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BM has gone AWOL

9 replies

Fatbird71 · 22/07/2018 01:17

Our DD's BM went missing last year. Normally, she was chasing up our letterbox letter every year, but last year the co-coordinator didn't get a call. She tried emailing her, ringing her, writing to her but nothing back. The phone no was not recognised, and the email bounced back.

It's really strange. 😔. We met her just after the adoption, and we really liked her (a grown up version of our DD, so we feel concerned about her. I'm hoping that she is ok and that nothing has happened to her but not sure how we would find out, unless she reappears this year. From our DDs perspective, we'd like to be able to tell her if there is a problem or if something has happened rather than her writing a letter as, she does now......

We're not sure what to do bearing in mind, the LA don't know what has happened either......in guessing we will just have to wait for news

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PurpleMac · 22/07/2018 07:19

I take it you've done a social media search? I keep tabs on BM via her Facebook (not a healthy habit but we weren't told just how mobile she was, and she actually frequents a lot of the same places as I do - not long ago she posted photos of herself outside my work!! She had no idea I work there and it's in a tourist destination so complete coincidence, but still!).

I suppose it depends on her background. If there were drugs involved would police be able to help (ie tell you if she had been arrested?). I really don't know how that would work. Sorry this isn't much help just trying to think of solutions.

It must be very hard for you.

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hidinginthenightgarden · 22/07/2018 08:06

If I were concerned, I would go on Facebook and see if she had been on recently. She may be going through a bad patch.

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Fatbird71 · 22/07/2018 13:09

I've never been able to find her on Facebook and as she's met us, I would want to avoid me appearing on the"do you know this person" feed that comes up. She would then make the link. I need to find someone who has no link to us to use their FB I guess

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PicaK · 22/07/2018 13:14

You can create a false fb account to do the search. I think you have to accept that she leads a more chaotic life than you do. And also she's not your responsibility. And then when you've done that you can teach me how to do it cos we're in the same boat and i know i shouldn't feel that connectionand worry but i do.

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Fatbird71 · 22/07/2018 19:00

I know she's not our responsibility but we still worry about her. Partly because she is a nice person but had rather unfortunate circumstances but also for our DD and what we tell her. She normally writes a note to go along with our letter and it feels wrong to encourage that, if it's not going to get to her (for whatever reason)......so how to set up a dummy account. Time to go and find out......

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Fatbird71 · 22/07/2018 21:29

Have found BM's mother and what we think is her, but only 1 post dated 2013...... So no further forward....Still we found out some stuff about DD s half sister. Social media is scary

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OurMiracle1106 · 23/07/2018 16:54

I sincerely hope BM is ok.

However unfortunately I’m not sure legally there is much you can do in regards to getting police to do a check etc.

It also highlights for me why I’ve got such tight controls on my Facebook, and why I use a different name. I have always been concerned my son could trace me via Facebook and I don’t think this would be the best way. I would of course, welcome contact via the right means with the right support for all involved. Facebook doesn’t provide this.

I would suggest you raise it with social worker that you have concerns and then they can take appropriate steps. I would continue writing and tell DD when she is older the reason birrh Mum write back if you ever find out why- birth Mum was in hospital/lost social services details/ did write but it was lost etc.

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Oliviarose51012 · 03/08/2018 20:13

I would love the Adopter of our lost one to look on our social media being nosey... at least they would get a more truthful account than the lies she has been told about us. The fact she has so much information about us is disconcerting when so much of it is SW fiction.

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Fatbird71 · 06/08/2018 00:23

Our letterbox coordinator is as surprised as us as BM was always so keen to get the letters. They have tried to get hold of her in several way but to no avail. It's just so sad. However I shall write as normal and hope that she gets to read it some day