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Adoption ——- stepdad

(23 Posts)
Apo1a Mon 10-Feb-20 15:29:50

I am british .
Dp is Irish. He lives in Ireland. I live in Uk .

I am waiting for his retirement . So that he will move to Uk to be with us.

I have a daughter age 6 .

The birth certificate is blank under “ father “” .
We won’t get married but will move in together in Uk after his retirement .

The only way to make him daddy is via what route ?

Thanks a lot

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eatanazurecrayon Mon 10-Feb-20 15:42:44

We looked into this. You can do adoption but you can also give parental rights through a parental order which is much easier, cheaper and quicker. Depends if bio dad is in picture too and doesn't object to adoption. Doesn't matter with parental order as much.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages Wed 12-Feb-20 08:30:49

Just to be clear - how long have you been in a relationship with this man, and have you lived with him before?

I'd question the wisdom of giving him legal parental status at this stage?

Apo1a Wed 12-Feb-20 09:19:08

Thanks so much !
I did not know this !
Parental order sounds much better !!!!! flowers

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Apo1a Wed 12-Feb-20 09:20:00

Yeah this is just a plan ..... I am still observing him ...
I knew him for 18 years.

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Apo1a Wed 12-Feb-20 09:25:14

This one ?
Is it only for surrogacy? And has to be within 6 months after birth .
Has to be genetically related ?
permanently in Uk

OP’s posts: |
eatanazurecrayon Wed 12-Feb-20 10:44:09


No. You're not in a Surrogacy situation.

Apo1a Wed 12-Feb-20 11:02:04


Brillant thanks so much flowers

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Ted27 Wed 12-Feb-20 17:14:13

This sounds very 'unconventional', not that there is anything wrong with that in itself, but does your daughter actually have a relationship with this man ? It's not a given that if you apply your partner will be able to adopt. There will be an assessment and the courts will act in the best interests of the child.

Apo1a Wed 12-Feb-20 17:24:35

@ ted 27
Lots single mums in Uk . Surely they maybe re marry at some point ? aka children have step dads ?

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Ted27 Wed 12-Feb-20 18:54:00

yes I know there are lots of single mums in the UK, I am one.
I was just pointing out that just because you decide that you want him to adopt your child, doesn't mean that the court will allow it. They will order what is best for the child. And one consideration will be the relationship between him and the child, which must be affected by living in two different countries.

Apo1a Wed 12-Feb-20 19:38:33

Yeah U r right
So annoying ..... with nationalities .
I should have only dated british passport holders to have easier life . grin

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foxystoatfoxypig Wed 12-Feb-20 20:14:10

Honestly there is no need to be rude OP. Ted is trying to help and advise you. You're not very forthcoming with info here and it sounds like a very abnormal situation. It isn't a sure bet that he will just be allowed to adopt this child he seemingly has very little in the way of a relationship with.
You will need to live together as a family for at least 6 months and you will have interviews individually with a social worker, who will make a report on your child, your partner and your relationship. Is that something you want to put a 6 year old child through? Because I've been in a very very similar situation (as the 6yr old child) and it was hideously unpleasant for me.

allthedamnvampires Wed 12-Feb-20 20:34:17

Why do you want him to be the dad?

By which I mean why do you want to give him rights and obligations over your child? He's marrying you not your child.

Adoption is and needs to be taken extremely seriously. More so than marriage imo.

Ted27 Wed 12-Feb-20 20:48:17

It doesnt seem that marriage is in the plan, I'm a bit puzzled why you would give a man who you aren't planning on having a legal relationship with, ie marriage, legal rights over your child.

@Apo1a I'm a single mum, I had a life before my son, quite an eventful one actually, I had several long distance relationships, including one where the man lived outside of the UK. You will never really know anyone until you live with them. It just seems very premature that you are thinking about how this man could have a legal relationship to your child when you have never lived with him and arent considering marriage. He can be a father figure without adopting her.

Apo1a Wed 12-Feb-20 20:53:24

Hi sorry I didn’t mean to be rude . I said the rules are annoying not you ted

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Ted27 Wed 12-Feb-20 20:55:43

which rules are annoying? the ones designed to protect children's interests ?

Apo1a Wed 12-Feb-20 20:57:33

Because I have no one in Uk . No family no partner no friends I trust enough one .
yet .
to be guardian of my daughter if I drop dead.

then my DC will be orphan .

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Apo1a Wed 12-Feb-20 20:58:15

The rules about different nationalities .

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AvocadosBeforeMortgages Thu 13-Feb-20 00:54:38

If you were to drop dead tomorrow, then social services would step in. They'd seek a stable long term home for your child, which could be through a long term fostering arrangement, adoption, tracking down the bio dad (if appropriate) or living with extended family in your home country. They'd choose between them on the basis of the best interests of your child. Your child would not be doing an impression of Oliver Twist.

Does this man actually want to sign up to raise your child if you dropped dead? It's a pretty big ask. Have you got any reason to think you might drop down dead in the foreseeable future?

Apo1a Thu 13-Feb-20 09:34:24

Actually I wonder what those under 16 international students do .
They surely have a boarding school plus a local guardian I guess .

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AvocadosBeforeMortgages Thu 13-Feb-20 11:18:31

If boarders don't have UK based family, the parents pay for a guardianship company - but they're there to host for half terms, exeat weekends and sickness. That's a totally different scenario to what you're suggesting.

Apo1a Thu 13-Feb-20 11:57:29

I see . Thank you

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