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Adoption counselling advice

(10 Posts)
houseofrabbits Mon 12-Feb-18 11:08:38

My DH and I have pretty much decided we want to go down the adoption route, rather than IVF. I posted on here before and it was recommended I have some sort of counselling or at least a discussion with someone knowledgeable to reassure ourselves this is right for us. My husband has counselling with MIND for some MH difficulties and is discussing adoption with his therapist there. I went to my GP to see if she could refer me anywhere but she said basically there wasn't any counselling available for adoption. If we had IVF we would have received fertility counselling through the clinic, but we can't access it without getting further in the IVF process. I feel 'ready' to adopt (as ready as you can be before starting the process I suppose), but still would like some sort of talking therapy before we begin. Does anyone have any advice?

Iggyflop Mon 12-Feb-18 14:46:37

I guess it depends what you want to get out of the counselling...We paid for a couple of sessions for the same reason. I spoke to the nhs fertility clinic and they only offer counselling for those undergoing treatment with them. We even offered to pay privately. The counsellor wasn’t as pricey as we expected (around £35-40) and we had one joint session and two each alone. We’d already made the decision really but wanted an opportunity and space to talk it through and process it in our own minds...find any sticky points or hotspots that we hadn’t thought of or might have missed.

Another option might be if your work as an occupational health department they might offer counselling? I’ve had some phone counselling through ours and have the option of accessing more of face to face if needed.

Hope that helps

Iggyflop Mon 12-Feb-18 14:50:49

Oh also, I just found our counsellor through the BACP online directory. Looked for someone who was prepared to see us as a couple, who had experience in adoption counselling, miscarriage/pregnancy loss counselling as well as used a model that I’m aligned with (though in hindsight might have been better not doing this) and that was affordable.

Rainatnight Mon 12-Feb-18 14:55:09

Yes, it's not part of the adoption process. Your PAR assessment should be an opportunity for honest reflection on it all, but of course it gets muddled with wanting to 'pass'.

insmithereens Mon 12-Feb-18 21:11:23

We went to see a private counsellor part way through the process both separately & together. We didn't ever share this with our SW though - I'm sure you're aware that if you see an NHS counsellor or tell your SW that you were seen privately (at any time) they will need to write to your counsellor to ask for information on what you sought counsel on. No issues there just something to be aware of.

Shannonlynn Mon 12-Feb-18 22:06:42

Hi, I have recently made the same decision so would be interested to keep in touch with you, if you would like? Counciling would be good, but I don’t think this is nessasarily a must. I had a conversation with my sw and she has been happy to continue. I had one counciling session after IVF, it felt awkward as I knew after our ordeal and massive heartbreak of a terrible time & miscarriage, I wasn’t going to do it again, so decided not to pursue further. 🌺

kierenthecommunity Mon 12-Feb-18 22:32:34

I had some counselling via Relate. It’s usually a couples thing but they do individual counselling too. SS insisted I had to have it hmm and it did cost about £250 shock but worth it in the end as we got our boy smile

houseofrabbits Tue 13-Feb-18 10:04:35

Iggyflop that is exactly why we want counselling. We've already made the decision but want to talk it through with a trained professional before starting the process. I'm not exactly sure why though, so if a counsellor asks ''so, why have you come to see me''....i'm not exactly sure how to answer that!

insmithereens that's interesting. We were planning on disclosing all our counselling anyways. My DH has paid to have counselling for some anxiety issues but has seen his GP about it so I assume it would come up anyways.

Shannonlynn feel free to PM me smile

kierenthecommunity why did SS insist you have counselling?

Iggyflop Tue 13-Feb-18 19:22:54

We said exactly that really...that we had made our decision and wanted an opportunity and space to talk it through and see if anything arises for either of us that we hadn’t expected. We also wanted to see if things that we might need to work through or process more might come up in a counselling session rather than it coming up in an adoption assessment session!

It only took a few sessions really as our minds were made up. DH got a lot out of it and it really helped him transition his thinking from birth kids to adopted kids as well as helping him find ways to get more emotional support from friends when I couldn’t give it as I was in the same position as him and grieving too!

ana000 Wed 21-Feb-18 15:59:44

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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