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Should I not even hope?

(4 Posts)
giveuptheidea Sun 04-Mar-18 12:37:35

I would love to adopt. Not now but one day when in a better place.

I have 1 dc already. His father was abusive. He still has contact as the abuse was towards me, not violent - emotional and mental abuse but I have had support from agencies and counselling as a result and accepted all help going

I also was in care myself as a child and find my mother very difficult so am NC

Because of these relationships should I simply forget ever even looking into it?

OP’s posts: |
Italiangreyhound Sun 04-Mar-18 13:10:46

I think the fact you were in care yourself should not cause any problems with adoption, assuming you have worked through it all.

I think the abusive ex may present more of an issue. If you have had counselling you may find that you are able to stop ex being emotionally/ verbally abusive to you. Have you done the Freedom Programme with women's aid?

Is your ex abusive to your child? Are there any safeguarding issues?

If not, and your adopted child would have no problems or contact with ex, it may be fine but you would still need to show you have worked through all this and your existing child can cope with the changes too.

As a single parent adopter you'd be supporting two children alone, do you have room in your home and money to do this?

You'd need a spare room for new child, not sharing with your existing child.

If this is something you really want to do, you could find out all the steps needed to get in the right place for this.

Can I ask if you work and how flexible it is is?

Also how old your child is and how long ago you and ex split up? You do not need to answer these.

Don't abandon your dream of adopting but I think thus may be something you could do in the future when boundaries with ex are fully in place and have been for a long while

Also, when you have a support network, relatively flexible work, a home big enough to accommodate two children in seperate rooms and your child is old enough to not need you too much so you have capacity for a younger child.

If all this is in place now, I would speak to social services but still advise caution to ensure your child has recovered from any fallout from your and ex's break up.

Good luck.

giveuptheidea Sun 04-Mar-18 13:19:14

It's definitely not an option currently. I would need to move. Need divorce finalised. Need to know ex has stopped - warning letter re non mol order has gone out.

But jus wondering if I should accept and grieve that this dream is over or still hold on to hope.

Adoptive child wouldn't have contact with ex but my DS still would

Also I can't say with certainty that my mum will never be part of my life again. She has some quite serious health issues that I may get back in contact so that if she passes she doesn't pass hurting iyswim

OP’s posts: |
Italiangreyhound Sun 04-Mar-18 14:02:18

I think you need to work the steps to ensure ex has no power over you and you have a home and job that can accommodate a new child. So I don't think you need to give up yet but if you want another child there are others too like sperm or embryo donation.

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