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Hurt by this?

(4 Posts)
hidinginthenightgarden Mon 04-Dec-17 18:18:30

DD has been home a year and is 2.
MIL watched her one day last week and also picked DS up from school.
She told me today that in the playground last week DD wandered off to play on some equipment where another child was playing and that the mum (who had been speaking to another mum) stopped talking and said "one minute, I have to watch her with X, she is a little bully".
DD is not a bully. She is a 2 yr old who is behind on her speech and communication and is doing her best.
DD has never bullied her son. Sometimes they both want to play with the same toy hanging round the playground and if the boy gets to it first she tends to hover around him hoping he will give it her. She has tried to take it from him once or twice but is always told no and offered something else.
I am hurt that they have said presumably thinking no one could hear them. They don't know the circumstances surrounding her start in life or even that she is adopted but even if they did I feel hurt by what they have said.
Even more frustrating is that mil has a tendency to exaggerate things and so it is very possible this mum said something closer to "oh I best watch these two" etc. This makes it worse as I am both confused and hurt. Either mums are labelling my child or my MIL is making things up that are clearly going to be upsetting at some level for me to hear.
Not sure what I am gaining from this post other than a moan someone other than at DH.

donquixotedelamancha Mon 04-Dec-17 18:38:20

Absolutely not worth your headspace. Anyone who would say that about a 2yo is an idiot. It's not a valid analysis of toddler behaviour. If she's being too boisterous then it's the responsibility of whoever is supervising her.

Your MiL should not have passed on such an ill judged comment. If it's the case that your MiL a bit dramatic and negative then you just need to learn to take what she says with a pinch of salt.

What you can do:
1. Watch your DD. If she's too pushy then hover around a bit and correct her. She'll get there in the end. Do remember that they need some room to explore and interact though- you don't need to step in unless it's a clear problem.

2. Next time, reply to your MiL: " What did you say when she was so rude?". When she says nothing, point out that it's odd to feel that the comment was not worth challenging but is worth passing on. Then ask MiL to supervise more carefully next time because DD is 'fine for you' :-)

P.S. DD1 and 2 both started as you describe. DD2 is the same age as yours and is catching up. DD1 is 4 and is now ahead of the curve. Parenting makes a big difference and you will notice how fast she learns over the next year.

Iamthestorm Mon 04-Dec-17 19:14:58

Some people are just spiteful and are just so cowardly the only people they can take their misery out on are toddlers.

I'd let it go and move on, safe in the knowledge that your dd has you and they will always be them. No toddler gets this stuff till they learn.

hidinginthenightgarden Mon 04-Dec-17 19:17:38

I parent exactly in the way you say. I stand back and watch and only step in when she is getting too close with the hovering or clearly bothering the other child.
MIL claims she responded with "don't worry love, DD can take care of her self". She also claims everyone laughed. This is what makes me wonder if MIL is embellishing. If it had been me that had overheard I would have responded more like "DD is not a bully she is a 2 yr old learning social boundaries," or something similar. I don't think MIL response if true makes any sense! In fact if anything, it sounds a little like she is agreeing DD is a bully.

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