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Foster to Adopt

(11 Posts)
LeneP Sun 14-Jan-18 17:34:59

Hi, What experience do people have with foster to adopt?
- how did you did you find the process?
- what age ranges were available?
- how were your work with it being unpredictable?
- best parts/worst parts?
Thanks so much smile xx

OP’s posts: |
Flower20166 Mon 15-Jan-18 23:39:28

Hi,
I’m approved to do foster to adopt but currently waiting to be matched so can’t give you my experience!
However I am also a foster carer, and until the placement order has been got you will be the babies foster carer, which means taking them to contact, attending lac reviews, placement planning meeting etc (they might do these with parents present, or separately).

What age are you hoping for?
I’m wanting newborn. The pros for this is bonding straight from birth, seeing all the firsts etc.
The negatives are you’re not going to be aware of health issues right off the bat, like you would be with an older child. Also the risk of baby being returned to birth family.x

Minnie881 Tue 16-Jan-18 16:38:44

We opted not to do it because of the risks around return to birth family which still exist with ‘normal adoption’ but much lower. Unfortunately a friend we made on the training was one of those rare cases where the child was returned to birth family and they are devastated. You certainly need to balance the pros cons and what they mean to you/ what is right for you. Good luck whichever you chose. You also need to bear in mind that it’s likely you will need to take the child to contact with their birth family until the adoption order is made which can be once, twice and up to five times a week I believe. It’s worth finding out more from your adoption team.

LeneP Tue 16-Jan-18 18:24:54

Thank you both.
We originally ruled f2a out and were thinking adopting 2yrs+ (as a lot of people want babies) but having done some further reading it sounds such a good thing to do that we are reconsidering. As you say, limiting the amount of moves.
It's tricky as with babies you won't be aware of the health issues, and with older children you have the question of trauma. I am gathering as much information as possible so appreciating the input from anyone who has had some experience.

OP’s posts: |
Flower20166 Tue 16-Jan-18 18:36:15

No problem. Don’t under estimate the effects of in utereo trauma either though..I think a lot of people assume that if you have a baby straight from birth that they will be fine but usually this isn’t the case.
They will though not experience as much trauma as an older child may have (older = more time to experience it).
It’s hard isn’t it? Good luck with the rest of your journey, you’ll have to keep in touch! X

tictoc76 Tue 16-Jan-18 21:00:32

We did foster to adopt with our last. Process is same as adoption process with a little extra. Work is hard because you don’t really get notice - luckily my work were used to me disappearing by then and I still had a job to return to 😂. The leave is same as adoption so they don’t really have a choice but to accept it but it is obviously difficult for them.

HAving our little one from so young has made a clear difference to him -our middle 2 were adopted at around 1 year old and they have so many more emotional difficulties due to their start in life - it’s amazing how much difference that year can make to a child.

On the less positive side we had to do contact with the birth family which was so hard, really confusing for our little one being dropped off at a contact centre and then going home with us again.

sunnymam Tue 16-Jan-18 22:41:59

I recently did FTA. With the LA it was only for very young babies. I picked my son up from the hospital at one day old. My work were very understanding as I took leave at short notice (only found out about him a couple of weeks before he was born and he was then born early) - so I guess it depends on your work. I had kept my line manager informed throughout the process and assessment.

Difficulties/worst parts:
- the unpredictability I found incredibly stressful and I would have been devastated if I had not gone on the adopt LO. I thought I was prepared and would cope with every scenario, in practice it was very different.
- complete lack of control and lack of rights during the court process. While I was in practice my LOs mother, this was not recognised (I knew this would be the case - but it was still hard to deal with).
- the many meetings (LAC reviews) and contact (I didn't have many and BM was fine and easy to get on with, I actually felt we were on the same page with regards to what we wanted for LO - however, the trips were still stressful and for most who do FTA they start with at least 2 or 3 contact meetings a week).

Positives/best parts:
- LO has only known one mother, he has had no moves or disruptions in care.
- I have had the privilege to mother a beautiful boy from birth
- Great attachment
- I know his birth mother, I also know his story and background well.
- having the fostering allowance was helpful (which you get while on adoption leave)

I am so glad I did FTA, but I don't think I could through it again - because of the uncertainties. If you do decide to do it keep your work informed (legislation has changed re: leave), but most importantly you need a really good support network who understand the process.

Good luck!

arielmanto Fri 19-Jan-18 09:58:11

I did a blog about our FtA experience which covers it more comprehensively than I'd be able to in this reply (I am supposed to be working .. grin ) becomingmumsblog.wordpress.com
We did FtA with a 6mo little girl who is now our lovely 2yo DD!

LeneP Fri 19-Jan-18 10:55:21

Thanks so much all. I really appreciate you sharing your experience x

OP’s posts: |
WrigglyNativity Sat 20-Jan-18 04:23:58

We did fta with our DS and we already had DD through the ‘normal’ route.

The overwhelming positive has been being having him from 3 months old, the bond has come far more quickly and easily for us all.

DD was almost 2, had been with a wonderful foster family from 3 days old and really struggled at first. She just wanted FC, and that meant it took a long time and a lot of hard work until she, and I, felt I was her mummy. She already had this fully formed little personality which we were trying to get to know and understand, whereas with DS (now 10 months) it’s all happening with us, which is so much easier for us all.

On the negative side, until the adoption order was granted I had a niggle that something would go wrong and we would have to say goodbye, however many times we were assured it was unlikely. We had to be very careful to safeguard DD, just in case. We looked into his case long and hard before taking the risk.
DS was relinquished which meant no contact visits which was positive, but I’m aware this is extremely unusual.
The fostering allowance on top of adoption pay was very handy too and has allowed me more time at home with him before I need to go back to work.

Going through the approval process for a second child we were clear that we’d consider fta but on a case by case basis as we had DD to consider (now almost 5).

Overall (and with the security of the adoption order under our belts!) I’m so glad we did it.
The children adore each other, and having a tiny baby come into her home has been so much easier on DD than an older child. She’s been able to help with things like nappy changes and feeding and feel really involved, and it’s brought out a lovely side of her.
So no regrets here smile

ceesadu18 Fri 26-Jan-18 20:58:05

@arielmanto will be following your blog with interest.

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