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Adopting as a single parent?

(39 Posts)
hopefulme Fri 16-Mar-07 20:31:31

As in already have children and would like to adopt , anyone done it /know about it?

Twiglett Fri 16-Mar-07 20:38:12

from UK or abroad

SueJonez had a fab blog about her adoption from abroad

hopefulme Fri 16-Mar-07 20:44:53

From Uk I think.
I Read suejonez blog, really emotional.

Wondered how authorities felt about being single with kids and wanting to adopt?

nikkie Fri 16-Mar-07 21:45:33

no help but would love to adopt

staceym11 Fri 16-Mar-07 21:59:29

no help here, but think that it would be brill for the child involved to go to a loving family, wether that be one or two parent!

KristinaM Fri 16-Mar-07 22:08:23

you need to join Adoption Uk . there are lots of other single adopters.

I guess you already knwo that that ijn teh UK you will only be allowed to adopt a "hard to place" child. that will be an older child ( at least school age) and with some form of additional support needs. unless you ( not your children) are black

staceym11 Fri 16-Mar-07 22:10:17

kristina, just wondering why would it make a difference if you (or your children) were black? do they like to do same ethnicity child-parent?

nikkie Fri 16-Mar-07 22:20:26

friend of the family fosters and has had a series of babies lately.Apparantly (here at least) there is a need for foster carers, though couldn't do it with small children.

KristinaM Sat 17-Mar-07 08:43:38

its very strange, stacey IMO...as far as as i know, they dont care if you are the same ethnicity as the child, they just want black or mixed race children to go to families with at least one non-white parent. so if you are 1/4 or 1/8 indian, for example, you coudl adopt a 1/2 african caribean baby tomorrow.

as you will appreciate, there are children in teh system waiting for years because SS are obsessed with finding teh right match. so you coudl have 2 sisters or 2 and 4, with a paksiatni mother and one egyptian and one african father. SS wil be looking for a pakistani/egyptian/african family. and of course, even if there is one in teh Uk AND they are looking to adopt, they will not want a 2yo and a 4yo because they can have a white/african or white/pakistani tiny baby tomorrow ( or in a few moths anyway)

personally i find social services attitude to be quiet racist itself. but thas just my opinion

(sorry if I have not described these enthnicities correctly)

suejonez Sat 17-Mar-07 09:14:01

nothing new to add really - as a single white adopter you would most likely be matched with an older child possibly with problems (but not necessarily) which if you have children already will not be a possibility as SS would expect at least a two year age gap between your youngest child and any child to be adopted. Unless of course your children are much older.

As Kristina says your chances are greater if you (or your children) are not 100% white. Or if you are prepared to consider foster to adopt, that has been very succeful for some single adopter but about 15-20% of the children go back to birth families and are not adopted.

Contact your council or a voluntary organisation like Coram for more information.

staceym11 Sat 17-Mar-07 09:51:16

well i was thinking that kristine, its bit a racist, as far as im concerned if you can love that child it doesnt matter what race you/they are.

thanks for informing me more!

suejonez Sat 17-Mar-07 19:27:59

It does matter what race you are Stacey - there are added issues for children being adopted transracially (never being able to keep your adoption private becasue you look so different, not haing a positive role model at home who looks like you etc) and so of course I understand the desire to ideally place children with parents of a similar ethnic makeup.

But of course the key word is ideally, whilst waiting for the perfect parent these children are ususally placed in foster care often with white foster parents and sometimes for many years and changing several times. Ultimately there is no substitiute for a permanent parent who loves you.

I understand that some councils are changing their attitude to this slowly.

mogs0 Sun 18-Mar-07 20:48:38

So when you say it is older children that are adopted what age are we talking?

I have thought about fostering over the last year or so but my ds is only 4 so I'd want to wait until he's a few years older.

I know a lady who has recently been approved as a single adopter.

suejonez Sun 18-Mar-07 22:10:15

I was told I would probably get a child over 8yrs old but it may vary in different parts of the country

hopefulme Sat 24-Mar-07 22:05:53

Have spoken to SS and they seemed quite positive!I mentioned under 5 yo and no comments against the idea and just discussed potential problems a child may have but as I work in this area I had some idea what to espect anyway.
Have my name down for the next information eveningand am being sent a pack to apply.

Suejonez- Is that why you went abroad?I would like to be able to consider it but the travelling and finance would rule it out with me having children already

suejonez Sun 25-Mar-07 19:44:14

yes that is why I went abroad - if I go for number two I would also have problmes with finances and what to do with DS however there is a posibility that SS would now consider me for a younger mixed race or Asian or Oriental child as my DS is asian. So domestic would become a possibility again for me.

suejonez Sun 25-Mar-07 19:45:34

and glad the discussion went well, I understand that the non-london councils are getting much better at not looking for the perfect parent but the good-enough parent

hopefulme Sun 25-Mar-07 20:32:52

When did you tell anyone you had applied? Obviously you have to ask for references but don't want to tell people if it is not a good chance of happening.

suejonez Mon 26-Mar-07 11:36:09

Close family ie my mum and sister I told when I applied, referees I told when I had been allocated a social worker. Other close friends I told when I had been approved and others when I was matched and ready to travel (about a month before leaving).

I was sorry I had told some people so early (eg my brother) as they tend to tell everyone else before you want to and you have a couple of years of people asking you - when are you going to adopt? Which does wear a bit thin at times.

My advice would be to hold off telling anyone as long as you possibly can and those you do tell make sure they know the time frame is years not months.

Good luck.

KristinaM Mon 26-Mar-07 11:43:48

I agree with sue about not telling people until teh last minute

thats great that they are going to approve you for a child under 5. have they put that in writing? I woudl try to get it - you dont want them changing their minds in a years time, just before you go to panel

what ages are your children , hopeful?

hopefulme Mon 26-Mar-07 19:39:48

I received a pack today about adopting/fostering. Next information evening in my Area is September there are some in other parts of the county but are 2-3 hours away which isn't really practical in an evening.Should I wait or should I just apply?Would they look down on me if I just applied?
HAve a friend who adopted 3 children and have often talked to her before and know a few people that foster.In my job I often come across children in care so have a background knowledge from that POV.

One of the questions on the form is would you adopt a child with a disability? Think that would depend on the disability tbh what would you put?

hopefulme Mon 26-Mar-07 19:44:10

Mine are 5 & 7 hence would have to be under 5.Think 3 would be a good age to fit with them .

Trying to stop outing myself on here is hard enough never mind secret in RL but don't want it togo wrong and people talking about it all the time.

suejonez Mon 26-Mar-07 20:20:42

I know exactly how you feel about not wanting everyone talking about it until its more certain and think you're absolutely right it feels like tempting fate doesn't it! I would just apply and get on the first information evening locally that you can, I'm sure that the experience you already have will probably help you.

I think when asked if you would accept a child with a disabilty you should just be honest and say what you have said to us - yes you would but it would depend on the degree of disability. There will be a much more detailed, and horrible to fill in, "shopping list" of what you would and wouldn;t consider including a degree of diability eg moderate, severe etc.

hopefulme Mon 26-Mar-07 20:38:15

Thanks Suejonez

KristinaM Tue 27-Mar-07 06:57:13

I agree ( again) with sue. will they let you apply before the information evening? I mean, will they allocate you a Sw and start your hoome study? If so I woudl defnitely do so and not wait.

I didnt realise that your children were so young. that means the age thing is really crucial for you, as they want you to have at leaast a 2 year gap, so they woulndt place a child any older than 3 with you ( at the moment, if your youngest is 5). I woudl think you ned some clarity on that from SS quite quickly, as it woudl be unusual for a single parent to get a child under 3 ( unless you are black or the child has serious disabilities)

I notice you mention your work - have they told you if they are expecting you to give up your work after a child is placed , and if so, for how long? I suspect that you will find it hard to adopt such a young child if you are not a SAHM, as you will be "competeing" in the market with lots of couples where one of them is a F/t parent.

If you join Adoption Uk you can get information on waiting children, whcih will give you an idea of teh different kinds of special needs that a child might have

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