Got our initial visit tomorrow to discuss adoption and I’m bricking it...seriously, heart in the mouth, churning stomach, about to sit an exam nervous!
Just wondered if anyone has any pearls of wisdom? Tips? or advice on unexpected things that cropped up in your first visit and caught you off guard? We’ve been told to expect the visit to last up to 3 1/2 hours!!!
Don't worry about it, but do be prepared to talk about your 'journey to parenthood' - they'll ask why you want to adopt and get a feeling for your background - I was nervous about spilling our history and opening up old wounds, but the sw was so lovely.
They didn't look round our house on the initial visit but I did tidy up in anticipation! It's also your chance to ask questions, so think about what you'd like to know.
Most of all, it's a positive step and they're not trying to trip you up. Hope it goes well
Thank you so much! I must say that’s a bit of a worry for me too...I’m pretty open and comfortable talking about our history but occasionally I’m taken by surprise and get a bit emotional. I’ve been rehearsing the narrative in my head today to test for any sticky spots that might upset me.
Yes, the house has been cleaned from top to bottom...if they don’t ask to see upstairs I’ll be frogmarching them up there so it’s not wasted cleaning ;-)
I cleaned and tidied the first 3 visits, then we had a loft conversion start....! The mess, dirt, dust, tradesmen in and out the house constantly for 8 hours a day (when we would be having our meetings) meant there was no point in even hoovering! We even had to have a couple of meetings in the local coffee shop because of the banging and drilling noise! I was so glad when it was done, and our SW could see the end result and also see that we had done it to create more space for us and our future child.
It went okay I think I asked at the end if there was anything they saw as a potential barrier and they said the fact we have some debt and that I’ve had a period of depression in the past but that there are loads of positives that balance it out. They said it was a huge strength that we’d been so open about it. One was a little frosty at first but did thaw by the end!
They did look round the house so the cleaning was worth it! Was a bit worried as the dog whined a lot at first as we’d shut him in the kitchen and the frosty one kept looking disapproving initially but he soon settled and at the end she told me I didn’t need to be so nervous and said our spare room and garden were a great size for kids.
Just waiting to see if we’ll be sent out a ROI form 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼
Great, I guess different areas do things differently. We had already sent in the ROI before the visit. A bit like when you move house we are not looking too far ahead. Recommend The Adoption podcast series on BBC iPlayer.
Thanks topcat! I’ve subscribed to the podcast but don’t seem to have found a time to sit and listen to it. Think it’s because I tend to listen to podcasts in the car between visits at work as a bit of light relief. Due to the nature of my work i try and keep our adoption stuff separate. Will definitely give them a listen though! I’ve been reading a fab book called ‘how I met my son’ that a friend sent. I’d really recommend it. It appealed to my geekier side as it goes into detail about how modern adoption came to be. It’s less heavy going than a lot of the recommended reading.
Don't worry about any of the negatives - it is their job to bring them up, but they're looking at how you overcome these challenges - it makes you a stronger person, able to deal with difficulties and they're not looking for perfect people (do they even exist?!)
Thank you so much. I’m sure, as a lot of others here will understand, our journey to parenthood has been full of heartbreak and grief as we’ve struggled with recurrent pregnancy loss. It means I almost don’t dare to dream it might turn out okay! I should to allow myself a little bit of excitement so that’s something I’m working on. The outcome won’t chance whether I worry myself silly or not!