be mother to my amazing child. I'd be a mother, but not to this child, and that doesn't bear thinking about.

I would also say when you are approached, because you will be, try to stay true to yourself and listen to your gut. I was approached with two links, neither of which sat right with me for different reasons, yet it felt very pressurised kind of like 'you've waited all this time, you must say yes to any child that's presented to you', obligation and pressure I guess that's what I'm saying I felt. Plus, I was terrified of saying 'no', for so many different reasons, but thankfully I did. It wasn't until I was approached about my child that every single doubt I'd had the last two occasions melted away.

Try to remain as objective as you possibly can be (soo difficult) because you have to be 100% certain that you can be that child's parent. I had zero doubt with my child, your gut will guide you if you listen to it.

Good luck xx

[Kw1311]

So we have a profile and it’s better than my wildest dreams I could picture myself as their mum.. sending out prayers into the universe for a smooth matching process.

[EarnshawLintonHeathcliff]

Ah that's lovely news Kw1311! Everything crossed for you.

[JohnPA]

In our case it took 6 months from being approved, to our sons moving in with us. We were given access to linkmaker early on and did find our adopted sons ourselves. Our social worker was not that proactive and had a very specific idea of the type of child we should adopt - in her head it should be a single girl, but we always wanted to adopt siblings. We ended adopting our lovely sons and had to make the case to her that this was the right choice for us.

[sabzino]

@JohnPA I think I am coming across the same issue in regards to siblings. I am a single adopter yes, but so far every social worker (initial discussion and now allocated social worker) has tried to dissuade me from siblings. Allocated social worker even sent me literature about things to consider when adopting siblings which is things I have already voiced is something which I would want to ensure. But as I am in stage one, I think I will just be calm until I am allowed to actively search for my children (plural ha ha)

[EarnshawLintonHeathcliff]

@sabzino, don't want to alarm you as it is probably different in every single area, but if you're having issues like this I would try to discuss them with your SW now. I had similar issues and am single adopter too, I had real problems when trying to be considered for siblings because my approval was quite specific (i.e. one chlld aged xyz), it was incredibly difficult to get them to budge even to an open point of view around this. I had to put it writing to request it, it was quite laborious and made no difference anyway; same thing happened to a couple I know too. They were in the same local authority as me though so, as I say, may have just been the unspoken culture of how they do things where we are and I accept it may be very different where you are. Either way, very good luck to you.

[tldr]

@sabzino

At stage one, I’d listen and learn to be honest. Wait til you’ve done all your prep training, and read as much as you can about it. Adopted sibs are not like other sibs.

I adopted two and I was very close to being broken by it - that’s with a DH who is very involved, hands on and present. I cannot begin to imagine doing it solo.

They’re trying to dissuade you for a reason.