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(12 Posts)
mumofblueeyes Sat 17-Nov-18 11:08:09

We are just contemplating adopting for the second time and could do with some ideas or advice on if it is possible with our house space. We have a 13 year old BS and a 5 year old adopted son. My husband gave up work to care for the boys so we kind of think now or never if we are going to do this! LO has been with us for 3 years and all is very settled. We have lucky enough to have accommodation provided by my job, a delightful 3 bedroom detached house in acres of amazing grounds. So moving or selling isn't an option. Huge house but just so happens to be cut up into 3 bedrooms upstairs. Currently we have a bedroom that could fit 4-6 double beds in (to give an idea of the space) and boys have one normal size bedroom each. All en suite. Although we seem to have loads of space and kind of rattle around the house I can't work out the logistics of who would go where. At the moment I can't see we would be approved on the 1 bedroom each criteria?

OP’s posts: |
Ted27 Sat 17-Nov-18 13:04:26

Is there a downstairs room that could be used as a bedroom for the 13 year old? Or use screens/furniture to divide up the large bedroom to create two separate spaces

Ploppymoodypants Sat 17-Nov-18 13:15:50

Oh we had this situation. 4 bed house, 2 upstairs and 2 downstairs. Had to be on same floor as adopted Child, but also not allowed to put birth child on a separate floor. No way to rearrange house or extend. We wouldn’t consider moving as this is a dream house in dream location, near to excellent schools, doctors and other amenities and houses here are like hens teeth within our budget. Anyway whilst we were trying to decide what to do, I fell pregnant so we didn’t continue with adoption process. But it’s extremely frustrating and I have no answers still.
With the birth children, they are sharing whilst v small and when older they will take gne upstairs bedrooms and bathrooms as one each, and DH and I will be downstairs with a Guest room.

Ted27 Sat 17-Nov-18 13:56:58

I'm not sure that SW can tell you what to do with a birth child, however, a 13 year old, who may well be 14/15 by the time a new child arrived is completely different to a toddler or primary age child. I don't see how SWs could object to a teenager sleeping on a separate floor

Ploppymoodypants Sat 17-Nov-18 14:20:28

Yes maybe Ted is correct. My DD would have been 5 and social workers were worried she would feel like she had been ‘sent away’ to the top floor because of adopted child and therefore feel insecure or resentful.
To be honest I completely understood their rationale, but it was disappointing at the same time.

mumofblueeyes Sat 17-Nov-18 14:56:42

Thanks all. Really helpful to get ideas.
Our downstairs is the most enormous open plan space so basically one room which we have zoned into dining room, study and living room. I guess I could carve a bit of that up, or our big bedroom.

I think the frustrating thing is that the rule doesn't reflect reality. Teenagers yes, love their own space but little ones don't. My 5 year old would love to share a room. My boys shared a room from a few months after adoption until recently, they both wanted to be in the same room, begged for it and loved it. It was only recently the 13 year old wanted privacy!

My 5 year old also only ever uses his room to sleep in. He feels safe playing downstairs near us. He won't even go upstairs to get a toy alone, let alone play upstairs on his .... own!! So bedrooms are just a non important space to him. Am sure it will change when he is say 12, but that is years away and anything can happen before then.

I am not sure the potential new addition (maybe a 0-3 year old) will really know any different. Perhaps I don't really understand the benefits of having your own room in a pre school age child!

I feel we will have to do some twiddles to get through the assessment (like you do) and then rejig when the process has ended. The 2 younger ones would then share and the older boy would have his own space. Like families across the country!!

OP’s posts: |
flapjackfairy Sat 17-Nov-18 16:46:03

Can you not simply split the huge bedroom into 2 or 3 bedrooms ?

thomassmuggit Sat 17-Nov-18 18:37:53

Ime, sws are incapable of being sensible on this. You'll need to carve up a room.

I agree with you. A newly adopted child wants the exact opposite of "their own space".

user1471555041 Sat 17-Nov-18 20:20:07

We had a 3 bed house but have this week finished converting part of our very large open planning living space downstairs into a fourth bedroom for our teenage son. We are waiting to be matched second time around so our AD2 and a new addition would each have a room of their own upstairs with us. The bedrooms were big enough upstairs for the younger children to share but SW were unwilling to place a child without them having their own room...

notsobumpy Sat 17-Nov-18 20:26:41

Would a room divider do?
You can get ones that screw to the ceiling in b&q.
That would practically split the room into 2.
Even better if there’s more than 1 window in a room.

mumofblueeyes Sun 18-Nov-18 15:18:32

Does anyone know if has to be a room with a door or a divider is okay? Our bedroom does have 2 windows. Thanks for the B&Q tip, will investigate.

OP’s posts: |
OlennasWimple Wed 21-Nov-18 23:00:56

We held off adoption until we had three bedrooms (we have a birth child also) - and both children insisted on sharing a room together...

Are you still in touch with any of the SW who assessed you three years ago? Can you ask them for their thoughts on the options available to them?

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