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Strange question

(16 Posts)
darkriver19886 Wed 17-Jul-19 22:49:04

So weird question.
I am in the process of writing my novel and starting to think about dedications and acknowledgements. I want to dedicate my book to the girls. I don't plan to use their full names. The girl's adopters know that I am writing a novel and I plan to send a copy when its complete (they said this was fine when I met them as it will explain my mental health better than any report could.)

Would you as an adopter be upset about this? I just don't want to upset the adopters or the girls for that matter.

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Ted27 Thu 18-Jul-19 02:16:06

No it wouldnt upset me. I think its your right to dedicate your work to whoever you like. But I've always been very willing to give my son a place for his birth parents in his life.
You would have to trust me to give it to them when I thought the time was right, when I thought they could handle it.
You should also be prepared for them not wanting to read it, at least not until they have reached adulthood.

darkriver19886 Thu 18-Jul-19 06:48:26

Of course. I wouldn't want them to read it until they were adults even if I was parenting them.

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darkriver19886 Thu 18-Jul-19 06:55:34

Also, I accept they might never want to read it ever and that's okay.

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tldr Thu 18-Jul-19 18:20:38

As long as they weren’t named.

jellycatspyjamas Fri 19-Jul-19 09:19:19

I would be totally fine with it, I’d be happy for you to use just their first names because that wouldn’t in my case identify them.

darkriver19886 Fri 19-Jul-19 10:03:05

Both of the girls have really popular names.

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PianoPiano Fri 19-Jul-19 15:56:11

Their names might be popular, but it will still make them indentifiable because of the circumstances.

darkriver19886 Fri 19-Jul-19 18:14:03

Your correct. I will just dedicate it to them with initials. It feels wrong not to dedicate it to them.

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CharlieSays13 Fri 19-Jul-19 20:19:19

I read your post this morning river but I wanted to give it some thought before I answered. I think if I was completely honest with myself I would be upset to receive anything dedicated to my LOs from their birth mum, I think it would hit me quite hard.

However, having read many of your posts and having some understanding of your story I can see why you would want to do this and certainly it is your right to dedicate it to anyone you choose.

My LOs birth mum did many things to hurt my children and she put them at terrible risk repeatedly. I would find her dedicating anything to them gauling to say the least.

But I know your story is very different, that you made brave decisions to put your girls first. If their parents understand this then perhaps they would welcome the dedication.

Whatever decision you make I know you will give it a lot of thought. All the best with the writing.

darkriver19886 Fri 19-Jul-19 20:44:03

I can see why it would be a sensitive issue for some. I hope I didn't upset anyone..

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PianoPiano Fri 19-Jul-19 21:34:32

I can't imagine that you have darkrivers. I hope writing your book goes well.

donquixotedelamancha Fri 19-Jul-19 23:17:10

I think if I was completely honest with myself I would be upset to receive anything dedicated to my LOs from their birth mum, I think it would hit me quite hard.

My kids too have been permanently harmed by their BM. It's hard not to sometimes feel angry, no matter how we might understand intellectually. I would feel this way too but (as you indicate, Charlie) context is king.

That's not your situation at all, Dark. They know you are supportive of the adoption. They are likely to know other adopters and be aware they lucked out in the birth family stakes. From what you describe I can't see an issue, although I think you should include a letter to your child's parents, reassuring them (indirectly) that you have no desire to 'claim' their child.

Italiangreyhound Sun 21-Jul-19 01:48:40

I would not be upset. Good luck. thanks

Barbadosgirl Tue 23-Jul-19 23:59:08

I would not be upset and they are your children too. I would just want (for them) it not to be too identifying so initials or something might work well?

darkriver19886 Wed 24-Jul-19 06:45:30

That's what I was thinking. It will be simple and will be sensitive.

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