DD1, 20, has quit her job which she has only been in for 3 months because of difficulties 1 day a week which meant her workload was extra heavy. She hasn't anything else lined up. (Prior to this she was off work for 7 months with back problems and before that doing an apprenticeship which she couldn't complete).
The job wasn't perfect, but she has a restricted skills set (dyspraxia, black and white thinking, limited initiative, poor organisation, poor team working skills, and some health issues) and it fitted really well and was relatively well paid (above min wage for 25yos).
She had been planning/promising to be moving in with her boyfriend and even went to see somewhere about a month ago. We were happy with this and had agreed in theory to act as rent guarantors for them.(Though as it transpires despite her telling us he had recently been given a FT job it has just come out that was a fabrication and it is still part time zero hours (2 years after leaving college)).
Up to now we haven't charged rent (preferring her to save, which she was doing), and I have put up with her not informing me when she will be in/out for meals etc etc as we haven't wanted to rock the boat, and want to keep some influence. She has no sensible friends (and no friends independent of BF as she dropped everything and everyone to spend all time with him.)
I'm posting here because elsewhere the advice will be chuck her out, or charge rent, make her move in with BF family. But because we adopted her age 8 and I feel some/lots of this is due to her background and me failing her emotionally I don't want her ever to be able to turn round and say we gave up on her.
However DD2, 15, is impacted by her swanning in and out and showing no consideration to the rest of us. And I feel like a mug who is totally being taken for granted. We have had 4 years of some crisis or other ~ every 3 months, most of which she has self induced. I can't talk to her as my stress levels go through the roof, so DH has to do it.
I have no idea what I really want from this post, apart from some understanding that because she is adopted it seems harder to just say 'you've made your bed now lie on it'. She has the opportunity with help to make herself a good life, but all the aspirations she had at 14/15 have gone as she has sunk to BF level, and she self sabotages whenever anything is going at all smoothly.
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At end of my tether with DD1 (sorry, long)
24 replies
UnderTheNameOfSanders · 04/09/2019 16:35
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