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Adopting and DPs medical history

(5 Posts)
Pattyandbump Tue 05-Dec-17 22:24:13


DP and I are in our 30s and due to infertility problems we're hoping to adopt.

We have no other DC and earn 100k plus so should be able to afford a comfortable life for prospective DC.

Before we make any applications to adopt, I'd appreciate some advice.

Around 5 years ago DP suffered from depression and had a moment of madness in which he stole cocaine from his then housemate and had a one night binge. He confided in his doctor about what had happened so it's likely to be on his medical record.

He's not proud of it and hasn't touched the stuff since. Depression is also much better and we think it was probably caused by a toxic environment at the time.

Will this all be taken into consideration if we wanted to adopt and if so, do you think we'd be wasting our time even considering adoption?

SugarPlumLairy Wed 06-Dec-17 00:01:51

I have a history of depression and admitted to trying cannabis and cocaine in my teens (experimenting, ever a habit), it was disclosed, as part of the checks involves going through your medical history.
My upbringing was toxic, not closeto my family and it all comes out in the process.

Having said that... part of the discussions when evaluating us was how would you deal with a child's emotional/mental health issues? And it felt beneficial to say I understood the pain depression, poor parenting, anxiety etc and the need to seek help, not stigmatise it etc.

Real life experience can be a bonus. I felt it gave me valuable insight into I what a child of adoption might go through.
Don't be embarrassed or ashamed. Own it, your experiences make you more able to understand and help guide a young life.
Please don't be put off.

We have a beautiful daughter now, despite my history, it was the best thing we ever did. I wish you every success x

Pattyandbump Wed 06-Dec-17 00:11:14

Thank you so much SugarPlum.

JustHappy3 Wed 06-Dec-17 08:14:10

Everything Sugarplum says is exactly right. They don't want perfect people who have never struggled with anything - they do want people who understand loss, shame and people who can ask for help when needed.
The only thing i would say is that earning 100k is not that much of a plus point. Being solvent and organised is. And one of you needs to be prepared to give up work for a few years if the child needs it. Can you run the household on 1 salary? Will you love your child if s/he doesn't have the same income potential? (We got really grilled on this.)

Pattyandbump Wed 06-Dec-17 08:33:54

JustHappy3 I'd be s SAHM for the first few years. My DP is the high earner so we could afford to do this.

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