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Officially a parent

(13 Posts)
PaintedLadyWBB Thu 09-Jul-20 13:46:18

Just wondering when everyone felt they were officially a parent? Was it when first heard about your LO, matching panel and being approved, introductions, when you first met them, when they moved in or even when the AO was granted?

OP’s posts: |
Weekends Thu 09-Jul-20 14:29:00


I just spent ages replying about our stages of being a parent/loving/claiming - it got quite confusing untangling all that and ended up starting again! Lots of stages really between that first email from SW and how things feel now, a few years in.

But just on parental responsibility, the day I picked her up to come home, brought her home and tried to do bed time 😀

user1479136681 Thu 09-Jul-20 14:34:57

We've had our son placed with us for 3 months and I still don't officially feel like a parent a lot of the time! There have been moments, like at the supermarket when someone was talking to him (from a distance!) And said "are you helping your mummy?" And when I am cuddling him at night. I expect it'll feel really official when we have the AO (?!)

Ted27 Thu 09-Jul-20 14:43:11

I don't think there was a particular ' moment ' as such, more a gradual realisation.

I felt like a mum on day 4 of intros when he fell down a slide, smacked his head and wailed for an hour, but came to me for comfort.

Like an official parent when I started receiving letters from school, he was nearly 8 so that was within weeks

Weatherforducks Thu 09-Jul-20 16:21:48

The adoption order was the official moment for me I think, when the SW’s disappeared. But two years in and sometimes I still occasionally don’t feel like I should have all of this responsibility.

I was talking to my eldest (5) yesterday because he was being a bit bossy with my youngest. He said ‘how come you are allowed to be bossy then’, I said: ‘because I’m your mum’, he then pointed at me, tilted his head, winked and made a clicky noise’ heart fluttered a little as I thought yeah I am!

CharlieSays13 Thu 09-Jul-20 18:42:55

Probably the first time I had to strip a bed and clean up sick at 2 o'clock in the morning while simultaneously comforting my poorly youngest while trying not to wake my other 2.

Jellycatspyjamas Thu 09-Jul-20 22:44:44

I’m with @CharlieSays13 - and then the following day when I had the sick bug and had to care for my two little people while throwing up at 15 minute intervals I felt every inch the parent 🤢

Italiangreyhound Fri 10-Jul-20 02:00:58

For me, when he moved in.

veejayteekay Fri 10-Jul-20 15:44:01

My son's been home about 8 months now and the process of feeling like a "proper" parent was very gradual. A lot of it for me was entangled in how answerable I was to social workers and how much outside influence there was in our relationship from professionals as that created a bit of a false dynamic for me and being an anxious person always made me feel on edge and never fully relaxed into making my own decisions about his care and how we wanted to parent him. I think for the beginning few months I felt that I cared deeply for him which gradually turned to love but did feel more of a "carer" for a while. Truthfully I didn't feel like a parent as such through introductions etc and found the constant referral to me as his mummy slightly surreal if anything though of course lovely. With the gradual withdrawal of professionals I've felt more confident in my abilities as a parent and more.naturally like his mummy as we've settled into family life and the mundane day to day. I was however quite emotional on the day his adoption order was granted and it certainly felt like some closure and a new beginning all at the same time. I think from that stage I've felt much more like he is "mine"

Mama1980 Fri 10-Jul-20 19:55:57

With my eldest, (complicated SGO situation initially) it was in a meeting when the therapists tried to take her into another room so we could speak and discuss things. She clung to me, as in dug her nails in so hard she drew blood, clung to me. I realised than that I was a parent and she was looking to me to help her.
That was the moment when, for me, anything but being her mother was no longer an option.

Loopylas123 Sat 11-Jul-20 06:07:54

The first time during intros that we went out by ourselves and then I had to drop her back and I spent most of the evening crying and counting the hours to see her again

SimonJT Sat 11-Jul-20 22:07:46

I don’t know really I don’t think I can pin point it to one moment, but I did find it hard that I became his dad before he became my son if you know what I mean.

It took almost three years to get his AO, so for me it wasn’t significant in feeling like a parent purely because of how long it took.

gabsdot45 Sun 12-Jul-20 10:05:32

We adopted our son from Russia. It was a very long process involving 2 trips to Russia , mountains of paperwork etc. Eventually we had a court hearing and the adoption order was granted.
The next day we went to pick him up from the orphanage. It was a 4 hour drive from the city where we were staying. On the drive home we stopped for some food and I changed his nappy. He screamed the place down. There was no one to give him back to. It was up to me to calm him and comfort him. So I did. In that moment I properly became a mother.

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