A little advice needed please.

[Lifesforloving1]

Hello everyone .
I’m new to this , me & my partner have been ttc for 3years . I’ve been diagnosed with pcos from what the scan says there is quite a lot of cysts. ( 40+ on each ovarie.
I’ve been referred to a fertility centre. But if it all gets to much. We are thinking about Maby adoption ? I don’t want my life to become stressful as it’s ment to be a happy time ect ... I also like the idea of giving a baby a loving home .
Can someone tell me how likely it is to be excepted ? My partner already has a 9 year old little girl & I work as a teacher .

[taketotheskye]

I would recommend a good read of the threads on this forum, everything you could possibly want to know and more is here. The only people who could advise you on whether you'd be accepted would be an adoption agency, either LA or VA (if you search, you'll find many threads on the relative merits of each). From your post, I recommend a lot of reading.

Regarding "I don’t want my life to become stressful", I'd advise against children, in that case, via whatever means- they're stressful!

[MarieG10]

A friend adopted. The process itself is stressful as hell. Multiple interviews and vetting so gear yourself up. It is a fabulous thing to do for a child, but just be aware, as I'm sure the prep will tell you that many come with issues, even babies who can have conditions such as foetal alcohol syndrome etc. Friend took several children over the years from the same mother. She kept getting pregnant and social services kept taking them at birth. Unfortunately they all ended up with massive problems and over twenty plus years it has been a nightmare. Social services are keen to help with separation anxiety counselling but no where to be seen over all the other issues. Absolutely useless I'm sorry to say it hasn't been a good experience and the reality is they were always damaged by the time they were born the poor things. It's when you see things like this when you start to sympathise with enforced sterilisation.

[poppet31]

If you don't want stress, I wouldn't recommend adopting! It has been the most stressful time of my life. I would read up on these forums and educate yourself before making an informed choice. Modern day adoption is so much more than just giving a baby a loving home. Good luck!

[BlackNails]

Read all you can about adoption. Decide whether you want to adopt in the UK or internationally. They each have their own pros and cons. You will still need to do a home study with social services if you want to adopt internationally. Just do lots of research. I'm waiting for my 3rd adopted child to come home and it's the best thing ever.

[jellycatspyjamas]

The adoption process is thorough, it needs to be and even the point of matching and placing children comes with very mixed feelings so please don’t think it’s an easy process.

In saying that, I didn’t find the assessment process stressful tbh I had a lot going on at the time so the SW meetings got lost in all the other stuff of life. The process can feel intrusive which if you’re a private person can be a challenge.

While it’s been difficult and stressful, it’s also been incredibly rewarding and I’m a mum, which is what I wanted and I couldn’t love my two more if I tried, they light up my life.

[Mama1980]

I second reading the threads on here, the give a good picture of adoption.
The process is stressful, invasive and incredibly thorough, it has to be. Adopted children have a wide range of issues, some of which are rarely seen in biological children and if you would be looking to adopt a baby then fta or concurrence are being offered more and more often which bring their own set of stresses and challenges.
I would advise going to your local LA open evening, start talking, getting other views etc.

[Italiangreyhound]

I honestly think how stressful you find the process of getting approved is really down to the individual. I did not find it stressful. I love talking, I am happy to talk about myself, I don't easily feel judged (even when they pointed out unsafe things in the house we had successfully raised our birth daughter to age 9 in! My hubby found that stressful). However, I think I am unusual in that aspect!

I think almost everyone I have heard on here has said that matching was stressful, and it was, for me, the hardest bit.

Our birth child is on the autistic spectrum and I must say she has been very diffiuclt over the years.

So I honestly think that parenting any child can be quite hard work and stressful. With adopted children you do not always know what issues may surface, what the issues may be etc.. So lots of uncertainty.

I think you probably will need to decide how long you want to invest, time and energy, in the fertility process and when that comes to an end then you may decide to go onto adoption if you have not had a baby or had as many as you want. However, my experience of both (fertility treatment and the adoption process) is that neither is simple or hassle free. You will need to evaluate as you go along.

Good luck.

[veejayteekay]

I'm with jellycats and Italian greyhound in that the process itself doesn't have to be inherently stressful. I also agree with them that it depends on your openness about things such as discussing personal matters, self reflection ability, and how the process fares against the other issues you may have going on in life at the same time which as others have said may mean it doesn't rank as the most stressful thing going on for you. I won't repeat the same points about how thorough the process is etc (if not stressful then it is certainly intense at times) but as others will no doubt tell you a lot of the stress factor can be attributed to the quality of relationships you build with your social workers and agency which will be paramount to your success.

Definitely second what ppl have said about reading the adoption threads. Be aware that there is a tendency for 2 extremes on adoption forums. Either quite a rosy idealised version of it which can be a little naiive at times (really do think about what ppl have told you about babies not being synonymous with no issues) and one whereby ppl will have you believe adoption is a world of doom and gloom where their entire life is dictated by it and they have experienced Bo end of catastrophic problems. Bear in mind perspective. Ppl tend to be more likely to post with extremes for either support (or sumx because they've had a really good day and in this process a little humble brag is allowed!) So do take it all with a slight pinch of salt and remember that nobody online has enough context about your life or life experiences to tell you whether you are suitable to adopt. We all give each other sound bites so discussions are often based on snippets of context our of a while life which we try to condense down.

My advice fwiw would be research, research research. I took around a year before we seriously applied to really make sure we understood the process and our options. All the very best of luck to you