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Setting up a singles lounge for those of us adopting on our own - come join me!

(193 Posts)
FoldedAndUnfoldedAndUnfolding Sun 03-Sep-17 13:23:35

I'm a single (wannabe) adopter, with a 5yo birth child, currently wading through the marshes of Stage 1. Are there any other singletons going through the approval process at the moment who would be interested in going through the process together? I'm utterly terrified and ridiculously excited at the same time, but there's no one going through this process with me so I need somewhere to vent or I'll burst! Am I the only one?

AdventureBegins Sun 03-Sep-17 22:38:22

I'm a single wannabe adopter too. Just at end of stage 2, waiting for panel and starting to look on link maker. Know what you mean about bursting:-). Am trying very hard not to talk about it all the time but I'm thinking about it all the time and don't have anyone at home to go through it with.

FoldedAndUnfoldedAndUnfolding Tue 05-Sep-17 19:07:47

Good luck for panel! How far away is your panel date?

It's so encouraging to hear that you've made it so far, what's been the hardest bit so far? What's been the best bit?

Oh and when did you get access to link maker?! So far I'm just focusing on getting through to approval, I can't begin to imagine actually going through profiles! Is it exciting? Sad? Do you just want to take them all home?!

Please feel free to release all the pent up chat here - I'm interested in it all! Adoption is all I'm thinking about as well!

exercisejunkie Wed 06-Sep-17 20:09:17

Hi,single adopter here too, panel next week!

sunnymam Thu 07-Sep-17 10:47:53

Hi, I'm a single adopter - went through the process last year, approved in December and my beautiful baby boy came to me in Feb. Best thing I've ever done. Happy to discuss my experience if it would be helpful.
Good luck all of you in the process xx

Kewcumber Thu 07-Sep-17 20:31:52

I'm a single adopter but a bit long in the tooth to be of much practical help... DS started secondary cshool this week!

FoldedAndUnfoldedAndUnfolding Thu 07-Sep-17 23:53:13

Good luck Exercise! Are you super nervous? Or feeling confident? Keeping my fingers crossed for you, although I'm sure you don't need it!

Sunny thank you for stopping by! Always lovely to hear a good news story from a veteran! I would LOVE to hear about your experiences! Especially anything that surprised you (good or bad!)

I have my Stage 1 training course next week and I'm trying to brace myself. Ultimately I'm expecting a lot of focus on challenges and difficulties, and very little positive encouragement. I'm also a bit worried about sticking out like a sore thumb as the only single adopter on my own in the room. How was everyone else's experience of the training courses? Was anyone else on their own in yours?

FoldedAndUnfoldedAndUnfolding Thu 07-Sep-17 23:57:09

Hi Kew! Sorry I typed my post hours ago and only just had a chance to hit post, so I missed your message. You are a legend among Mumsnet Adoption posters, so I feel honoured to have you on my humble thread! Any tips you can share would be fantastic! I'm not even sure what to ask you, I feel like I know so little about every phase (despite having acquired a small library of books already!)

exercisejunkie Fri 08-Sep-17 05:30:07

Hi! I wouldn't say I'm confident but I'm gong with the thought that my SW would be taking me to panel if there were concerns so feeling ok. Just want it to be done now! More exciting things are happening after - we have a matching meeting soon after and matching panel so that could all fall apart if this goes wrong, but like I say, I shouldn't be going to panel unless it's ok. (That's what I keep telling myself!)

exercisejunkie Fri 08-Sep-17 05:34:08

Folded - re the training, my LA put me on the same training path as another single adopter who lives locally so we lift shared and got to know each other quite well, we're now good friends and have met a few other single adopters where we live.

The training is thought provoking, it's designed to really prepare you and tell you the worst case scenario - I had a tension headache though all of it from feeling anxious, I got through it though.

Kewcumber Fri 08-Sep-17 08:41:13

You are a legend among Mumsnet Adoption posters shock when did that happen! shock would someone please explan this to my child.

FoldedAndUnfoldedAndUnfolding Fri 08-Sep-17 12:47:36

Exercise - that sounds so exciting! How fantastic that you have a matching meeting provisionally lined up already. Do you know much about the child yet? (I'm not asking for details! Just whether you've been given anything?) Or have you just been told there's a child they're considering for you? I agree your SW must feel very confident about your approval panel if she's already setting up matching meetings - still keeping my fingers crossed for you though!

Your description of the training course sounds pretty much like what I've been dreading expecting. I can see I'm going to need a medicinal wine and a good vent to a friend afterwards!

Kew - of COURSE you're a legend! Whenever you find an interesting thread in this forum, there's always some really on point and helpful advice from you somewhere on it! You can tell your DC you're a mumsnet celebrity grin

exercisejunkie Fri 08-Sep-17 13:44:31

Hi folded, my possible match is via linkmaker, I was sent an email from a family finder, yes I do know quite a lot and have actually met the child too, you get to see the CPR child's permanence report, which details the history and information etc, the family minder and social worker for the child have visited me and home and agree it's a good possible match.

Allgrownup3 Fri 08-Sep-17 17:20:58

Hi everyone. I'm a single adopter too. I'm midway into my stage two. Hoping to go to my approval panel at the end of November.

exercisejunkie Fri 08-Sep-17 17:39:57

Amazing! There's so many of us! I know a few in my area too! It's an empowering thing to do isn't it? (Remind me of that when I'm sleep deprived and tearing my hair out!!

FoldedAndUnfoldedAndUnfolding Sat 09-Sep-17 12:05:24

I'm so glad to connect with other single adopters! Until this thread I didn't know ANY! I was inspired by one of Exercise's earlier posts and I asked my SW if there are any single adopters near me I could connect with. She referred me to Cornerstone mentoring? Does anyone have any experience with them? She also said there's a single adopter on my course next week; YAY!

Exercise that sounds so exciting! How do you stop yourself from becoming too emotionally invested?! Or is that just impossible?!

Welcome All! How are you finding stage 2?

PoppyStellar Sat 09-Sep-17 13:23:55

Another single adopter here, a good number of years post placement but happy to help with any questions.

Fwiw I remember being worried I'd be the only single adopter on the training stage and it turned out there were 3 of us. I still keep in touch with one of them. Have subsequently met several others via local adoption uk events and LA adoption events.

Iamthestorm Sat 09-Sep-17 20:13:50

I'm a single adopter, did fta and have a beautiful baby-who has been with me since a day old - fast asleep upstairs. I've never met another singly, and fta has been so hard, but wouldn't change my life for the world. Good luck to you all.

Allgrownup3 Sat 09-Sep-17 22:27:07

@Iamthestorm ahh well done you. How old is baby now?

FoldedAndUnfoldedAndUnfolding Sun 10-Sep-17 13:41:35

Hi Poppy and Iam! Welcome welcome!

Thankyou for the support Poppy! What is the main thing you've learnt since adopting that you wish you'd known before you started the process?

FTA sounds incredibly stressful Iam! How wonderful to have such an early bond with your DC though. Well done for getting through the tough bits. How old is your DC now?

All, how are you finding Stage 2? Is it going smoothly? What is your SW like?

I've got a couple of important job interview type meetings coming up next week, but all I can think about is my upcoming SW visit and training course! This is all-consuming!!

Allgrownup3 Sun 10-Sep-17 14:06:31

Hi @FoldedAndUnfoldedAndUnfolding and everyone. I'm currently in stage two. It's not as stressful as I thought. It's best to be open on your workbook then there will be no surprises.
My SW is lovely we get on well. One minute I feel like I can't wait to have a baby then the next minute I feel like I'm making a huge mistake. I'm always questioning myself as to whether I'm good enough to be accepted. Only time will tell confused

FoldedAndUnfoldedAndUnfolding Sun 10-Sep-17 17:49:51

Hi All. Your post certainly rings a few bells for me, I'm constantly questioning myself as well! On the one hand I have a BC and even with an unexpected divorce arriving when she was only 5mo I somehow managed to cope - so part of me believes you rise to match the size of the challenge. Then other times, like this morning, my puppy will have an accident while I'm "debating" the merits of eating breakfast with my 5yo and I'm desperately trying to get out everyone out the door on time... that's when I think I'm insane! There's no way I could handle a second, younger, child!

In my more stressful moments I think, worst case, I could put matching on hold for a few months after approval. At least, I assume you can? I don't want to delay approval because I'm hoping I'll have got the doubts under control by then!

Allgrownup3 Sun 10-Sep-17 18:45:01

I am so excited. I already have a daughter who is 14. It's just little things like I can get up and go. Lol When I question myself I think whyyyyy? Then the nervous hits me again. Today I have spent the day relaxing in bed. Who knows this time next year I will not know the word relax 😁.

PoppyStellar Sun 10-Sep-17 21:47:59

Folded I think there are two main things that I wish I'd known either more about or known that I should give them greater importance.

1. self care - making and taking time to do things for you as an adult. I had good intentions but it was only when me and DD recently went through a really difficult patch that I realised how much I'd let things slip in terms of doing anything that was just for me.

2. That it was ok (in fact beneficial) to ignore the well intentioned advice from friends with non adopted children / clueless professionals like my health visitor, about how to deal with challenging behaviour. For my DD who in the grand scheme of things isn't a particularly challenging or disruptive child many of the standard parenting behaviour strategies just made things worse. Whilst I knew this from the training it was very easy to forget it when in the throes of real life.

On a positive note, the best thing is that being a single adoptive parent is hugely enjoyable. I can't imagine life without DD and I struggle to remember life without her. It feels like she's always been part of me. Becoming her mum is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and i think (hope / am fairly sure at the moment!) she feels the same.

GingerAndTheBiscuits Sun 10-Sep-17 21:52:22

Not a single adopter but if you are on Twitter a poster called mumdrah has set up a list for single adopters

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