DD has always had issues with sleep. I have had loads of advice from lovely people on this board and have tried pretty much everything. We had got to a relatively tolerable point where I stayed with her til she fell asleep in her room (this usually took 20-30 mins after stories, cuddles etc) and she had an 'emergency bed' in my room which she would come in to in the middle of the night when she woke up. This was most nights and for the last twelve months was practically every night.
However, over the last 9 months or so issues at bedtime have got progressively worse. She would throw complete tantrums once upstairs, hurl herself across the bed, scream shout etc, and this coincided with wanting to know lots more about her birth parents and why they couldn't look after her. This was something she only wanted to know about at bedtime. She would get really upset and say that she didn't want to feel like this and she didn't why she was so angry. We did lots of talking and life story work during daytime hours but this didn't really seem to help.
I got in touch with LA post adoption support last year and eventually they arranged DDP which we have just started (now a few weeks in). She is seeing the therapist for the second time next week. When I tell DD things will get better she says they won't and she doesn't believe anything can change. Things seemed to come to a bit of a head a few weeks ago when she starting banging her head at bedtime saying she didn't want to feel like this and she wanted to get rid of these thoughts. Ever since then bedtimes have become more and more horrendous. It is taking between 1-3hours to get her off to sleep. During this time she has tantrums, stresses herself out totally about not wanting to close her eyes, never being able to sleep, wants me physically close but pushes me away quite firmly when I try. Then comes back for closeness when she's a bit calmer. Bedtimes are utterly exhausting. I moved her bed out of her room and into mine so she's physically right next to me. She eventually drifts off holding my hand or hugging me. I feel so sorry for her because she does not want to be this little ball of rage she becomes at bedtime. I feel sorry for myself because I'm a lone parent, I'm bloody knackered and I don't know what else to do.
She's such a sweet, kind hearted and amazing child the rest of the time. I wish I could scoop all the anger out and throw it away for her.
RL friends (other adopters and civvies) have heard this all and have been lovely and sympathetic but bloody hell it's hard going night after night after night.
Not quite sure what the point of this thread is other than to vent a bit and ask for a bit of reassurance that it won't be like this forever
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I need a reminder that it will get better
16 replies
PoppyStellar · 23/07/2017 22:39
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