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In what way is the adoption approval process intrusive?

(10 Posts)
Hotwaterbottlelove Sun 05-Jan-20 16:58:57

I recently started to research adoption to explore if it would be an option and I keep reading that the approval process is intrusive but can't actually find any concrete examples of how.

Would anyone be able to give me an idea of what they mean by this?

Short of, asking me what my favourite sex position is, I am struggling to think of what information might be required of me that would feel intrusive. This is making me worried that I'm missing something glaringly obvious.

OP’s posts: |
BFJAdopter Sun 05-Jan-20 17:17:07

We worried about this too. Now in stage 2 and "intrusive" sort of things we have experienced are:
Discussing previous partners and being open to them contacting them for references
Our childhoods- the good, the bad, the ugly...
Salaries and outgoings
Relationships with our parents now

They expect you to be very honest and will ask people that know you personal questions. We have been asked nothing about sex/sex positions though if that was something you was particularly concerned about 🤣

Hitchyhero Sun 05-Jan-20 17:47:05

I don't think it was that bad but it really depends on your history.

If you have a not so good history, like a horrible ex, a specific childhood issue, an illness or an incident you had with the police... Then it may be intrusive.

They also will want a breakdown of your incoming, outgoings... And have an explore of your house.

I didn't find any of this an issue.... Didn't find it that intrusive.

veejayteekay Sun 05-Jan-20 18:07:10

I think this depends on your idea of intrusive. Such a mix of ppl come into the adoption world that some will have personalities where they perceive social workers questions to be wildly intrusive or bizarre while others will not be phased and I guess it also depends on the extent of life experiences you have that are deemed relevant and the fact and sensitivity of your social worker on asking what they need to. Basically you should be aware that they will be asking you about your relationship in depth and you will at some stage most likely have a seperate interview from your partner where you will be expected to discuss each others strengths weaknesses and reflect on challenges you have faced. They will ask you questions about things like contraception and may delve in to your attitude to sex, sexuality and difference. They will ask you in-depth questions about things such as any faith or lack of you may have and implications for your child. They will challenge you on your thinking. They will discuss things like your views on accepting a child of another ethnicity for example. They will talk to you quite plainly about your financial situation although unless you are particularly prudish about these things there won't be anything to worry about altho they will ask about any bankruptcy CCJs or credit you have and repayment if applicable etc. Other than that expect s lot of reflection on your childhood and life milestones to date. If you have suffered any trauma which can sadly include things like domestic abuse, miscarriages, infertility, childhood abuse, be prepared to be asked to reflect on this in detail including being able to constructively critique your own upbringing and how this will affect your own parenting. I personally didn't feel that anythibg was unreasonable given the circumstances tho wording was a little clumsy at times. If you go in prepared for this you will be fine. Best of luck xxz

Thepinklady77 Sun 05-Jan-20 18:21:37

It is intrusive but as you move through the process you begin to understand the importance of all their questioning in helping them make an informed decision as to whether they can recommend you for adoption! SS are finding families for very vulnerable children and they need to ensure as best as they can that you will be able to meet the wide ranging needs of any children they would place with you. For example, they will explore your childhood and any issues or trauma’s you may have experienced in order to ensure you have dealt with it appropriately. Sometimes while supporting these vulnerable children our own previous experiences can re-surface and may impact our ability to parent.

I remember at one point saying to my DH that our SW knew everything about me, right down to how I learned about periods and sex Ed, and all I knew about her was she was called X and she drove a red car! It felt intrusive but I was also guided to understand why!

Hotwaterbottlelove Sun 05-Jan-20 18:38:35

Oh, thank you all. This is really useful information. I have considered some of these things but others hadn't crossed my mind. I have no idea how I learnt about periods!

I feel like I now have a much better idea of what to consider and think about myself beforehand. We have ordered two books that have been recommended so will read through thoes too.

I suppose I would consider all of this in-depth but not necessarily intrusive. As PP said, I suppose it all depends on your perspective.

OP’s posts: |
ifchocolatewerecelery Sun 05-Jan-20 20:35:15

Depends on what's happened in your life and how much it affected you. I found talking about my ex hard as it's bound up with the death of a family member and was a very emotional time.

jellycatspyjamas Sun 05-Jan-20 23:17:11

As others have said, it really depends on what comes up and your level of comfort. I’m a pretty private person and I’ve a significant history of trauma so did fine some of the discussions pretty exposing. At the end of the assessment our report was something like 80 odd pages long and went to everyone on the adoption panel which, in my local authority consisted of 16 people.

I’m a social worker, there’s the potential for me to come across any of those folk in my professional life (the chair of the panel worked with me when I was a student), so from my point of view the process was very exposing and did leave me feeling pretty vulnerable that all this information about me was being shared with people I wouldn’t necessarily have chosen to share with. You may be fine but I don’t know many people who didn’t feel the process as intrusive at some point.

Hotwaterbottlelove Mon 06-Jan-20 09:25:24

jellycats it sounds do silly but I hadn't considered how I'd feel about the wider network of people the information would be shared with. It's so obvious now but as I am in such early stages there are so many things floating round my brain so thank you for highlighting that.

I've not had a trauma free life and so I know some points will be challenging but understand that they need the details to be able to decide if/what kind of parent I might be.

OP’s posts: |
jellycatspyjamas Mon 06-Jan-20 12:46:41

It only hit me when I had a copy of the report for review and comment - but it’s worth thinking about in terms of how your social worker deals with the more tricky discussions that inevitably come up. You sound like you’ve got a good attitude towards the assessment which will stand you in good stead 😁

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