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Can I adopt?

(8 Posts)
starwishing Fri 18-May-18 22:07:28

My DH and I have a child together. We are 35 and 38 and had a baby very quickly In Our relationship. He's 3yo now and we have been ttc since he was only tiny so it's been three years with no success. I have had fertility surgery but still no baby. We both have a stable job (teacher for me and environmental manager for him), own a four bed house (we were planning for more children), and have no issues against us as parents like criminal convictions (except going to speed awareness in half term).

How easy would it be to adopt? I just want another baby in our lives (by baby I mean child. My 3yr old is my baby still and will be in 30yrs!) and want to give a child a home. If a child Is biologically mine or not they would still be chosen by us because we want another child so would be ours the same as our son.

If we have a child already would this mean we cannot adopt? Tia for any advice xx

OP’s posts: |
KeepYourFriendsClose Fri 18-May-18 22:28:04

There has to be a time period (6 months I believe) between ttc and adopting.

KeepYourFriendsClose Fri 18-May-18 22:30:22

Posted too soon.
It won't matter that you have a child but obviously adoptees could be from horrendous backgrounds so even a very you g baby may have issues linked to neglect or drug abuse. Some behaviour issues too could be red flagged more if you have your own child (and even pets) to consider.

donquixotedelamancha Sat 19-May-18 08:42:50

There has to be a time period (6 months I believe) between ttc and adopting.

There doesn't have to be. Where infertility is an issue agencies will want to see that the couple are reconciled to not having a birth child, so many agencies have a hard rule of six months to think about things (after treatment) before applying.

Some behaviour issues too could be red flagged more if you have your own child (and even pets) to consider.

None of that is a barrier to you adopting, OP. Lots of people adopt who already have kids. What it does mean is that you will need to think about your matching criteria and the age gap with your child. It may take a bit longer to match so you can be selective. You should put your child's needs first.

You are relatively young, you have a job with good holidays (and will presumably be considering at least part time for one of you?), you have plenty of room and experience with kids. I wouldn't imagine you'd have much difficulty getting matched.

If you are in England, 6 months approval and anything from a week to a year for matching might be realistic timescales. This varies hugely on the quality of your agency, the availability of matches in your area and how fast you want to move.

Hope it all works out.

Cassie9 Sat 19-May-18 11:20:43

I have one birth son and are in the process of adopting my second son (he's been living with us ages, just waiting for court). Having birth children doesn't stop you from adopting. It sounds like you and your partner would get approved. A good place to start is going to an open evening. Lots of agencies have them. They're really informal and a good way of getting information.

hidinginthenightgarden Sun 20-May-18 07:21:43

Nothing to stop you adopting. We have a birth son who was the same age as yours when we started.
It isn't for the faint hearted though. It is a hard process and a very different way of parenting.

starwishing Sun 20-May-18 13:32:15

Thank you all for the replies.

@donquixotedelamancha I'm already part time doing three days a week term time and have the option to drop a day in the future if needed (this was agreed when I started because I said I wanted a baby and my school is amazing 😆)

We have agreed that the heartache of ttc is becoming emotionally a strain as three years of unexplained infertility is hard on anyone. The fact is we want more children because we want children. Whether biologically ours or simply giving a child a home they would still be our child once the papers have been signed. It's hard to explain how it doesn't matter to us how we bring a child into our lives.

I've signed up for information from our local councils adoption services and I'm hoping the info they send will include an open day or something.

Again thank you for all your help.

OP’s posts: |
PicaK Sun 20-May-18 14:44:42

We were like you - just wanted another child in our lives. As you read the threads on here you'll see that it's that desire which will get you through the tough times.
Parenting an adopted child is different to parenting a birth child - in the way you have to do things not in terms of the love you feel. You may not be able to treat them the same.
Do though put yout existing child first. A large number of adopted children have fasd. It would be worth joining a fb group to really get a sense of some of the challenges this presents.
You also need to look carefully at how you will protect your birth child from eg daily physical or emotional attacks.
Be prepared is what i'm saying. It's wonderful in many ways but you need to go into it having firmly left any rose tinted glasses behind.

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