My husband and I have decided that enough is enough with trying to have a biological child. We have had two miscarriages, and it has been utterly heartbreaking. We have decided that we just don't want to put ourselves through it again, for our own wellbeing, and we are adamant about our decision.
My husband is looking into a vasectomy, but GP has already advised that because he is young (29), he is unlikely to get one on the NHS. If that is the case, then until he can have one, we will use a combination of birth control and total abstinence during my fertile window to ensure that there are no "accidents".
We want to start the adoption process. Adoption was always on the cards for us anyway, because my younger sister was adopted from China, and all of our family friends growing up were adopters. It is very 'natural' to me in that way.
Questions...
- Which Local Authority should I contact? I understand it is best not to use your own LA... but how far afield should we go? I don't care where our baby is from, and travel is no issue, but how to choose which LA?
- We will suggest that we are suitable for under 2s. I realise this makes a match more difficult, but we are prepared to wait. Are there any LAs which have more children? Larger counties, for example?
- We don't care about our child's race. Obviously, I grew up in a mixed race family and look nothing like my sister. But as a white couple, will we be further restricted to white infants only?
- My family history is troubled (despite my mother being approved by social services to adopt my little sister!!!). I have never known my biological father, so he isn't an issue, but I am now zero-contact with my mother due to her alcohol issues during my childhood, and generally being a liar and pretty toxic. I expect SW would frown upon that. I have been no-contact with my mother for a couple of years and she will not have any contact with any child of ours - my husband also feels strongly about this. Would SW want to speak with my mother anyway? I really, really don't want to have any contact with her. And I dread to think what she would say to a SW. If you think they will speak with her, how long would I have to have been no contact with her for, before they wouldn't? (I am prepared to wait longer to avoid this possibility).
- Our last miscarriage was in July. I have had counselling, done my grieving, and am excited about our decision to adopt. Will an LA want more time to have passed before they will even start the process?
- We have just moved into a gorgeous new house, and I am planning on revamping the whole thing. It's lovely as it is, but I love a project! Will SW frown upon us if we are having work done, i.e. does it need to be "finished" (ha! I'll never be finished!) before they will consider us? No walls being knocked down or extensions, but we're having new kitchen etc...
Any guidance would be so appreciated. I feel like my family history could be a problem...
Would be very grateful for any help and pointing in the right direction.!
x