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How to write a letter to your child

(11 Posts)
SarahCornwall78 Thu 15-Nov-18 23:43:32

Hi I had my baby 3 weeks ago and he is going for adoption. He is in a foster home at the moment. I've made him a memory box with items to show him he was loved and cared for, but I want to write him a letter and I'm finding it really difficult. How has anyone else found writing a letter

OP’s posts: |
EightWellies Fri 16-Nov-18 12:37:46

Hi. I'm an adoptive mum, rather than a birth mum, but I didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

Is the letter for when your baby is grown up? Or for their future adoptive parents to share with them as a child? I think that will set the tone.

I would include what you've said here, that they were loved and any very early days memories, holding them etc. Also that you hope they are happy and maybe if they look like anyone. If it's for an adult, you may want to include some of the circumstances of the adoption.

Good luck. I'm sure it's very hard. Look after yourself.

darkriver198868 Fri 16-Nov-18 14:21:20

Hi Sarah,
Have you been referred to birth family support?
I am a birth parent and was referred before the final hearing. They will be able to offer some support.

I have to confess that I haven't been able to write later life letters for the girls at the time. I plan to do it when I am in a better place. Will you get letter box contact?

Maybe its something you could do at a later point and have it put on your childs file.

OurMiracle1106 Fri 16-Nov-18 14:22:03

Hi sarahcornwall78 im a birth Mum. Writing this type of letter is always going to be very hard. It really depends on what it is want your child to know and whether you have any plans for letterbox?

Ooplesandbanoonoos Fri 16-Nov-18 15:11:45

Hi Sarah
Some info about why you chose their name, who they look like in birth family and maybe some anecdotes eg any pregnancy cravings etc.
Take care.

SarahCornwall78 Fri 16-Nov-18 20:11:17

Hi Thank you everyone for replying to my message means a lot xx
Darkriver198868 - yes I have a social worker who is writing a first letter which is from her side of how she met me and her description of me and the early days of him arriving.
Ourmiracle1106 - hiya yes I'm doing the letter box adoption. I just don't want all these things and thoughts in my brain because I'm worried I will brake down 1 day do thought about putting it all to paper but really hard.
Eightwellies - the letter is for me as much as him. The adoptive parents read about me each year to him xxxx

OP’s posts: |
Jellycatspyjamas Fri 16-Nov-18 21:19:47

I wonder if it might help to write a letter to him that gets all of your thoughts and feelings out, but that you don’t actually send. It may help you to put on paper those things that are going round in your head and venting it all may help you then write something for him that is meaningful but isn’t too much either?

SarahCornwall78 Fri 16-Nov-18 21:40:26

Hi jellycatspyjamas - that was my plan but it's hard to start it and where from in my life. I've never been good at putting words on paper and having it make sense xx

OP’s posts: |
vjg13 Fri 16-Nov-18 21:53:07

I'm an adoptee and have a short but lovely letter my birth Mum wrote in which she says how much she loved me and wanted me to have a different life from the one she felt she could give me. It is beautiful and I treasure it.

SarahCornwall78 Fri 16-Nov-18 23:02:58

Dear vjg13 thank you so very much for replying. It means a lot for an adoptee to reply to me smile
I just want it to show how much he means to me and it was never to hurt him xx

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MrsMatty Sat 17-Nov-18 00:19:55

Sarah, I'm an adoptee too and would have loved a letter from my birth mother. Though I had the most wonderful adoptive parents, I know that if I'd had a letter from my birth mother, just saying that she loved me but wanted a better life for me - that would have meant a lot. It's lovely that you want you to write a letter for your child. x

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