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2nd relationship adoption?

(7 Posts)
mamamooloo Thu 17-May-18 16:40:47

Hello

I have a 5 year old from my previous marriage but I am now divorced.

I am in a relationship with someone else for the past 18 months. he is infertile, he is also divorced but no children.

Down the line we would like to adopt together. My child is 5, he has a fantastic relationship with my partner. My son sees his Dad every other weekend and at least once a week for tea. I have a good relationship with my ex.

But I am concerned if we would be unsuitable for adoption as my son spends some overnights with his dad? As this might be unsettling for the placed child if their "big brother" spends extended time away?

I have googled this and cannot find an example anywhere of where this family set up exists. I would contact the LA but seems premature as we are probably a couple of year away from even starting but I am making decisions now about housing etc that would be different if I thought my som will most likely remain an only child.

If anyone has any experience of this I would be most grateful.

OP’s posts: |
donquixotedelamancha Thu 17-May-18 17:11:08

No direct experience, but I can't see this being a big barrier. It will be looked at in the approval process, but I'm sure lots of people have had similar situations.

BPG20 Fri 18-May-18 12:41:10

Similar situation here! My DH has a DS aged 8. He was 6 (nearly 7) when we decided to adopt.

It wasn't an obstacle at all. He's here half the time. We were asked to give some consideration as to how we would explain to an adopted child that their sibling has another family who they live with, but how they themself have a birth family they cannot see. We were asked to give it consideration but we're not once asked how we would actually handle it (our answer would have been "age appropriate response as to they they cannot be with birth family, lots of cuddles and reassurance etc").

We've recently been told by our SW and her colleagues how impressed they are with how we prepared my DSS and how well he has taken to having an adopted brother, so if you need any advice on preparing your birth child if you do decide to adopt then I'm more than happy to advise!

hidinginthenightgarden Fri 18-May-18 12:44:49

I think the social workers would be more concerned if your son DIDNT have regular contact.

mamamooloo Mon 21-May-18 20:21:53

@BPG20 wow that's really fantastic so glad to hear there is a working example of this.
Do you mind me asking what the age gap is? I think i worry more about what my son would feel going off to Daddy's while other child stays behind and will he feel like he's missing out or vice versa, him having more fun with his dad and sibling missing out!

OP’s posts: |
BPG20 Mon 21-May-18 21:06:49

There's a 7 year age gap between the boys.

My DSS has a sibling at his mum's house too of a similar age to my DS so he's very used to being away from a sibling for half the time.

I'm assuming your DS doesn't have a sibling at his dad's? In that case you might find that he enjoys the best of both worlds - he gets a sibling but still gets to be an only child as well. I know DSS gets a bit bothered that he misses out on certain things when he's not with us, but we explained to him that DS is "missing out" on what DSS does with his other family. We obviously discuss it more sensitively than that though!

I wouldn't worry about him being worried he's having fun at his dad's whilst his sibling is missing out, I don't think young children develop that level of empathy for quite some time!

Your worries are very normal for any step-family considering having another child no matter what the method smile half-siblings are a very normal part of society nowadays (so much so that I haven't heard anyone refer to them as "half-siblings" until I just wrote that myself!). It's tricky to manage at times but with a good amount of preparation, it can be handled sensitively and work really well smile

Italiangreyhound Mon 21-May-18 22:01:25

I can't imagine it would be a problem. When you are ready just social services. the situation.

Good luck.

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