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Adopting if you have a birth child with special needs

(2 Posts)
puglady2016 Sat 11-Nov-17 15:44:47

We have a birth child aged 12 who has ASD, ADHD and learning difficulties. He goes to a weekly boarding school as there is no provision locally that is suitable. On the whole, he is a very loving boy and will accept change and has embraced his Dad’s 2 children (we are divorced).

I cannot carry a baby due to medical reasons. Hence, we are looking into adoption. We are fairly flexible re ages and would consider a sibling group of up to 2. We totally recognise that adopted children will most likely have additional needs but we do not want to actively look to adopt a special needs child as my son has special needs and I have fundamental concerns about lack of specialist education in our area. I am also a bit worried social services would try and make us adopt SEN children due to our experience of parenting a child with SEN?

I would like some advice on how others have found birth children coped with adoption ? And likewise how adopted child coped with a sibling with SEN? How likely are we to encounter problems and what sort of issues and do sibling groups sometimes have less In the way of additional needs ? In a way my son is used to children who have the sort of issues some adopted children may have as at his school there are children with attachment disorder for example and it takes children with ASD and behavioural issues although my son falls into the ASD category not behavioural and he can get distressed by disruptive behaviour of other children.

Sorry if I sound naive but I am aware of the potential issues and want to be sure we can cope and hence just wanted to get some perspectives on it and others experiences.

hidinginthenightgarden Sat 11-Nov-17 17:12:56

Well, I think the fact that you have experience with ADHD/ASD will go in your favour as you have experience with difficult behaviours.
I think I would be concerned that your son will struggle accepting new children in his house when he is sent away to school and likewise, other children may treat your son as second best as they are in the home all the time and he is just around for weekends.
All children will come with SOME issues, even if they haven't got a label for them. Our SW though, said they were actively looking for a child with low risk of such issues to reduce the impact on our son (DS has no SEN).

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