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Meeting birth parents

(8 Posts)
LaLaLands Mon 20-Aug-18 19:04:17

Hi all. We are due to meet birth parents soon and needless to say we are a little nervous and we hope it goes ok. Has anyone met birth parents pre-adoption! How did it go and have you got any advice?

Thanks all

OP’s posts: |
PurpleMac Mon 20-Aug-18 20:15:29

We met BM about seven weeks after DS moved in. It was really emotional but also lovely. Me and her actually really hit it off, and she commented on how glad she is that he is with us.

Just go to without any expectations. Have a think about what questions you would like to ask, and perhaps ask your SW to get these questions to birth parents ahead of time so they have an opportunity to prepare.

CharlieSays13 Tue 21-Aug-18 21:02:11

We met BM, 5 days after we met our LOs and before they moved in with us. I'm very glad we did, we can now honestly answer questions our LOs will have, she also gave us a lot of information about their very early life and family which is amazing to have. We both had questions for each other, we asked about their births, why their names had been chosen and what would she want them to know about her. It was a very emotional meeting for every one, even the facilitating SW but I really think it will be an important part of our LOs story as they grow. I also know that BM wasn't a bad person or someone to fear, just a vulnerable person who struggled to keep her children safe. I can tell my children this and that she loved them with confidence.
My advice would be to think about what you would like to know and prepare yourself for the emotions. Make sure it's well facilitated by SW who know how to handle this very unique situation.

GiddyGardner Tue 21-Aug-18 23:03:06

Just done it. We were terrified, but she was terrified (probably more than us). It was a really positive experience. We found out some things to tell our DCs later on, it gave closure to her and we got an unexpected cuddle at the end. She was really pleased she had met us and we were really pleased we had met her. It is scary, but be brave, it won't last long and it could be a really positive experience for you now, and for your kids later on. Tip: count to five before you answer any questions, sometimes it's easy to spit out personal info when emotions are high.

Ted27 Wed 22-Aug-18 10:31:02

Yes I met dad before intros.

Its nerve wracking for everyone but worse for them. Don't forget you know all sorts of things about them, they know nothing of you.

Let the SWs manage the meeting. You will be fine.

Congratulations on your new arrival

PaulMorel Thu 23-Aug-18 09:19:10

Hello! Just relax and calm yourself I hope it will go well. Wishing you luck! smile

LaLaLands Thu 23-Aug-18 23:06:47

Thank you so much. All really helpful ideas and advice. Appreciate it!!

OP’s posts: |
OlennasWimple Sun 26-Aug-18 02:48:28

We met BM a couple of weeks after DC moved in with us. Our SW said that they preferred to do it afterwards, so that there was something to talk about and hopefully the adoptive parents would be able to reassure birth parents that LO was settling in well

We were soooo nervous but it went really well and we are glad we did it. If nothing else, it makes writing letterbox letters easier as we are writing to someone we have met. And there is a photo of us together, which I think has to be something positive for DC in the future

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