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Step Parent Adoption

(4 Posts)
Tummypen51 Tue 08-Jan-19 23:25:59

It’s been 6 months now since we notified social services of our intentions for my husband to adopt our 14 yr old daughter. She first approached us over 2 years ago asking if it was possible but we told her that if she felt the same way in a year we would look into it...well we have put it off and tried to make her see how final it all is and she is still adamant it’s what she wants and my husband would like for nothing more as he has raised her for the last 5 years. So her biological father has seen her twice in 8 years, he was due to see her a third time in December 2014 but he called her the night before the meet and told her that he didn’t want to see her and that she can contact him when she’s 18...that was the last time we heard from him. So on Monday just gone the paperwork has finally been sent to the courts and our sw has finished our assessments, they are in full support of the application but like us they could not trace bio father...till tonight! I managed to locate a friend of his and while looking through his friends I saw a familiar photo on a girls profile pic, when I looked it turns out that this is his girlfriend. So I messaged and asked if I could call him for a chat...I informed my daughter that I had found him and that I’ve asked if I can contact them...she asked me if she could, I said I wasn’t sure as I know what he can be like and honestly my daughter doesn’t really remember him...she was 6 when we broke up. 5 hours later I got a message back asking me to call, my daughter was next to me when we made the call as I agreed we would do this together. When he came on the phone my daughter said hello...he said hello back and my daughter told him that she was only calling as she wanted to tell him that her step dad is adopting her...straight away he said no, he then went on to degrade me to her and blame me for the no contact, my daughter told him that this wasn’t about him or my husband and I, this is about her and what she wants...she went on to tell him that the father daughter bond between herself and my husband is how it should be and he is everything a father should be and that she would be really happy if he would agree to it. Again of course he said no and I had to terminate the call as my daughter became very emotional. Since this has happened a few hours ago, he has been on my social media page and posted on a happy New Year status I put up giving me abuse and he’s also shared my post to his page again giving me abuse...clearly this man hasn’t changed, when together I was abused in every way. So now...I’m here losing sleep because I’m worrying that with him now contesting my daughter isn’t going to get the one thing she longs for sad has any one else experienced anything like this...if you haven’t it doesn’t matter, I think I just needed to get all that out and thank you for spending the time reading it x

OP’s posts: |
Cherry321 Fri 11-Jan-19 20:23:51

Sorry no advice. But hope you and your daughter are OK.

sassygromit Sat 12-Jan-19 11:15:22

I read this and meant to reply and then didn't. Basically I have no experience either of this either so I don't have anything worthwhile to say, but I wanted to say like the pp that I hope that a few days on you and your dd are ok, and also that it might be worth posting this in a different part of mumsnet if you haven't already because I am sure there are many people out there who do have experience.

Tummypen51 Tue 19-Mar-19 16:39:27

So we’ve had our directions hearing, social services report had been received and they are in full support of the adoption, however, cafcass had not made their report so our case has been adjourned till June. Biological father failed to attend the directions hearing and he has also failed to engage with social services with their report...he spoke with them once to contest and then ignored and further communication from them. We are hoping that Cafcass have a better result with them but we shall see. My dd has been asking lots of questions and I have tried to be as honest with her as I can be, the main question is “is this going to happen” well I can’t answer that can I but I’ve tried to reassure her that everyone will do what’s in her best interests, including us.
I will update again in due course, we are all feeling a little lost as to what to expect with the cafcass assessments, so if anyone knows I would be interested to hear from you x

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