Therapy - I need your help

[exhaustedmumofone]

Regular poster, this is my desperate ( hopefully non identifiable) username.

AD been with me for 11 years, she's 13 now. We've had long term issues with stealing, lying, everyday defiance from day 1 - all control issues whose origin I'm fully educated about. Things settled down a few years ago and we do have a loving, trusting and close relationship most of the time.

However as the dreaded adolescence and hormones have kicked in the controlling behaviours have ramped up again during the last year. She's been stealing, lying and defying on an industrial scale for a year now and it's getting serious insofar as we've had to have police involvement.

She's been having art therapy via the ASF for the last year, I too am paying privately for therapy specifically regarding the parenting of a traumatised child.

The art therapy has been really helpful for dealing with issues around birth family, identity, abandonment, being an adopted child. But it's not helping with the controlling behaviours.

Can any of you point me in the direction of any particular school of therapeutic intervention that could help with these very common adopted children issues? We have good adoption support through the local authority but I need to identify exactly what resource might be most helpful in terms of further applications to the ASF.

[B1rdonawire]

I continue to hear positive things from people who've had Non-violent resistance training (NVR) when parenting highly challenging children who have a survival need to control: theadoptionsocial.com/tag/non-violent-resistance/

[exhaustedmumofone]

Thank you B1rd. I've had a quick look at some articles on this and it looks interesting.

[Bitchfromhell]

Wilderness therapy has excellent reviews in America and is commonly used with troubled adolescents. There are programs in the UK but they are pricey and consist of time away from the family which I'm guessing is not what you want. Might be worth a read though.

I know of a Child Psychologist who advocates the use of play therapy with older children. Might be worth a bit of research.

Also, I don't know if you're familiar with Sarah Naish see website but they do a selection of courses centred around therapeutic parenting and the PACE model. There are several courses for parenting adolescents.
This training group is highly recommended by our la.

[exhaustedmumofone]

Thanks Bitch. I'm looking into your recommendations.

[NotMeNoNo]

The ASF now has a separate package for assessment by an expert ie psychologist not just social workers. It's £2.5k IIRC. Can you access this and get expert input? I was very impressed by the report on DS especially compared to the meaningless waffle from CAMHS.

[NotMeNoNo]

Also the best way we have accessed therapy is recommendations from local friends or other therapists.

[Jellycatspyjamas]

Research shows the modality of the therapist is secondary to the quality of the relationship between client and therapist in terms of effectiveness. I'd echo the suggestion that you get some local recommendations for therapists who have experience in working with young people.

[daisysue2]

Have you contacts Barnardos Link as they have good services with AFT through the adoption support fund. Very limited availability of therapists though. Which area are you in? Do contact they as they have so much support and therapy available to families. They are very good at supporting adopted families in crisis. They will also have list of adoption registered therapist. Who specialise in this adoption rather than just in attachment and behavioural issues..

[exhaustedmumofone]

Hi, thank you all of you who have taken time to post, much appreciated.

Notme I don't know any local adopters but am emailing many organisations to try and find local practitioners/therapists.

Jelly yes I get you. My AC has an excellent relationship with the current therapist but, as AC is blocking, the current therapist doesn't have the framework to approach in an alternative way, sadly as she's lovely and does get us.

Daisysue that's another avenue I might follow, thank you for the pointer.

I'm thinking, having done a bit of research, that Non-violent resistance (NVR) might be really useful. Thank you B1rd.

Do any of you have experience of using NVR for your adopted or fostered children?

[sparklymarion]

I have we have mandatory training in regards to this although I must admit some times it feels as though it is just a rocky box excersize.

The main thing I have come away from it with is .. identifying a crisis point and early intervention, so for instance if you have a teenager who is
Moody on a morning try to think of ways to avoid conflict and possibly
Help her/him get ready the precious night all of this is easier said than done and I'm sure as everyone would tell you on here and you will have learnt from your experience your self it's picking your battles isn't it. (May be the wrong use of word) just that's sometimes how it feels
X

[sparklymarion]

Ticky box exercise ...