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Counselling session before getting details about birth mother

(13 Posts)
OpeningACanOfWorms Wed 18-Jul-07 18:15:34

I have been on a previous thread about getting my birth details and hopefully some medical history.
The adoption agency have located my file but say I need a counselling session before they will tell me anything. What does this involve?
Also, they are based in London and have given me the option of going down there or getting it done locally with Social Services. Will it make any difference to what I'm told?

Whooosh Wed 18-Jul-07 18:18:12

My dp had to do this as she was adopted pre 1970 something.
It was relatively straighforward and all they told her at that meeting was that she could get a copy of her original birth certificate which would be sent to her.
Saldy,they had no other information.

My opinion was that is is just really a box ticking exercise....

Good luck..

heifer Wed 18-Jul-07 18:27:07

OpeningAcanofWorms - what have you done so far, how did you know which adoption agency etc to use?

I am thinking about getting some info - although have no plans to try to meet birth family etc, but guess I would like to know any info available...

OpeningACanOfWorms Wed 18-Jul-07 18:35:00

heifer - I too don't want to make contact but I need some gaps filling. Particularly medical history because of some current medical problems. I knew which adoption society because my adoptive parents had a file on me which I found when I was younger with the agency details. It became my parent's 'favourite charity' and they even requested donations in lieu of flowers to the agency when they died.

OpeningACanOfWorms Wed 18-Jul-07 18:42:57

heifer - sorry didn't answer your question fully. I emailed the agency and they told me to put my request in writing with as much information as possible. I was in a very fortunate position because I found a reference to my birth name in the infamous file. I get the feeling the Social Worker shouldn't have left the details but my adoptive parents were of a quite high status (that sounds awful - I hope you know what I mean) and perhaps she was 'trying to please them'. - well I know what I mean!

heifer Wed 18-Jul-07 20:51:29

I do know what you mean OACOW, so don't worry.

I have no idea what agency, all I have is a piece of paper with a few details on, ie my birth name, and my birth mothers description and hobies etc..

So i guess I would have to write to all the agencies? does anyone know of a good way to find out what agency etc?

OpeningACanOfWorms Wed 18-Jul-07 22:17:55

A starting point could be to consider if your adoptive parents may have adopted from a particular religion. Mine were C of E (I became a vicar's daughter!) so they went to the Church of England Children's Society. Obviously also had various Catholic agencies.

silkcushion Wed 18-Jul-07 22:23:26

not sure if I could add anything to this.

I'm not adopted but found out 4 years ago that I had a brother who had been adopted.

He's in his forties, my siblings and I are in our thirties. It has worked really well. He and his family are really part of our family now.

I know this doesn't happen everytime but I thought it was encouraging fo anyone considering finding birth families.

Good luck with whatever you do.

OpeningACanOfWorms Wed 18-Jul-07 22:23:48

If you know your birth name I think you can apply for your birth certificate. This would mean you wouldn't need the agency details. However, having the birth certificate wouldn't actually give you much background information. I guess if it states where you were born that could narrow your search of agencies. I think you need counselling to get your birth certificate though, depending how old you are.
It all feels so difficult - like entering a room where the door has always been locked. You've always known it was there but never dared to sneak a peep in. Hence my name change from my regular more flippant name.

pipsqueak Wed 18-Jul-07 22:33:05

opening a can etc . i had this when i applied for my birth records about 8yrs ago . i opted to use local social services office and all it entailed was a really nice social worker having a bit of a chat with me before hand . she asked if there was anything that would freak me out if i discovered it in birth records , how i would feel if there was negative info about i was adopted etc. twas all terribly low key and took no more than an hour . it was nice actually to have someone who has heard it all before iykwim to talk to about the issues. good luck with your search

OpeningACanOfWorms Wed 18-Jul-07 22:36:59

pipsqueak - thank you so much. Low key is what I wanted to hear! Hope the information you received filled the gaps for you.

TheDuchessOfFawkesBride Wed 18-Jul-07 23:01:30

I contacted my local Council. I had a 'counselling' session where we just chatted about what my expectations were and they explained the legal bits. It lasted about 10 minutes - as I had no expectations, I did not wish to meet any members of my birth family and already knew some details of my birth which my adopted parents had told me - so I was a straight-forward case.

I was given several Social Services/Adoption Agency reports. It gave me details of my parents & siblings, my birth mothers entire family background and even included physical descriptions of the family members, there were notes from the hospital where I was born and what my birth mother felt about the whole situation. It was all rather sad. They photocopied the lot and gave me the originals to keep.

If there is any written information for you, go read it somewhere private.

Good luck with it.

TheDuchessOfFawkesBride Wed 18-Jul-07 23:06:24

'Tis how I know I was 8lb 6oz breech baby delivered without intervention. Eeek! The notes mention a large pressure mark on my derriere!

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