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Looking for advice from adopters who also have BC

(10 Posts)
ChoccyJules Thu 03-Aug-17 00:05:52

We're a couple of months into placement and I've been putting this off for a while but here we go. No real details here because, well, because. If anyone has any sage advice or practical tips for the early days, for when a BC is struggling with the reality of the new addition to the family, please do pop them here or PM me. Thank you oh wise people who have gone before me winkcake

OP’s posts: |
JustHappy3 Thu 03-Aug-17 09:13:58

Something i found helpful was to hold firmly in my mind how i'd comforted at least 2 friends at my kitchen table sobbing how they were letting their first born down cos the new baby was taking all the time and attention and their 1st dc was acting up. So all children go through some upheaval to some extent - and survive.
But of course adoption has its own complications. A few things we did:
Movie nights when ad was in bed. Duvet on the couch - lots of cuddling with bc in between us.
DH slept with bc at night while i was comforting ad. (BC has a 3/4 bed which makes this possible.)
Put a stairgate on bc's room to keep ad out. That's his space.

luckylucky24 Thu 03-Aug-17 13:00:59

Make sure you make some time just for them. I made sure when DD was asleep I did something with him one on one like play games read stories.
We did bedtime and asked everynight if he had any feelings/worries he wanted to talk about. Told him we loved him all the time. Praised him for being a good big brother.
Took him out for a half day at weekends with one parent for more time for him.

lookatthestars Fri 04-Aug-17 16:33:14

There are some great resources that can really help birth children. Has your social worker lent you any story books about adoption for you to read with your child?

Alljamissweet Fri 04-Aug-17 18:46:49

There is a book called "Am I supposed to feel like this" by Elizabeth Archer available on Amazon, aimed at birth children who have a newly placed family member. Xxx

Sunshinelollipopsandheavyrain Fri 04-Aug-17 22:51:45

My best advice is make lots of time just for them. Have a look at love bombing ideas on google too. We were lucky that our BC was very young when AC was placed so no major problems but now they're older I find I really need to make time for my BC as the AC takes up all my time, energy and head space.

Italiangreyhound Sat 05-Aug-17 22:10:48

Take older child out for milkshake/Slush Puppy/dessert/hot chocolate in the evening after dinner when younger one is in bed.

Find something pottery/craft/a TV programme they can enjoy together.

ChoccyJules Sun 06-Aug-17 13:47:27

Maybe it's just going to be a time thing. I say that because it feels like we're doing much of this already. Golden hour after AC in bed, cafe with Mum every weekend, got the book (and others) mentioned above. It's now starting to be noticed by AC that BC is having extra time/treats etc...argh.

OP’s posts: |
ChoccyJules Sun 06-Aug-17 13:48:12

I will look at 'love bombing' thanks.

OP’s posts: |
Italiangreyhound Sun 06-Aug-17 19:53:36

How old (roughly) are kids?

Do plenty of family friendly things like swimming but I'd also take little one swimming with just mum as their treat while older one does something with dad.

I'd also say do not pass on things to younger child from older without permission from older child.

Do not force older child into role of good big sis.

We had massive amounts of trouble. Pm me of you like.

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