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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Adoption

Intros - please tell me I'm not alone...

30 replies

Jellycatspyjamas · 29/07/2017 08:18

Day 4 of intros and my DC are the most beautiful things I've ever seen, they're funny and fun and high energy. But I'm knackered, feeling very wobbly and wondering why in hell I thought it was a good idea to turn my life on its head. Please tell me this is just par for the course and I'll feel better once we're all in my own home.

OP posts:

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flapjackfairy · 29/07/2017 09:53

It sounds v normal judging by some of the threads on here and also on adop uk.
If you do a search on their forum you will find lots of helpful experiences and advice .
We adopted our fc but he was placed with the plan of approving us if the placement order went through.
We have 3 (mostly) grown birth kids and have a long term fc and fostered for 12 yrs but even with all that i still had a few panicky moments and wondered what the hell we were doing ! So yes it is to be expected as everything is so intense at first.
2yrs on and we couldnt be happier. It all began to settle once little one had been with us a few months and we all absolutely love and adore him and wouldnt change him for the world so hang in there . X

Starfishbanana101 · 29/07/2017 11:51

Normal I think. We didn't have any wobbles about whether we were doing the right thing as such but the enormity of it certainly hit like a ton of bricks at points. It's also very hard being in someone else's home. We felt tons better once we were in our home and could settle, relax and just enjoy.

How long is your intro plan?

AngelsWithSilverWings · 29/07/2017 11:58

Very normal to feel like this. The introduction period is very very hard. Lots of different emotions and it is physically tiring especially if you have to travel between visits. Just take each day one at a time and try to relax and rest as much as possible when you are not with the DC. Congratulations

tldr · 29/07/2017 12:04

Totally normal - I hated every second for about three months. Getting them home is just differently awful. BUT, it'll be fine, you'll get there, one day you'll wake up and wonder how you ever lived without them.

Be kind to yourself, don't do anything you don't need to, take one day at a time, get as much sleep as you can etc etc etc.

because I remember well how awful it was. because you'll need it. 😀

Emillee · 29/07/2017 14:27

Getting them home is just differently awful. BUT, it'll be fine, you'll get there, one day

This (although a bit better as at least you're in familiar surroundings).

Be kind to yourself, don't do anything you don't need to, take one day at a time, get as much sleep as you can etc etc etc.

And this.

Monkeybrains2017 · 29/07/2017 17:46

did intros in June so still relatively fresh in my mind. Happy to chat if you want to but I think it's totally normal!

Jellycatspyjamas · 29/07/2017 19:46

Well we survived today in one piece, we've got a short day tomorrow and travel home then they come to us on Tuesday, finally moving in at the end of the week. I think a combination of tiredness, emotion and feeling a bit out of my depth is making me wobble at the moment. Such a difficult bloody process.

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user1471555041 · 29/07/2017 19:49

Not sure if your staying away from home but I found that very difficult. After physically and emotionally draining days all I wanted was to be in my own bed with my own things around me. It is a very stressful part of the process but will soon be forgotten when your all home together. Take care of yourselves x

Jellycatspyjamas · 29/07/2017 20:01

We are away from home and yes I'm finding that very difficult - my phone signal is unreliable too so I can't contact the folk I usually would for support either. I really do just want my own bed.

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user1471555041 · 29/07/2017 20:30

Enjoy tomorrow with your children and then you will be heading home and you can look forward to them joining you on Tuesday. It is quite isolating, once your home you can contact your friends and everything will feel much better

tictoc76 · 29/07/2017 21:35

Completely normal thoughts - intros are so hard because they don't feel real.

Curlywurlyplease · 29/07/2017 22:09

It's normal, well for us it was. It's emotional, tiring and overwhelming. We knew we wee doing the right thing though we are so happy 2 years on. Good luck x

Rainatnight · 29/07/2017 23:07

It's totally normal.

Look after yourself.

Jellycatspyjamas · 30/07/2017 09:03

Thank you, we agreed a bit of a later start with the foster carers this morning - they've been fabulous with us and the DC. I do know we're doing the right thing for us and the kids but it's hard when you see how attached they are to the foster carers - for lots of reasons this move will be good for them but the transition is going to be hard for all of us.

Being able to just write down somewhere that it's hard going has helped. And a long bath and a quiet g&t will also help when I'm home.

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Pixey53 · 31/07/2017 13:38

Hi. I'm in to my 5th week of my children living with me. 7 weeks since first meeting. Everything sounds very normal. I even got a cold during it from my 2 l.

TripleB32 · 31/07/2017 13:50

Totally normal! I really did not enjoy intros. We felt exhausted at the end of each day, and began dreading each morning.
We were eager to get home as we knew that although it would continue to be hard, it would be in our own surroundings.
Good luck. It's likely not to get easier for a while, but it will get easier. We're a week shy of our year marker with our children and I couldn't be without them. Life is hard and tiring, but funny and rewarding. xx

Jellycatspyjamas · 31/07/2017 16:59

We're having a "rest day" today but it's actually more like meltdown day - it really catches up with you. I'm happier being at home though, I don't expect it to get easier as such but being in my own surroundings is better and I've got people around that I can cry with.

Oh and our fridge, washing machine and tumble drier all broke while we were away - looks like a power surge during a thunderstorm did for them, because what we need the day before our kids arrive - and after being away from home for a week is to be replacing fucking white goods.

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Rainatnight · 31/07/2017 17:02

Oh Jesus. How a nightmare. Can you throw money at the problem and get one of those companies who'll install the new stuff and take away the old?

Rainatnight · 31/07/2017 17:03

WHAT a nightmare that was meant to say. I can't type today

CheeseAtFourpence · 31/07/2017 19:40

Intros were one of the toughest things I've done - we got to the point where we literally couldn't talk, we were that tired. And that was us staying at home, travelling for up to an hour each way.

Bringing DD home was tougher - I struggled enormously, so would add to the advice to take one day at a time, be kind to yourself and ask for help if you need it.

Jellycatspyjamas · 31/07/2017 23:06

That's exactly what we've done rainatnight - we were sitting at 4.00am unable to sleep ordering new white goods - they arrive tomorrow and the company will be installing and taking away the old ones. And leaving the boxes to make forts and dens with.

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Rainatnight · 01/08/2017 09:37

Glad you're getting it sorted. We had so much to do to the house before DD arrived. In particular, we had no storage, and I remember a slight nervous breakdown the day before intros when a company that shall remain nameless (Dwell) delivered some cupboards that we'd paid for unpacking and installation, by just dumping them fully boxed in the middle of the living room and running. (A workman let them in, we weren't there).

I actually cried.

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Jellycatspyjamas · 01/08/2017 10:23

Well we have a bit of that too - a garden she'd was supposed to be delivered and built while we were away, we came home to find it in bits in the back garden - where it still lies because they can't come and sort it til the weekend. And it looks like our new fridge etc will arrive pretty much at the same time as our kids today. Seriously, we were organised and planned and it's all fallen at the final hurdle. nothing to be done about it now - we'll just need to take it as it comes.

I met a friend for coffee yesterday and cried for 2 hours on and off - best thing I could have done!

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Rainatnight · 01/08/2017 15:38

I know, the logistical stuff on top of the stress of intros is just all too much. Crying on a good friend sounds like a great way to deal with it.

tldr · 01/08/2017 22:25

Our kids had been home about a month when our electrics all bust and for a few weeks we had to run the whole house using extension cords from the kitchen. That was fun.

You'll get through it. And you'll probably never have such a hard week again.

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