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First few weeks(6 Posts)
Hi. We have become parents to a preschool boy who has been with us for a week post introductions. All is going really well and we are bonding well. We were wondering what other people have done re the first few weeks at home and meeting family/close friends. Everything we read/hear is contradictory. Thanks!
you will continue to read contradictory things re meeting people. Every family and every child is different.
A week post introductions is very very new....think baby...a week postbirth you may have aunt and uncle/grandparent visit, but probably for a short time then you and baby would either need a break or to go upstairs and feed/nap etc. Its exhausting for the little one to meet new people at this stage.
who is this person? am i moving again? will they take me away? what am i supposed to do? should i sit on their lap? pick me up? hug me? ....can you imagine what our little ones go though? it must be completely overwhelming!
we found a run around at the park bumping into friends/family, no picking up, hugging etc worked really well for our preschool aged DC. just a wave hi, let DC play with you doing all the interaction, your family get to meet them, and a wave bye at the end....
re 'bonding well'.....sorry its my pet hate phrase. You haven't begun to scratch the surface even. A week or two in there isn't any bonding really. DC is going through the motions....DC may like you yes, but the bonding is yet to come at this point in time. I think most adopters when they look back at photos in 6-12 months say they don't recognise their childs face at this point - the look in their childs eyes usually.
i know family will be keen, but concentrate on you, DP and your DC if you can for as long as you can. Its really really important, and you won't get this time back....
We saw no-one for about 6 weeks. Stayed fairly close to home too. (Similar age.)
We went out and about to parks etc. but it was just us, and we did that for around 5 - 6 weeks. Very low key. Very calm. A lot of time spent at home.
We didn't introduce family until after that point and even then the meetings were really brief, and calm.
It was tough, but necessary, and so very worth it.
As PPs said, we're happy we decided to keep LO's world very small, consistent and safe for 2-3 months (aged 3). Everything will be new, scary and bloody hard work for them. If you need one or two close family members to come for very short visits to support you, let them be low-key, brief, and all about doing stuff for you rather than directly interacting with your child - we had people come round, help out a bit / bring groceries, drink a coffee, and then GO. There are lovely relationships with extended family and friends now, but LO was still trying to figure out whether they could trust the people in our house, and could in no way have managed more. Congratulations on your new DS, and a big handhold for these early weeks and months - they can be very tough!
We're 15 months in and just starting to see bonding/attachment from dd who joined us at 9m - still a way to go though.
Keep things quiet and low key is good. And repetitive and routine.
And just "respond, respond, respond" as dd's psychologist said.
But congratulations - enjoy!
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