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Adopted children meeting birth family - experiences?

(8 Posts)
loopylass13 Sat 11-Aug-18 02:58:36

I imagine some adopted children are curious about their birth origins and others are not. I have three relatives in my family who are adopted and all three have no desire to seek for further information at the moment. It is a massive decision to open that door as we never truly know who is on the other side.

I wondered what other families' experiences are with adopted children meeting their birth relations? Are they curious? What ages did they want to meet? How did it go and what, if any, long term ramifications have their been? If chosen not to seek, any particular reason why? Did you have any contact in the years leading up to meet ups? Any regrets to meeting?

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vjg13 Sun 12-Aug-18 19:16:19

? Journalist

loopylass13 Mon 13-Aug-18 02:24:16

Honestly not a journalist though no way to prove that - suppose I'll take the comment as a compliment to my writing skills smile.

My mum is adopted. Suppose I was just looking for other people's experience as I can never fully relate to how she feels about this subject. It drives me crazy, I want to know. I wonder had she had indirect contact or met her relations as a child/teenager, that the current outcome of not seeking would be different. An agency worker once told me a common reason adopted folk don't seek out birth relations is because they have been raised happy/well adjusted, that they had enough in life so didn't feel a need for more.

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helforddreams Wed 15-Aug-18 22:37:25

I have four adopted children, all biological siblings, and all now adults.

Of my four children only our daughter (adopted from birth) became interested in contacting her birth family. This was after the birth of her own child. She had no desire to contact her birth parents but she did search for, and get in touch, with other siblings who were older and did know of her existance. We have embraced their siblings as part of our own extended famly, and as a result our sons have also met and spent time with them. We all get on well and they have accepted that she has no wish to see, or contact, her birth parents. We helped and supported her in every way we could, although their first meeting was not with us. It's been quite straightforward really with no real issues.

Rebecca36 Mon 20-Aug-18 09:11:47

I was an adopted child and always wanted to know about my birth mother/parents. When I was an adult, married and a mother myself I did contact my birth mother and we met just once. We corresponded for a while after that and then she backed off, I think it was all a bit much for her. I understood, she was a widow and had never had any more children. She had buried the memory of having me so very deeply.

Many years later she wrote to me enclosing a cheque for £10,000. I couldn't believe it! It was a nice letter, hoping I was well etc. She said she wanted me to treat myself and that I would receive more money when she died ha ha. I replied and said I didn't want to hear of her dying, she'd probably outlive me and I liked to think of her living in the country and enjoying various things that I knew she did.

We continued to correspond, I kept it fairly light and gentle.

A couple of years later she told me she had cancer. She had an op and was having chemo. I spoke to her on the telephone and wrote, sent cards etc. She was a very independent lady. She was doing fine so she said and wanted to know all about me.

She died in January and has left me something in her will (I don't know what, probate takes a while but her house is being sold). I was gutted, can't explain it but I felt terrible when she died and let's face it I didn't really know her. Since then I've felt as though I'm in no man's land.

I never will regret meeting her though. She was great.

sassygromit Mon 20-Aug-18 11:45:56

I was adopted and had contact with bio mother all through childhood other than between age 9 and 14, and have an adult relationship now. I found the contact hugely beneficial for lots of reasons, I referred to some in another thread if you search my username.

I am close to another adoptee adult who did not have contact at all as a child and as an adult so far has not had any contact with bio mother, and is not keen, but her children, on the other hand, who are now all young adults, are extremely interested in their bio roots, have had contact, and want to talk about it and pore over photos comparing features. So I am not surprised to hear about your interest!

sparklybytfeelingtiredzzzzz Mon 20-Aug-18 14:06:44

I wasn't adopted but didn't meet my bio father until I was 30 I was always curious and when I met him wanted more that I could give him.

We've met twice and I still have his number ring him once a year there's a connection there and I'd be sad if anything bad happened to him but he didn't bring me up he wasn't there when I got married has never held my children or met them he helped me into this world and there's a connection but nothing else x

I think children are curious which is why when they are hopefully provided with life story books and some info this should help x

loopylass13 Mon 20-Aug-18 17:29:46

Only just noticed the responses, thank you so much xx

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