Friends adopting: is it appropriate for me to send gifts?

[Parsimon]

Hello. Apologies if this seems clumsy or a daft question, but some friends who live on the other side of the country but who we know well and see face-to-face maybe once a year are about to become parents, through adoption of a toddler and an older child.

I am absolutely delighted for them, and of course I’ll send a card. Is it appropriate to send toys or books too, or is this the last thing they’ll need? I know that the early days, weeks and months of adoption can be as much as or more challenging than dealing with a newborn, so I want to make sure they know we care about them too and not just their children.

Can you suggest any gifts that’ll be useful to them. How best can we let them know that we care and we’re happy for them as a family?

[ifchocolatewerecelery]

What is available in there area to do? Buying a year's membership to somewhere they could take the children on a regular basis- outdoors with lots of space would be appreciated if you can afford it and they haven't already done it. One of my best purchases has been an annual parking pass for the local country parks. Some days we've literally popped in for half an hour or so which I would've been reluctant to do if I'd had to pay the £1 parking each time.

[Ted27]

I'd stay away from toys as you won't what they already have - You can never have too many books though ! There will be lots of lovely special editions of classics in the shops for Christmas.
Its very nice of you to think about them, lots of people don't acknowledge the arrival of adopted children in the same way they would a new baby so I'm sure they would appreciate anything you send

[tldr]

It’s totally appropriate to send a gift and they’ll likely get less than other new parents do so will be more special.

Personally, I’d recommend not sending something for the children just at the moment - they’ll likely arrive with stuff from foster care and new parents will want to give them things too so they may well be drowning in things. Same goes for clothes.

I liked flowers personally, and things for the kids in the future (books mostly).

Or get in touch now and ask what they’d like. We got a ton of mothercare vouchers weeks after we’d spent a fortune buying car seats, cots etc. It would have been great if those had arrived earlier!

And there are loads of cards that say things like ‘new family’ or ‘now you are 4’ so don’t feel you need to find a special ‘adoption’ card.

[Rainatnight]

Yes, definitely appropriate.

The suggestion above is great.

Not along the same lines, but how about sending flowers? Lots of people do that for new mums in the ‘normal’ way, and very few people think of it for adopters.

[DashOfMagic]

Lovely idea to send a card and gifts. I agree with others about avoiding toys for the kids as they come with their own things, but either special keepsakes or ask what is needed. Our little one came with loads of toys but hardly any clothes, nothing for the changing weather so if someone had asked that’s what we would have requested. On the other hand we have liked choosing clothes. We have taken a big hit in income so vouchers or practical things would be good. I would have loved flowers or something for us.

[jellycatspyjamas]

I got flowers and “family” photo frames, which were lovely. For the kids a friend bought them name plaques for their bedroom doors, wooden letters spelling their names, basically stuff with their names on it which did help to “place” them in our house.

Another thing that might be valued is a “just cook” or some such meal service - it’s hard to even think about your own nutrition in the early days so quick, measured ingredients for meals or indeed good quality ready meals can be massively helpful.