Adoption with Dogs

[LookWithYourHeart]

I’d love to read about anyone who has applied to adopt or successfully adopted with pets, especially dogs?

My husband and I are planning to start an application to adopt siblings at the end of this year. We will then be in a position where I could afford to give up work if necessary to stay home if needed.

Knowing we would not be starting the process until Winter 2019, we got a Labrador puppy last year at the end of the summer who is now 6 months old. We already have a Yorkshire terrier who is 10 and adored by all our friends’ children. By the time we have our first SW visit, the puppy will be around 18 months old which we hope means will reflect her adult personality for assessment.

My concern is that I have read some other threads online where people have been rejected based on dog assessment and also have been forced to have to agree to rehome their dogs to progress their application. This is not something we would personally be able to do but I’d like to know how many have experienced that?

Our dogs this Christmas were around a baby, toddlers, 6-11 year olds who love playing with them but the dogs do just require a 10 minute introduction calming session where we ask the the kids to just sit with them as new people get them very excited. The puppy is a little challenging at first as she’s got so big now but still leaps etc but she is improving, albeit slowly. After that 10 minute calm session, the kids were able to play with the dogs all night and ended up tiring the dogs out to the point they didn’t even wake up when the door knocked later that evening.

I grew up with animals as did most of my friends and they enriched my life, heart & soul. Compassion with animals is such a gift to encourage children to have and I feel that it’s a positive thing to have pets in the home.

Obviously if a child/children had any negative history/experience with animals they wouldn’t be matched to us so I’m optimistic that there will be some positive stories of successful adoptions where children were matched to families with dogs.

I’d love to hear your experiences, even if negative, understanding the reasons and what exactly was identified as the potential issue?

Thanks in advance.

[Autumnbloom]

Hi, I have adopted siblings with a dog and two cats. It was never raised as an issue. But at approval panel, we were asked what we would do if there were issues/allergies. They wanted to know that we would be willing to rehome if required. I know this is a difficult scenario to imagine at the moment, because you love your dogs and the children are still hypothetical.

I have a gorgeous dog who the kids love...but she is the noisiest on the planet.

Dogs can be very therapeutic for children, so if there are no obvious behavioural issues with your dogs, I don’t think SWs should be asking you to rehome before approval. If they do, maybe explore other agencies.

You do need to think of different scenarios though, all dogs do have their limits. Can you separate the children and dogs, has the dog got somewhere safe to go. If your dog is greedy, can you separate during mealtimes...if dogs can steal food from children, you have a potentially dangerous situation. With this in mind, before we adopted, we never fed our dog titbits or from our plate.

I think you also have to remember that some children can be cruel to animals (sometimes not intentionally, but it is a button to press that will get a reaction from adults), so you need to be able to keep them all safe.

I do not think dogs are a deal breaker at all, but it is another dimension to add, plan for and consider.

[Skiphopnjump]

We adopted with a 12 year old Yorkshire terrier who is overly friendly and likes to jump all over our SW. She observed him around our older child (8yo) and also around toddlers and babies when our friend came round to meet the SW for her reference interview.

We did have to agree to rehome if he did not do well around a potential child, which we did agree to and had a plan in place for him to go to MIL.

The SW will want to see that you are willing to put any adopted children above the needs of your dog. It doesn't mean get immediately rehome before placement but it does mean be willing to rehome if necessary to keep your children safe. If that's not something you are willing to do, you won't be suitable to adopt. I appreciate that pets are family too but the children will need to come first and that means protecting their safety by rehoming pets if needed.

[LookWithYourHeart]

Thanks for your reply AutumnBloom.

Luckily both dogs are trained to go to their beds during meals or if having a biscuit with tea on the sofa, they sit nearby but do not try to steal food.

We have lots of baby gates since our puppy needs quiet time when play gets a bit too excited between the dogs so they are used to that separation and it works when guests arrive to visit for that ‘calm time’ before introductions.

I had not thought about allergies to be honest, that’s a situation I need to talk to my husband about as that would be awful to have a placement of children and then find that out. My MIL has severe dust and pet allergies so can’t visit but I suspect some children have mild allergies that may take time to present symptoms.

It’s great to hear a positive story with animals though as mostly online the only threads are negative stories.

Skip hop jump - I have heard this many times before and I’m feeling conflicted because I know our dogs are excellent with children of all ages and even better with children with disabilities. Granted I’ve not thought of allergies in much detail but I just couldn’t agree to rehome the dogs. It seems that finding out if children have allergies would be known if they’ve been with dogs before and ideally, I’d rather have children who have had some animal contact to be sure, for them and for us.

Isn’t it interesting adoptive parents are asked so much information before approval but an allergy screening test isn’t given to children to help link ideal families. I know someone will likely think if I had biological children with an allergy I’d get rid of the dogs, but there’s no choice there. There is choice with the children being linked to us, so it seems daft to dismiss us as potential adoptive parents because we could be linked with a child with an allergy which can very easily be avoided at matching.

I know due to my husband’s age we are likely to be approved to older children and I feel that the only thing that would make me agree to rehome the dog(s) is if one of them was to bite the children. That’s the only time I’d consider re-homing.

I think I’ll contact some agencies to ask about this as I feel so passionately that animals can be a blessing and would be interested if any agencies/LA screen children before placement.

[Autumnbloom]

I feel that the only thing that would make me agree to rehome the dog(s) is if one of them was to bite the children. That’s the only time I’d consider re-homing.

I really would not labour this point with a SW. I know the mention of potentially having to rehome your pets is awful, and believe me, I would only do so, if there was no other choice, this feeling is especially strong to you as you do not know your children yet. But if you had a birth child who did develop serious allergies you would have to rehome (and you would).

Although it is a consideration, do not let this eat you up. Yes, to some degree, when it comes to being matched you do have a say in the children that are placed with you. But when I was discussing this with my SW (before matching) they said that if I say we could not consider children with allergies or made a point of it on our profile, it would be a red flag to placing SWs, because I think it may suggest to some SWs that you are putting your pets before children and what else may you be unwilling to change?

I worried about allergies etc. And was terrified i’d Have to rehome, but make a plan (who would take them), it is unlikely that this would ever come to fruition, but although it hurt to think about it, I did say to panel, that if there were any issues, my dog would go to my mum’s.

I think the biggest risk with pets is that the home dynamics will change so your pet has to feel secure in their place within the family (their personality may change) and children can harm pets, another awful thing to think about but it does happen. I have strict rules about what the children can or can’t do with the pets to keep them all safe.

If you are confident about your dogs around children, just make a plan, think about safety and the ‘what ifs’, and hopefully your pets can happily co-exist with your future children. SWs and panel are looking for you to demonstrate and commit to putting your children first. Please do not let it eat you up at this stage that you will have to rehome, the likelihood is slim if everyone is responsible.

[Somerville]

Granted I’ve not thought of allergies in much detail but I just couldn’t agree to rehome the dogs. It seems that finding out if children have allergies would be known if they’ve been with dogs before and ideally, I’d rather have children who have had some animal contact to be sure, for them and for us

I think you should research more about pets and allergies, and children in care in general, and then put some deep thought into it, because this is concerning.

Allergies can develop suddenly at any stage, and children need to be prioritised ahead of pets by their parents if that happens.
Asthma is a big problem for children who have spent their early years in deprivation (almost all children in need of adoption) and is often made worse by dogs.
Those kids who had dogs with their birth families, by the nature of the fact that they now need a new family, may well have been around aggressive or untrained dogs and be afraid of them.

Which isn’t to say that you might not be matched with siblings who have been with foster carers with a dog. But I don’t think you’ll get through to that point of matching with an attitude of refusing to rehome your dogs even if it is what your children need.

[Skiphopnjump]

But I don’t think you’ll get through to that point of matching with an attitude of refusing to rehome your dogs even if it is what your children need.

This. I don't mean to sound harsh OP because I'm sure you would be fantastic parents, and chances are that the dogs will be fine, BUT the children who have been placed for adoption are very very often deeply traumatised children who need parents who would do absolutely anything and everything to protect them. If a SW picks up on your reluctance to place your potential children ahead of your dog's, then they will not consider you to be strong candidates for adoptive parenthood.

I love my dog. He saw me through some very hard times including our infertility. I would rehome him in a second if he caused my son any serious distress or harm, because as much as I love my dog, nothing can ever compare for the love I have for my son.

[user1471555041]

We have a lovely 8 year old spaniel who whilst quite bouncy is very gentle. We were asked during the approval process what would we do if our child and dog didn’t get along, we said that if they didn’t we would look to re home him with my MIL but didn’t think we would ever have to do it. 2 years after placement our dog now lives with my MIL as my daughter just can not leave him alone, is constantly wanting to touch and cuddle him, pick him up and he finds it too much as she is so over bearing and controlling.

[LookWithYourHeart]

Autumn - I know my Mum would take the dogs as she adores them and will not see an animal go back to a shelter etc. So I guess we can proceed on the faith they are well behaved and we will not likely need that plan unless allergies develop.

Somerville - Yes, I understand allergies can develop later and if a child developed this after an adoption order was granted, there would not be a choice, it would be the dogs to go, of course. The same as we would treat a biological child.

However, if children can be tested prior to being matched and placed this would surely save much heartache for the children, us and the dogs.

Those kids who had dogs with their birth families, by the nature of the fact that they now need a new family, may well have been around aggressive or untrained dogs and be afraid of them. would surely NOT be matched to us as 'happy with pets'. If the relationship with animals is unknown (which with older children I am sure they will know from speaking with the children) perhaps as you suggest, children in foster care with a dog is a good option for us to research and request. That's not something I had thought of as a positive way to move forward.

Skip Hop Jump - the children who have been placed for adoption are very very often deeply traumatised children who need parents who would do absolutely anything and everything to protect them. If a SW picks up on your reluctance to place your potential children ahead of your dog's, then they will not consider you to be strong candidates for adoptive parenthood.

I am not reluctant to place my potential children before my dogs. I would absolutely put my potential children ahead of the dogs, however when the SW is choosing from a list of siblings to potentially match with us, I don't think saying potential children who have some positive experience in foster care with dogs (thanks Somerville) is unreasonable or putting the dogs first. It is creating the best and most positive match with our family (including the dogs) and our home.

To me, that is no different to ethnicity matching or when someone says they want a 0-5 year old instead of a 5-10 year old. Adoptive parents are allowed an opinion and options based on who they are and what their home is like.

If that makes me not a strong candidate for adoption because I am supporting an additional reason for a positive link and we are rejected, so be it.

I think it reflects more on the adoption matching process having an issue they could easily remedy - at cost to the adoptive parents - in the same way they insist on adoptive parents paying for the medical assessment they deem necessary.

I've contacted a few of our shortlisted agencies this morning to ask if allergy testing can be done for potential matches if we are approved as adopters. If I receive any feedback I will update the thread.

I hope more adopters with pets and positive endings are able to share their experiences.

[Autumnbloom]

I’m sure it will be fine @LookWithYourHeart just be prepared with a plan. My two came from a foster carer home with dogs. On linkmaker, it does usually list if ok with pets. Don’t think they will screen though.

As you go through the process, you will discover other issues which need consideration and you will have to think of ways to mitigate, It’s all part of the process. It can be frustrating, it can feel like there are so many hoops to jump through. Thinking through potential issues now will assist once you get to stage 2, these boards are a wealth of info.

I had an issue crop up that I didn’t even think about...we didn’t have a bath, a lovely walk in shower though, didn’t think it would be an issue. We were surprised at just how many children it ruled us out for due to several reasons. Anyway, we put a bath in very quickly!

[dappledsky]

"when the SW is choosing from a list of siblings to potentially match with us,"

It sounds like you are suggesting that a SW might go out and draw up a list of children that meet your criteria, subject them to a painful medical procedure at your request, and then you choose to reject those who don't get the result you require.

I'm sorry but that is not at all how the adoption process works (quite rightly). I find it hard to believe any SW or doctor would agree to this.

[Skiphopnjump]

Sorry OP but from your posts you definitely come across as thinking the SWs are trying to find the right children for you, and that is absolutely not how it works - it's about finding the right family for the children. And the fact that you would be willing to dismiss an otherwise perfect match if the children failed an allergy test is really worrying, as is the fact that you're perfectly happy to be told that you aren't suitable for adoption because of this.

[Skiphopnjump]

If that makes me not a strong candidate for adoption because I am supporting an additional reason for a positive link and we are rejected, so be it

In fact in this point right here, you are saying " We want children, but we want the dogs more".

[LookWithYourHeart]

Dappledsky

You have twisted my words into a suggestion that I’ve said they will draw up a list for me to my criteria. Not true.

Are you suggesting a list of children to be adopted doesn’t exist with criteria such as pets or no pets for a SW to select from? Someone above has indicated Linkmaker exactly does that.

That’s exactly how adoption works, to match the right children with the right family.

Also, I’m only suggesting the match a SW recommends (if there’s no history with pets) could have the test to avoid placement that creates the need for re-homing. If they lived in foster care with a dog it wouldn’t be necessary if they are not showing symptoms of an allergy. If you read the entire response you would have seen that.

I opened this thread asking for adoption experiences with pets because I’ve read plenty of other negative threads with people like you just shaming families with dogs and their opinions expressed in an abrupt and aggressive manner.

I haven’t had the pleasure of reading your experience of adopting with pets.

That’s why I asked for experiences of those who successfully adopted with pets. To find out what actually happened and to those who have responded detailing their pet adoption story, I’m very grateful.

[LookWithYourHeart]

I’m actually saying I want the children that would be happy and healthy with the dogs.

But I’m sure you will pull those words apart too.

[LookWithYourHeart]

No need to ‘worry’ that I’m prepared for rejection knowing the dogs could be an issue. Just because I won’t willingly sign away my dogs to be re-homed doesn’t make me a bad person maybe just unsuitable for adoption. It’s ok to be a person who’s considered unsuitable. We are not all the same.

I’ve suffered so much heartache due to failure through IVF, egg donation, embryo adoption and a hysterectomy due to health issues it would probably provide you some compassion to my reasoning.

[Somerville]

I’m glad this thread has helped with your thought processes OP.

But I have to say that a suggestion that children are subjected to a blood test to check for allergies is really not on. There are so many possible allergens, plus more can develop at any stage. So it wouldn’t actually rule anything out, and blood tests are painful and potentially very traumatic. I suspect social workers would look askance at the suggestion.
Likewise your suggestion that children are asked about their feelings to do with dogs - children who need to be adopted often have significant developmental delays, including with speech and with their emotions. So there can be a lot of unknowns about their early life and there can be surprise reactions at any stage. Social workers will expect you to be making significant allowances for this being the case, up to and including rehoming your dogs. Perhaps because the child develops an allergy or sudden fear. Or merely because the child’s health or emotional needs become so extreme that you dont have enough time to look after the dogs properly.

My experience is of an easier form of adoption - my second husband adopted my (birth) children. But even so the level of consideration he and I were expected to give to a huge amount of unexpected things, and the things we were challenged on, were extensive. It’s much better to start educating yourself and challenging yourself as early as possible (which you are clearly attempting with this thread, and well done for doing so).

[Somerville]

Something else social workers might want you to consider is that your potential children might not treat your dogs kindly, when they go through a difficult developmental stage, and whether you’d consider revoking then for the dogs sakes. I say that because after our dog died we thought about getting a rehomed bunny or GP. But we were turned down by the local rescue place because they learned that DH had adopted my older kids and they’d had a few cases recently of rescuing pets for rehoming from adoptive parents whose kids weren’t treating the animals well.
We were rather aghast - DH was accepted to adopt children but not a frigging small pet!- but it did highlight how highly charged these situations can be.
Pets can of course be therapeutic for children, too. I’m in no way saying it’s not possible to happily adopt children while having dogs. Just that there are a huge variety of complications it could add at some point in the future which you will be challenged to consider.

[Ted27]

I think the issue of allergies may not be the key issue here, although I would be astounded if an SW agreed to allergy testing in the way its been suggested.
Anyway, my son lived with a foster family who were also dog breeders for 4 years. There were 12 or so very large Italian hunting dogs in kennels in the garden and a couple who lived in the house. He went to dog shows with them. So no allergy issues. Turns out he really doesnt like dogs at all. He was barely tolerating them. For the first two years we would have to cross roads to avoid dogs. He can just about tolerate a couple of dogs owned by some friends but he will avoid if at all possible. Personally I would love to have a dog, but its his home too so its not fair to impose that on him.

More importantly this issue is really not about how wonderful and great with kids your dog is, but the behaviour of the child. Someone further up said they had to rehome because the child could not leave the dog alone. Its not unheard of for children to hurt animals, I know of one case where the child kicked a cat so hard that it had to be put down.
Of course lots of people with pets successfully adopt. There is no reason for you to rehome your dogs at this stage. But SWs want to be certain that if push comes to shove, the child comes first.

[LookWithYourHeart]

Thanks Somerville. I thought by asking for experiences of adoption with dogs I’d get the opportunity to see exactly what people experienced and it seems there’s been a positive experience and one where the dog was exactly as you said, needing regaining as the child pestered the dog.

I think if our initial SW meeting/assessment identifies the same opinion we will not progress very far through the process.

I thought that the skin tests were on the surface of the skin to be honest and not painful as my friend’s daughter had one done without a needle.

Maybe as I’ve said adoption isn’t for us but I’m disappointed that I’ve been approached so negatively and attacked about my questions and views. I’m appreciative of your shared experience and opinions.

I guess with waiting 18 months after IVF, waiting to sort out finances so I can afford to give up work if needed to be home with children and then finding out dogs are such an issue has been difficult but necessary to explore to be fully prepared.

I have friends with children with struggles ranging from each end of the autistic spectrum to a child whose brain is severely impacted by polymicrogyria who gets on so well with the dogs. I guess seeing 5 children with different difficulties and struggles who adore the dogs made me think they could be a blessing to a sibling group.

[Skiphopnjump]

I'm really sorry OP my responses have come across more harshly than I intended.

The chances are you will be fine and the dogs won't be an issue. But if you want to adopt then you do need to be prepared that it could be an issue. The reason I came across so emotively is because this is an emotive subject - I cannot imagine not having my son with me as part of our family, purely for something within my control such as an allergy or aversion to our dog. Factors like religion and ethnicity are considered when matching because they are not factors that a person can change but owning pets is.

And as awful as this is to say - in ten years time the chances are your dog's won't be with you any more. To give up an opportunity to be a parent because of your dog's, especially when you have had such a difficult journey to get to this point, would be even more heartbreaking.

[Skiphopnjump]

Just because I won’t willingly sign away my dogs to be re-homed doesn’t make me a bad person maybe just unsuitable for adoption.

Also just to pick up on this - No one is saying you are a bad person, please don't think this. I in fact think it makes you a remarkable person to show so much love, loyalty and compassion to your pets. Just perhaps not suited to adoption (or perhaps parenthood, because this is something I know many parents have had to go through not just adoptive parents).

[LookWithYourHeart]

according to the majority of posters, it seems to be the opinion of this thread that adoption might not be for us Thanks for letting me know your opinions.

BUT I’d still like to hear about the original request for adoption experiences with dogs

Thanks

[Skiphopnjump]

This is a relatively quiet board and you've had a few responses on adopters experiences of adopting whilst owning a pet. It really is usually fine. SWs will place a lot of importance on ensuring you have a contingency plan incase it does not work out well between children and pets.

All of my close adopted friends have dogs, as well as us, none of us had any issues. All were prepared to rehome if necessary.

It honestly probably won't be an issue unless you are unprepared to rehome if absolutely needed. That really is all there is to it.

[Skiphopnjump]

*adopter friends

[Allgrownup3]

Hi, I was approved for my LO with a Labrador. Like you I have gates to keep him locked in from people. He's loves people and still gets excited at the age of 4. Not all people like dogs but as long as your sw is confident that the dog is friendly and they pass their dog assessment they will be on your side. They will definitely ask you questions at both panels. Whether you will rehome the pets if the children develop allergies and what safe areas that you have to also protect the dogs. Some children may harm them. Honestly my dog would let my lo poke him in his eye and ears whilst LO sings "Head, shoulders, knees and toes" However, I also know that no all dogs are like that!