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How often each day do you think about this process?

(8 Posts)
topcat2014 Sat 09-Jun-18 07:12:51

Just wondering how much you think about this whole malarky?

I try to be rational, but probably dwell on it too much!

flapjackfairy Sat 09-Jun-18 08:28:14

You are asking the wrong question topcat.
You should be asking " how often do you manage to think about anything other than this process ? "

excitedmuchly Sat 09-Jun-18 09:32:27

All day every day!! It has taken over my whole life.... from worring about the process to stressing about time scales to looking at bedroom furniture and planning bedrooms and playrooms!!!
First home visit is on Tuesday!!

catlover1987 Sat 09-Jun-18 11:28:11

I do think about it a lot but I'm trying not to let myself get obsessed as I do have quite an obsessive personality. We're trying to weigh up researching as much as we can, while at the same time trying to do lots of the things that we've always wanted to do.

Iggyflop Sat 09-Jun-18 18:47:33

Think we’re at the same point in the process Top Cat (just started stage 2) If I’m not at work it’s pretty much permanently whirring away in the back ground. I’m even finding I’m waking up super early and my brain starts ticking away about adoption!

topcat2014 Sat 09-Jun-18 20:52:26

So glad it is not just me. I was worried everyone else is frighteningly brisk and efficient and treats it like a project, whereas i have it in the back of my mind all the time smile

L0UISA Mon 11-Jun-18 08:37:53

Only the back of your mind?

I know someone who didn’t take a promotion at work because she thought it Would be too stressful once she adopted . In the end it took so long to be approved and have a child placed, she had moved to a different employer anyway. She could have had that promoted post and work she would have enjoyed more for two years .

And her husband had by then lost his job so he became the SAHP and they really needed the extra income.

So the moral of this story is

1. Don’t put your life on hold because adoption always takes longer than you think.

2. Circumstances will change outside your control so just make the best decisions you can with the knowledge you have today.

teekay88 Wed 13-Jun-18 08:09:56

I'd probably echo @catlover1984. I tend towards being a bit obsessive over things which is really an anxiety thing. I haven't been trhough fertility treatment but have had to be incredibly patient around the having children thing as it's been several years for my.partner to get to the point where he felt ready so whereas if I'd have started this process a few years ago I think I would've had trouble concentrating on anything else, I've learnt some valuable mechanisms through other life experiences that help me to (somewhat) moderate my expectations and obsessiveness. We're v early days and I absolutely know further down the line I'll be struggling to think of anything else but so far I have found it a case if having v intense days where I am reading religiously any chance I get and scouring forums and other days where i have been so busy and preoccupied with something else (or tired) that I've been able to compartmentalize it (only slightly). I've found positive distraction is working for me. For now I have a large family event I'm organising and a holiday in couple months so this is keeping me focused on othet things. It gives me mini goals to work towards and I try to make a point of not speaking about adoption every single evening with my.psrtner so we do have some QT without it over shadowing. That said I have definitely gone OTT in my prep. Probably far too much reading for he stage I'm realistically at and I definitely feel the more active partner than my bf who doesn't learn through reading and is more practical. He s more.likely to spring into action when there's something practical to do. That said I have had a saying which flashes as a reminder on my phone since the day i embarked on this journey- "every day do something that will inch you closer to the life of your dreams". Cheesey I know but I take this to mean do something albeit even if it is very small each day to take myself closer to adoption goal. This helps me feel I'm doing something whilst keeping an emphasis on little things. So one day that may be reading a chapter of a book the next day it might be clearing a room in the house. You get the jist xx

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