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(68 Posts)
Freddy3006 Mon 07-Oct-19 21:42:47

My auntie has legal guardianship of my son she has done since May this year i went through a really rough time and didn't cooperate with social witch I now regret I have another child oon the way but the father on this child has been convicted of murder but he didn't do it is there any chance social will take this child away or will they let me keep it. I'm in alot better place than I was then and think I'm in the right space of mind to cooporate this time please any advise would be great

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Ted27 Mon 07-Oct-19 23:33:22

Im sorry you are in this situation. All you can do is co-operate fully with social services.
I don't think you should try and defend the father of this child. He has been convicted of a serious crime and I think you should accept that. you don't say if you regard him as being your boyfriend or partner - if you do I really think you need to distance yourself from him. SWs will want to see that you are prioritising bringing this child into a safe environment

Freddy3006 Tue 08-Oct-19 12:23:43

Yes we are ty gether as partners and want to bring the child up together the environment will be safe as he didn't do it he was wrongly sentenced we are trying our hardest to prove this and work with social is there any advice anyone has

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savethebeestoday Tue 08-Oct-19 12:27:36

I think as Ted has said, SS will want to know you will prioritise your child over anything and anyone else.
If your partner has been convicted and you're defending him and saying he didn't do it, they may not think you are doing this.
If he has been convicted you won't be able to bring the baby up together, so you need to think about that and if you are okay to bring the baby up alone.

Ted27 Tue 08-Oct-19 15:14:00

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh and blunt but the first thing you have to do is face up to the reality of the situation. You won't be bringing this child up together because he is in prison.
No one here can second guess what social services will say about whether or not you can keep this child. If your aunt has been given guardianship as recently as May, you will have a great deal to prove to social services about your capacity to care for this child. The only way to do that is to cooperate fully - I don't see what any other advice there is to offer you.

Babyonway12 Tue 08-Oct-19 15:39:56

He is out of prison has been for two years surely there's a way to prove he's not that monster they think he is

flapjackfairy Tue 08-Oct-19 15:46:51

There is no way you will be allowed to keep your baby if you are remaining in a relationship with a convicted murderer and defending him. You would ( at the v least ) have to prove that you are having nothing more to do with your partner and that you will jump through every hoop placed in front of you to provide a safe stable home for this child. And as your other child was removed v recently it is going to be hard to do that before your next baby is born. So it won't be easy but your only option is to do everything asked of you by social services as others have said.
I realise that sounds v blunt and harsh but sadly that is the reality of the situation in which you find yourself.

savethebeestoday Tue 08-Oct-19 15:51:25

He's been out of prison for 2 years? What sentence did he get for murder?

PixieDustt Tue 08-Oct-19 15:53:31

I don't think SS will let you bring up the child together IMHO.
They might make you choose between baby or partner.
Could be wrong though but not unheard of

StockTakeFucks Tue 08-Oct-19 15:57:25

You need to have your meeting first. See what they expect and then do it. If one of the conditions is to end your relationship,you must be prepared to do this.

They will work with you if you're willing to work with them ,but what they need to see is that you're willing to put your kids first, not your boyfriend,not his sentencing,not his criminal record,not your live for him,not his wishes etc.

Babyonway12 Tue 08-Oct-19 16:35:42

Thank you all he had 10 years he's been out for 2 if I have 2 leave him I will but we really want 2 do this together and work with ss

sassygromit Tue 08-Oct-19 17:06:21

How long have you known him for, OP?

darkriver19886 Tue 08-Oct-19 17:14:05

@Babyonway12 it's not if I have to. It shouldn't be a second thought really.

I am sorry if this is harsh but as a birth parent i would be doing everything I could to be desperately leap if they said jump to keep a child. Surely the devastation of losing one should be a reminder of the that pain.

No one could second guess social services plans but five months isn't a large amount time. Drastic and dramatic changes would have to be seen.

jellycatspyjamas Tue 08-Oct-19 21:00:47

Thank you all he had 10 years he's been out for 2 if I have 2 leave him I will but we really want 2 do this together and work with ss

I’m assuming he’s out on license, so much will depend on the terms of his license and circumstances surrounding his offence in terms of whether he could live in a house with children.

In all honesty it’s probably more pertinent that as recently as May you had another child removed because that speaks directly to your recent capacity to parent a child and to put them first. You don’t say how far along you are but I’m guessing your new pregnancy isn’t unrelated to you having lost another child as recently as May.

I would want to see concrete evidence of you having made changes in your life that would enable you to parent safely. Were you and your partner together when your child was removed? If so, how much did his presence influence the decision to remove your child. If he wasn’t, on the face of it you’re looking at someone falling pregnant to a convicted murderer within months of her child being removed - which doesn’t suggest someone who is making considered choices about their future. Arguing a wrongful conviction really won’t help your cause here tbh, I’d let whatever legal processes take their course but in the meantime look for ways to take the same precautions you would if you believed him to be a murderer.

You said you weren’t in a place to work with social workers then, but 5 months later you are - you really need to think about what has actually changed in this time to make cooperative working a possibility. I think you may have an uphill struggle here - have an honest think about some of the questions I’ve asked because that’s pretty much where social work will be coming from on this one.

Freddy3006 Tue 08-Oct-19 21:23:36

Hi thank you for your reply he wasn't on the scene when my son was removed and I understand where your coming from but I have totally changed now and my life is on the right track I just want the chance to b the mum I should of been with my son I'm also planning on going back to court to fight for my son back

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darkriver19886 Tue 08-Oct-19 21:44:14

It's very difficult to reverse an order once it's made. 5 months is nowhere near enough to show sustained changes. My daughter's were adopted 2 years ago and I am no where near showing sustained change as I am still struggling with my mental health BUT I am in therapy getting help.

It's clear that your not thinking clearly. I know support for bps are limited but it might be a good idea to contact PAC-UK.
They have a first family helpline.

darkriver19886 Tue 08-Oct-19 21:49:33

I realise that my posts sound very blunt and unsympathetic. It's not my intention it's just being honest that SS usually take a dim view on stuff like this.

jellycatspyjamas Tue 08-Oct-19 22:22:29

I have totally changed now and my life is on the right track
I think you’ll find it difficult to persuade professionals that your life is on the right track after such a short period of time. They will, rightly, be looking for evidence of sustained change - over a long period of time rather than a few months. I’m not saying that you haven’t made changes but your in the very early days yet. You may be given support to parent your new baby, it’s very difficult to remove children from birth parents as a rule, but the things that were challenging with your first child will still be a challenge with this new baby. I’d expect social work to explore how you’ve understood the removal of your child and what you’ve done to process and accept that loss. By all accounts this will have been a tough year for you - taking time to really reflect on it all and what it’s given you will stand you in good stead.

I hear how much you want to do it differently this time and I hope you get there.

OurChristmasMiracle Tue 08-Oct-19 22:57:59

Professionals are going to question that if “partner” wasn’t in the picture 5 months ago how strong is this new relationship? Is it an appropriate relationship- you are pregnant 5 months in to a new relationship with someone whose not that long out of prison for a violent crime that you are convinced he didn’t do- on what evidence? They will be looking at your ability to make good decisions- it sounds like your in a relationship very quickly after your son being placed with your aunt and then you’ve got pregnant.

What’s the contact arrangements for your son? Do you see him? How have you changed your life? What evidence do you have of this? Have you undertaken counselling? Engaged with professionals- because as you didn’t last time they will be concerned you won’t again.

All of these are questions they will be asking.
I won’t say it’s impossible for you to keep this unborn baby but as a birth parent I know 5 months was not enough time for me to change my life ENOUGH and have sustained it after my son was placed, in fact a year on although I’d made MASSIVE changes I knew I still had so much more I needed to do.

Babyonway12 Tue 08-Oct-19 23:07:34

I have made alot of changes got my mental health under control, going to councilING found the right partner who treats me well yes I understand his convictions are serious but I do believe he didn't do it we are so happy I'm having a baby and I want the chance to prove myself but just looking for ways of doing it incase I've missed anything I see my son one a month for a hour and half.

Babyonway12 Tue 08-Oct-19 23:09:29

I am thinking very clearly and will get my son back and keep the child I'm currently pregnant with I will prove to everyone I can do this

ifchocolatewerecelery Wed 09-Oct-19 10:14:19

SGOs are meant to be considered permanent and although, unlike an adoption order, they can be revoked, it is incredibly difficult to do so. The one thing that seems to make a difference is whether or not the person granted the SGO supports the application. The ground for overturning an SGO are similar to those applied to a placement order (this allows a child to be freed for adoption without the consent of the birth parents). From my understanding, no judge will revoke a placement order until at least a year has passed. Your SGO was granted less than 6 months ago so a challenge is not going to succeed now. It is not just about making changes, it is also about proving that those changes are sustainable in the long term.

My advice is to seek legal advice from a solicitor experienced in this area. You might be entitled to free legal representation because of your unborn child if social services are involved.

It's hard but I would concentrate on your unborn and proving that you're capable of being his/her parent. You know you're other child is safe and cared for and you still have some parental responsibility for him legally. It is only when your unborn child's future is settled that I would say to look again at the SGO.

savethebeestoday Wed 09-Oct-19 11:48:50

So have you only been with your partner for the past 5 months?

Babyonway12 Wed 09-Oct-19 11:50:20

Hi thank you for your reply I understand that I have to wait a year and have all entention of this I was going to take it back to court after a year I am concentrating on this baby for now just looking for advice anyone can give me as obviously I have a long fight ahead of me with my bf being convicted of murder and me having child on sgo

Freddy3006 Wed 09-Oct-19 13:09:46

Hi yes been with him 5 months

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