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Birth child used against me

(15 Posts)
OurMiracle1106 Tue 30-May-17 17:55:19

My so called friend has thrown the fact that my son was placed for adoption in my face because I haven't been around much lately.

Back story. My mum died 3 years ago this month. Friday would have been her 70th birthday. I work with kids and friend has just had a baby. I'm struggling emotionally to deal with kids as it is, my sons birthday is within The next couple of weeks.

Friend says I've been funny with her since baby came home (I went back to work day after baby came home) I work 5 days a week.

Apparently I can't care As much as I say about my son. It isn't healthy that I talk abut it him and people that have their kids taken shouldn't be allowed a second chance or more kids.

I understand she may have post natal depression but I don't see there is a way forward from here for our friendship

I have blocked on all platforms so she can't contact me anymore but feeling low

Alltheusernamesaretaken321 Tue 30-May-17 19:06:50

Oh I'm not surprised you're feeling low. What an tough thing to hear from your friend. Recently at work I sat with a birth parent who's child was adopted years ago. They'd recently had letterbox and was heartbroken. I knew there were reasons their child isn't with them but I still felt heartbroken for them, it was just so hard to see. It's not a pain that necessarily ever goes away.

Is your friend someone you'd be able to explain how you feel after the dust has settled? Are they usually a bit more accepting/kind? This may be a one off if she's feeling emotional and has a new baby.

I know when I'm having a tough time I struggle to make space for other people's difficulties/problems which can make me a bit less tolerant. You know your friend best though so I could be way off the mark.


OurMiracle1106 Tue 30-May-17 19:44:27

I feel like she's just been spiteful to be honest. For me right now the fact that she's bought my child up which is unnecessary and at a painful time which she knows is just playing dirty.

She could easily have said how she feels without bringing my son into it, for me on a personal level it's a case of wishing my friend well and moving forwards without her being a part of my life

Alltheusernamesaretaken321 Tue 30-May-17 20:08:59

It's so sad losing a friendship and it sounds like this has really hurt you deeply and I'm not surprised. I'm sorry you've had this experience. I fell out with a life long friend around 5 years ago. No contact since. It hurt but I can honestly say I don't miss her all that much.

I hope you're able to be kind to yourself and realise this is your friends issue and not yours. It must be horrid to feel judged by a trusted person and have something so personal and painful thrown back at you.

Anniversaries and special dates are so hard, hope these upcoming dates are as easy for you as they can be.

OurMiracle1106 Tue 30-May-17 21:10:09

I'm going to do what's best for me. And I honestly feel that having someone use that against me isn't.

I'm not going to be in contact with her and don't plan to see her however she lives very close but I have no need to speak with her if I do run into her.

It has hurt deeply. Feel completely berated if I'm honest and makes me wonder what kind of a friend she ever was

Alltheusernamesaretaken321 Wed 31-May-17 07:45:13

I'm sure it has and I expect it's made you question whether she's been making judgements about you which I'd imagine would make trusting her hard.

Sending you a hug and some flowers

flapjackfairy Wed 31-May-17 17:43:41

I have followed some of your story and know how hard losing your little boy has been and how hard you have worked to put your life on track . Dont let this drag you down. She is no friend and you owe her nothing so i think you are right to ignore her and move on .
So sorry for your pain and esp at this time when you are grieving on two fronts. Chin up and stay strong xxx

Ketzele Thu 01-Jun-17 09:53:37

I'm so sorry this has happened, OurMiracle. Your friend has been outrageously spiteful and I wouldn't be able to move beyond it, either. I'm sorry things are hard right now flowers

Italiangreyhound Sun 04-Jun-17 02:57:17

OurMiracle this person really is not your friend. How awfully unkind of her. You are better off without her.


Stay strong. XXXX

OlennasWimple Mon 05-Jun-17 07:00:34

flowers OurMiracle

OurMiracle1106 Tue 06-Jun-17 18:54:21

I've had a few days out and have kept away from said friend choosing to block her and move forwards.

I feel actually much better now she's not in my life and have noticed my sleep and mood have improved.

Thank you for the support

OurMiracle1106 Sat 10-Jun-17 21:27:11

My friend has messaged me via a different face book profile to say they will be thinking of me on my sons birthday (which is shortly)

I've replied with the following:
Whilst I appreciate that you have remembered birth child's birthday, following you outlining your feelings in regards to my situation with Birth child I don't feel it's appropriate for you to be "thinking of me" when you have made your feelings perfectly clear. I hope you got the photo from my fridge safely.

Italiangreyhound Sat 10-Jun-17 21:30:15

Sorry Miracle this is all very hard for you. Hope you can find something nice to do on your son's birthday.

OurMiracle1106 Sat 10-Jun-17 22:00:28

Every year I have cake (ignoring my current healthy eating tomorrow that can wait) and do something to mark it and take photos so that he knows he wasn't forgotten and I feel better.

Italiangreyhound Sun 11-Jun-17 00:17:37

Miracle that is so lovely.

I hope that my son's birth family do something nice on his birthday.


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