Information for family members

[feelslikearockandahardplace]

I know this has been done before but I've scrolled back through a few pages and can't find what I'm after. Can anyone recommend a resource with information for grandparents etc. We're six months into placement and I'm really struggling with my inlaws. I bought a copy of "Related by Adoption" but, having read it, I'm loathe to give it to MIL as I felt like it was all a bit too positive and what jumped out at me was how involved it seemed to be telling GPs etc. to be which is not what we need right now.

I suppose what I'm after ideally is something that covers:
*backing off and not trying to take over care giving
*keeping quiet when parents are setting boundaries and following those boundaries in their own interactions with the children
*respecting the importance of routines
*understanding that trying to spoil the children isn't what is needed
*basically not being a massive pain in the neck

Although they attended a family training session and at the time seemed as if they were very understanding, it feels now as if they've forgotten everything or decided that it doesn't apply to them and these particular kids. It means that I hate seeing them as I find it very stressful which isn't great for DH. Although he's tried to speak to them about it, some "expert" advice may go down better.
Thanks for any help that can be given!

[LateToTheParty]

This fact sheet is quite good

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/adoption-and-fostering/Documents/Adoption%20UK%20Factsheet%2012%20-%20Supporting%20prospective%20adopters%20with%20a%20new%20placement%20June%202013.pdf

Hope it helps! Might feel easier for you and DH to have something a bit more "official" to refer to with them.

[Italiangreyhound]

I think it depends what type of relationship you have with them, habit close or was it once?

I know the value of professional advice but actually you are the parents so your parents or dh's parents need to take a back seat.

[Italiangreyhound]

Can you meet without kids of stay overnight and havecab adult chat?

Reiterate the 'rules', add why these rules are in place and if you can add a concrete example do.

Eg for me I might have said in the first 6 months "ds had care from both birth parents, and extended family and then foster family. He's learning to love us and trust us buy hr is still not sure if we are going to disappear. So he really needs all main care to come from us etc.