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Process: References

(14 Posts)
fastliving Wed 08-Jan-20 00:48:29

I've not started the process yet, but busy gathering information about the process (as well as reading up on attachment etc).
I would be a single adopter.
I am curious, I know as part of the process members of your family, friends, ex-partners, and now I learn, employers are contacted for references.
In particular I am curious about employers, as although I have worked for my small company a long time, I don't socialise with anyone there outside of work (I get on with everyone and enjoy chats at work etc, it's a very friendly place to work) but I still feel a-bit strange on my employer commenting on whether they think I will be a good parent (my work is nothing to do with children or health or care etc - nothing further from it).

Are employers interviewed face to face/telephone or just asked to provide a written reference or fill in a questionnaire?
Do SS ask about employers about my salary, career progression, how financially secure the company is, how they would handle request for part-time/flexi hours etc if I was to become an adoptive parent?

I guess all LAs and VAs vary their processes but it would be nice to hear your experiences.

OP’s posts: |
Weatherforducks Wed 08-Jan-20 08:04:53

As far as I remember my employers were just asked if I work there, for how long and if I was of good character (can’t remember the exact words). It was no where near as in-depth reference as family and friends. They were asked by post and then called to make sure they had filled it in. If you work with children the reference will be a little more in-depth. Some of my previous employers where I had worked with children were contacted as well and asked for a more in-depth reference. Salary and anything else they will ask you, or at least mine did (you may need to prove income).

favtimeofyear Wed 08-Jan-20 13:21:17

My OH's employer was just asked to confirm he worked there, in what role and for how long. Bit like a work reference when you get a new job.
I'm self-employed so they asked my accountant (who I'd only been with for 6 months) if he felt any reason why I shouldn't adopt!?
I wouldn't worry too much. They won't ask people face to face, and it will probably just go to HR or the company owner.

ApprovedF2A Wed 08-Jan-20 13:29:50

Same here. They asked our employers some basic questions about our employment, nothing much about us personally.
More a tick on their checklist to make sure that we worked where we said we did and for the time we had specified on our questionnaire.

excitedmuchly Wed 08-Jan-20 14:24:07

I have just completed a form for an employee adopting via the LA. It asked 3 questions. Does this person work for you. How long. What is their job title. And that was it!!!

JohnPA Wed 08-Jan-20 19:22:46

In terms of job references the only thing that was checked in our case was if we worked where we said we did. This was all done directly with HR rather than the people that work directly with us.

As for other references we had to suggest three references - which included a close family member and two different friends.

None of our ex-partners were contacted. Our understanding is that they will only want to contact your ex-partners if you are divorced or have a child with someone who you’re no longer with, rather than ex-boyfriends or girlfriends.

ApprovedF2A Wed 08-Jan-20 20:41:14

They did try and contact my ex whom I last saw 20+ years ago. Despite the fact that we broke up amicably, we didn't have a child together and had never lived together. Set us back two weeks because they had to speak to my friends who were familiar with the relationship and it had to be written up and signed off by our SW's manager.

EnergyCreatesReality Thu 09-Jan-20 10:40:35

I think it depends on which LA you are with.

I've been with my company for 8 years and get on well with my manager so he showed me what he had written before sending it. In addition to confirming I worked there, length of time etc. it also asked what qualities he thought I demonstrated at work which would be relevant to looking after children, my ability to work with my colleagues, how I deal with issues that arise, do I offer/accept support from others plus a few others I can't remember. I was surprised by how detailed it was to be honest.

EnergyCreatesReality Thu 09-Jan-20 10:45:59

I've also had to dig up contact details for people whose children I babysat for when I was 14 for references which took a bit of stalking on Facebook to contact them wink

Serenity45 Thu 09-Jan-20 15:04:26

I'd only been with my employer 6 months or so when we started the process so they did also contact my previous employer (10 years there). From what I remember it was pretty basic just confirming job role, time employed.

Surprised at pps needing to have exes spoken to sounds like I dodged a bullet there! I'd had 2 live in relationships of 3 and 7 years before meeting DH but these weren't delved into at all. I just assumed it was because we didn't have children but I can see that's not always the case shock

fastliving Thu 09-Jan-20 23:52:14

Energy that is crazy about contacting your babysitter 'clients' from when you were 14! grin
Thanks for all the replies, my work will be lovely about me I'm sure, but as they have only seen me with children when occasionally someone goes off on maternity and then bring the baby in for us all to have a cuddle, they wouldn't be great judges!
I can see the importance of getting the full picture of an adopter - and colleagues do spend a lot of time with you and could see good/bad qualities you might have like patience/kindness/aggression etc that would be relevant.
It's so amazing how different agencies seem to do things very differently, especially as they are Ofsteded so you think their would be more consistency.
My LA told me they would contact my ex (very long lived together relationship) which is fair enough - but they assured me they take it with a pinch of salt (I finished it, he wasn't happy about that!) and that it was only a small piece of the info gathering.
Did every one of your family members get interviewed too? Or do you just select the nicest to put forward?grin

OP’s posts: |
JohnPA Fri 10-Jan-20 06:04:54

In our case we selected our three references and they were interviewed by our social worker. We never got to see their feedback as this was kept confidential, but one of the things they all got asked was if they thought we would be able to abuse a child. So some of the questions are quite sensitive.

fastliving Fri 10-Jan-20 09:26:27

I think that's a fair enough question John I can see it's horrible to think they might think you could abuse a child, but it's obviously very fundamental and it's not personal.
Imagine if they didn't ask questions like that and then you were found guilty of later abusing an adoptee....It wouldn't look good for the agency.

OP’s posts: |
EnergyCreatesReality Fri 10-Jan-20 09:29:40

fastliving it was just 1 family member and 2 friends each for the other references and we both chose our Mums as we thought that made most sense and would probably be the nicest about us grin

They all had to complete a form, we've just started stage 2 so assuming they may be interviewed face to face but not sure yet.

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