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Birth child AFTER adopting?

(8 Posts)
Firstnameterms Mon 11-Jun-18 17:11:24

We adopted our daughter after multiple miscarriages. She is nearly 3, settled and a joy. We adore her!

We are considering another child. So, the option is to either adopt again or try again for a biological baby.
We found the adoption process really difficult and, to be honest, I have no wish to repeat it. However, I also have no wish to repeat the hospital visits, pain and suffering caused by a miscarriage. So neither option is an easy one.

The only reason we are considering biological (if it’s even possible) is because our daughter is doing so so well. With all the risks associated with adoption, I’m worried she will be negatively affected by another adoptive child’s needs. Obviously a birth child isn’t risk free as we all know, but I would know the risks.

What I do not want though is my daughter feeling second best. I know plenty of people have adopted after a birth child but I know nobody who had a biological child after adopting. I never want my daughter to feel that a biological child was my “dream” baby. Frankly, if we managed it biologically it would just be an “easier” route and less risks.

My daughter comes first though. Does anyone know of any studies associated with this? I love her so much I cannot bare for her to feel like the odd one out etc.

OP’s posts: |
Ted27 Mon 11-Jun-18 17:48:46

I know a couple of people who had birth children after adoption but they were not planned. They have all found it difficult, though not disastorous, for different reasons
Just something to consider - and I'm not trying to worry you about the future unnecessarily. Your daugther is only 3 - she may be doing well now, but you can't be certain what the future holds, when she starts school, the teenage years etc. You could find that a birth child could be very negatively affected if your daughter develops problems later on. This has impacted very much on one family I know.
Just something else to factor in, as you say either option has its risks.

Firstnameterms Mon 11-Jun-18 18:16:24

I understand she is still young and am under no illusion that it will all be plain sailing. It’s a reason why we have waited and there will be a reasonable age gap. If we were to have a second child, through what ever means, then my daughter would likely be 4 or more. I think that is reasonabley old enough for any clues about extra needs to begin to become apparent (I have experience of this). Teenage years...well I work with teenagers. Teenage years are too many years away to base this decision on! We aren’t rushing into anything though. Thanks for your post

OP’s posts: |
Hels20 Mon 11-Jun-18 19:49:44

Deleted at poster's request

Hels20 Mon 11-Jun-18 20:11:36

Message deleted at user's request

Firstnameterms Mon 11-Jun-18 21:16:18

? Why would someone delete their message? confused

OP’s posts: |
bunting1000 Mon 11-Jun-18 21:44:56

We have 3 boys- oldest 2 are adopted and then we had a baby a year ago (very much planned!). It's brilliant. Our boys are still pretty young (4 and 5 when baby was born) but are doing really well so far and I'm pretty confident they will continue to do so, which is why we decided to have a baby. The older two absolutely adore their little brother- he's just completed us as a family and he's as much theirs as he is ours. I feel completely the same about all 3 of them and it's just been wonderful so far. Feel free to ask me anything you want to know 🙂

bunting1000 Mon 11-Jun-18 21:46:49

Just to add- I guess it's slightly different because our two have each other to share their story with, but we go very much with the idea that we are lucky to have them because we got to choose them, and we are lucky to have their brother because he grew in my tummy. Different routes, but equally loved as our children.

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