Inappropriate hugs?

[SprigofRosemary]

I'm a lurker but I'm feeling very anxious tonight so need some reassurance.
My little boy is 2 1/2 and we have had him since he was 8months old. I won't go into details but he does not have neglect in his past. I'm not an idiot, obviously I know neglect occurs before birth but I'm trying to keep this simple and I am not sharing all the details of his history on here.
We have had no problems, we are a great match. He became part of us very quickly and attachment has actually gone very well (or has it?)

Examples of how it has gone well:

• he looks to us for comfort and let's us comfort him, often his tears stop within minutes of us holding him.
  

-evey morning he asks where mummy/daddy is depending on who gets him up!
-he likes us! He plays with us, shows us new things, looks for our approval.
-he isn't afraid to have a perfectly normal 2yr old tantrum with us.
-he gives us beautiful cuddles now, long cuddles that we both adore. This is when he is happy or sad, he just loves a cuddle!
-when he is upset, he will reject other family members and look for us

My one concern is he likes to hug people he has just met within 10mins of meeting them. I've observed this closely and it doesn't happen with random strangers in the supermarket. It happens with my friends, some of which he has only just met or not seen for months, within 10mins of meeting them. He will need a hug and be really quite persistent! After discussing this with family who look after him, he apparently only does this around me! They tell me that although he is friendly and sociable he does not go in for hugs with people at playgroup etc. Last week, he hugged a mum I had only just met and my mother told me that he knows that mum and has never gone in to hug her before! My friends have suggested that perhaps he takes me talking to someone as his cue that they must be ok. He also seems to do it when I'm having a conversation and he isn't the centre of attention so I wonder if it may be a way of getting attention. He has learnt quickly the positive ways to get attention. Perhaps he sees my reaction?

I'm scaring myself half silly with attachment disorders but from my research he just doesn't fit the diagnosis in other areas. He is a very happy, sociable little boy who eats, sleeps and learns well. I'm so proud of him and us!

However it is worrying me and I have no adopters to talk to. I have now made a rule that only family get hugs and will gently steer him away from friends etc. I know friends will be supportive but I also don't want to give him a complex!
Any advice? I feel like I'm doing a shit job tonight.

[user1494670108]

Slightly different but my ds hugged all and sundry at that age, the big issue seller & the gas man were two of his most infamous ones. It took a long time for him to mature enough not to do it. He's almost 10 now and is still very tactile, I think he always will be.
I don't think it's uncommon.

[Alexandra87]

Do you hug your friends when you greet them? Could be he's just copying?

[SprigofRosemary]

Good point Alexandra, I do hug them but the mum last week I was meeting for the first time so no hugs for that one!

[Jellycatspyjamas]

If he's used to seeing you hug other people, he'll copy with everyone so it won't matter much if you don't hug that particular person, he'll just wonder why you aren't greeting her the way do everyone else.

Could you set up a "this is how we say hello and goodbye" routine. He might just feel left out of all the hugging.

[gabsdot]

My DD, (aged10) is often very over familiar with people but it'll always be people that we know, someone she has seen me be friendly with already.
We had a family event last weekend and she latched on to one of my cousins and then later on one of my aunts. She is a bit full on but there is no attachment issue, it's just her personality.

[SprigofRosemary]

Can any of you tell me if your children are adopted? I think I would be worrying less if he was my biological child. I'm feeling a bit better today

[Jellycatspyjamas]

My two are, I'm also a children and families social worker. There's nothing that screams attachment disorder in what you've described so unless there are things happening that you've not mentioned, I'd look for it being a bit of a phase or fit some kind of learned behaviour/social norm type stuff.

[SprigofRosemary]

Thanks Jellycat, I feel I over anxious! I think google can sometimes be a worst enemy

[TripleB32]

Hi Sprig,
I have a very similar issue! I was pleased to see your post this morning. Although I don't have any advice i'm afraid.
My youngest AS is 3.5 and I would describe him in exactly the way you have your son.
We were talking just last night about how we need to, when out and about with others, be very clear on who he can hug or hold hands with. He is very tactile with us, and I hope that it's just his nature but I can definitely empathise with the worry. xx

[SprigofRosemary]

Thanks Triple, yes we are a very tactile family and I think she does see it as a way of saying hello!

[donquixotedelamancha]

DD1 did this at that age (she's adopted). Her cousins do (not adopted). A random kid hugged me in the soft play yesterday. I think its pretty common.

At 3 we've started directing DD1's affection- talking to her about who she really does 'love' and stopping her when she just runs up to adults for hugs; but we allow it with children and she seems to be getting better without needing to be too forceful.

[SprigofRosemary]

Thank you, I feel much better! Today he hugged the gnome in my garden, the plant I told him to be gentle with and the plastic animals in the garden centre

[farfallarocks]

My dd did this and she was not adopted. Hugged everyone including delivery men, often at crotch level! We had t work on hugs are for friends type chat.