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Alternative Adoption avenues - are there any?

(10 Posts)
weirdbird Tue 24-Jul-07 11:07:41

My local Council's policy is that your bio youngest has to be at least 5 before they will even start the process, I don't want such a big age gap as it will mean they will be left out of playing with the other children, will restrict what we can do as a family, there are a miriad of reasons I think its a bad idea. Essentially they would be a single child except for during school holidays. Also as a family we can't afford for me to be at home for another 4/5 years once my youngest is at school.

Is there any way around this, or is that it?

hifi Tue 24-Jul-07 11:13:11

we are with coram family in london, their policy is 3 yrs, might be worth trying another agency or local authority.

KristinaM Tue 24-Jul-07 23:18:07

i agree, try another agency. but i think that mots will insist on at least a 2 year gap

KristinaM Tue 24-Jul-07 23:20:23

what ages are your bio kids?

HonoriaGlossop Tue 24-Jul-07 23:35:48

Yes, as hifi and kristina said other agencies may well have other ideas.

However the age gaps are there I would think to acknowledge the needs of the child coming into the family, and the amount of attention and input they need; when you have very demanding young children at home this may actually make settling in an adopted child very, very hard. I wouldn't try to think if the spacing of children in the same way you would if this were another biological child.

Unless of course you're Angelina Jolie, in which case you can adopt one a year and still make two films at the same time

Anyway, I digress

To be in the care system in this country the children are by definition damaged. Therefore in fact being a 'single child except for holidays' would probably be a very good thing in terms of the child settling in. Also I feel you might be being a bit negative there; unless your kids are at boarding school, the school day is short and they'll be home from 3 pm daily and all day at weekends.

Don't forget that if you take on a child with acknowledged special needs, which many in the care system have, you can get paid an adoption allowance which may help financially.

It's a lovely thing you're thinking of doing. Good luck.

magicfarawaytree Sun 02-Sep-07 01:35:13

Thats spooky wb i just logged on to post the exact same question. I just met the same issue with my local authority. I had an email to say not likely until my youngest is 4 - she is just about to turn 3 and even then a two year age gap. we have a close age gap between our children and felt that the right child would benefit from being part of our close family dymanic. rather that a couple of years apart from the others. Am currently investigating the other other adoption agencies. I will be watching this thread to see what information you can dig up.

Kewcumber Sun 02-Sep-07 12:58:13

You are also assuming that there will be a 5 yr age gap which is unlikely there are babies adopted in the UK but it's more likely that you will be asked to accept a child within a certain range eg under 3 so you could easily adopt a chils of say 2 when your existing child is 5. Not such a big age gap.

I don't know a single agency that wouldn't expect at least a 2 yr age gap as Kristina says.

KristinaM Sun 02-Sep-07 21:27:40

i agree with HG - any child will need lots of attention, which you cant possibly give with other young children at home. no really you cant. i have two under school age at the moment and I hardly have time to brush my teeth grin. And they are my bio kids & they have no special needs.

WB - are your family finances dependent on you going back to work full time a few years after you adopt? if so, i think its a very risky strategy. not many newly adopted children would do well on this. especialyy as you will be adopting a toddler or young child or a baby with SN.

Kewcumber Sun 02-Sep-07 21:30:02

I would advise that you don't tell social worker that you have to go back to work for financial reasons. At least not in so many words - they will generally expect you to be flexible about when you return to work if the child turns out to have a more difficult transition than you expect.

KristinaM Sun 02-Sep-07 21:38:59

forgot to explain that last comment - as you both have two or more bio kids, i suspect that you will not be eligible to adopt a "baby" - that is a child under 2. So you will be adopting a child aged 3 plus or perhaps a younger child with SN

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